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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » yet another age difference topic

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Author Topic: yet another age difference topic
snarky
Neophyte
Member # 31948

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i'm seventeen, he's nineteen (turns twenty in march). it's not entirely a huge age difference, but he graduated from high school at sixteen. since then, he's been working.

why am i bothered by this? i constantly feel like a little kid when we're together. as if i need to catch up.. or something. he's talking about getting his own place whereas i'm studying for my ap us history class. i have a curfew and he can stay out for however long he wants.

we're not keeping any secrets, and he respects all of the restrictions i have, because well, if he didn't that would be ridiculous haha. but it creeps me out sometimes, regardless of how much i like him. i don't want to date someone who reminds me of a 'father figure'. i need to talk about this with him, but i'm scared. i want to continue being in a relationship, but i need a new approach. i need reassurance.

blahhh. insecurities are lame.

Posts: 39 | From: los angeles | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DarkChild717
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 139

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Granted, at this point, he's been responsible for himself (mostly) for the last 3-4 years. Simply put, he's got more life experience than you, and that's okay.

It's the same for my fiance and I. His mother died shortly before we started dating, and as long as I've known him, he's always been on his own, made his own decisions, everything. I still live with my parents. Granted, I did leave HS for college when I was sixteen, but really? That's totally beside the point. He and I both accept that he has "lived" more, in that he's had more responsibility than I have, and that it's okay. I'll get there eventually, and so will you.

Don't let it destroy your relationship, because it's out of your control. If anything, listen and learn. Find out what worked for him, and see if it might be something that can work for you. He doesn't need to be a father figure for you to learn something. [Smile]

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Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
snarky
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Member # 31948

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haha, thanks. it's good to hear that someone else has been in the same type of relationship **and it worked out**!
Posts: 39 | From: los angeles | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ninster8
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Member # 32413

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the problem is that you "feel like a kid" when you're together. i am a firm believer that age does NOT matter, but in some cases the level of maturity does. i dated some one much older than me but when we were together we felt like we could have been born at the same time. we are still great friends and i consider him my peer. my mom also has a boyfriend who is 14 years younger than her and i have never met a more perfect in love couple. ask yourself if you two are at the same level...if it feels good and right then it is, if it feels like the age dif is getting in the way it's wrong.

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Posts: 10 | From: vermont | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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