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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Responsibly Miserable

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Author Topic: Responsibly Miserable
muisy
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Member # 31745

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*this is REALLY LONG...and I'm really sorry, but if you get any free time I'd really like to know what anyone does/thinks*

so I used to be one of those girls who criticized other girls for being with boyfriends who were jerks. I couldn't understand why they would stay with them. Ironically I became one of those girls. Is it bad to hate your boyfriend? That's a Rhetorical question. I'm not sure what I'm looking for by posting this here, I'm well aware of what I should do, really I am, but I choose not to so I do take responsibility for the position I'm in. It's hard, but I know things won't ever change, unless I make a change, but for now, while I make the choice to stay, I'm in bad shape. My bf always has to be right, about everything. What hurts my feelings, doesn't matter b/c they're not issues that hurt him. He isn't cheating on me, physically, but he's very inappropriate with the girlS he works with, but doesn't care about how it makes me feel because it makes him feel good. So, ya it's the typical crying every night for me, feeling so un-worthwhile, and I go to bed knowing that the next day will still be the same, and the day after that. But then I love him..like when he isn't a jerk, I love him, but it never lasts long because then I remember how he's going to be a jerk later on, and how he's been in the past. The excuse he uses most is, "it's ok for guys too, but it's socially un-acceptable for girls too." Sometimes I feel bad, because as much as I "slam" him, what am I doing to him? ...I'm letting him think that I love him 100%, which I do, I just don't like him. Sometimes, and I know this is bad, but sometimes I think to myself I'll stay with him so I can have him waste his time with me, rather than with someone else. How horrible is that? Again, let me say I know these are my choices, really I do, but if you've ever felt like this, how hard is it to leave someone you love? So, I guess this post is for those of you who know how I feel...how do you guys get through each day? I know I cry, and I hate, and then sleep. What's it like for you?

Sorry this was so long...I don't have anyone to talk to...pathetic maybe..but I just thought that someone might know what this is like. Thanks.

Posts: 40 | From: US | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
marie45
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Member # 32565

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I no what you are goin through but mine was a little different he was always flirtin withother girls in front of me and i took it for a while then one day i said somethin about it and he said that he wasnt doing any thing wrong and got mad at me and dont get me wrong he was nice at times and then very mean at others then when he knew i was mad at me he always turned it into my fault i was all typed of bad names and cried myself to sleep every night then he grabbed another girl in front of me and i snapped and he took me to his house and we started to argue and i said something and he threw a bottle at me so we broke up well i moved away bcuz i was so scared of him and i just wanna tell you if you no that there is no chance of him changing that you should let love go and if you cant just dont let it go as far as i did no one should ever go through that it hurts more to get hit emotionally then phisically

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Brittany

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muisy
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It's sooo hard though.. I hate it. Sometimes, I don't even know if I'm over reacting anymore, like I feel like such a hypocrite. Mainly, my problem is him with girls, he flirts with them at work, and he talks to them online, but I know they're flirting. I feel confident in saying it's nothing graphic that they're talking about, but it's the fact that they're talking. and then he tells me he is trying to be friends w/ them, but only because of the attention he gives them. It's to the point where I've just stopped caring.. like when he's criticizing me about how I didn't fold a piece of paper right, or drying something wrong, I completely just zone him out. I lie when I say I'm sorry, because I know that I'm not, but it's what works, it's what stops the fight. I know I shouldn't give in, but I just don't care anymore and I feel like a bad person I guess. As bad as this sounds, stubborn maybe, but I just don't see us breaking up. Like, I've accepted that my life isn't going to be full of smiles, and it sucks, but how I see it is that I'm still living. I just don't think I could go through this again with another guy, like to have to start all over and go through all of this again? It's like I've come too far, and it nothing matters.

Sorry about what happened to you. And sorry for making my story make me sound like an idiot when it hasn't been as bad as you've had it.

Thanks.

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snoopy_writer
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Member # 32431

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yeah, i hear you :-/
i am like that too- i keep it all inside and try to please others before myself, and how are they supposed to know anything's wrong if i don't say? i'm not saying they're not to blame too, but i certainly contribute to it. i can't be used unless i let someone use me... i am in a similar situation. the relationship i was/am in is not healthy for me. i am pulling more and more away, but why can't i get the guts to just end it definitively? i am in a bit of a dark place myself right now. try to hang in there, and know you're not alone. there will be someone else better for you, you have to believe that. it will take time, but time can heal so much-- it sounds cliche, but it is true. but i can't say much cause i'm in a similar boat...

Posts: 9 | From: Pennsylvania, U.S.A. | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
muisy
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I know!!! Weird isn't the right word, but I'm just going to use it, how weird is it that we both know we should just leave, but we stay. Like, we KNOW these things?! I'm not insulting you, trust me. You know how they say, it's a love-hate relationship, "i love to hate you" well mine's like "hate to love you." Have you seen The Holiday by any chance? There's 1 or 2 quotes Kate Winslet says about how she knows how miserable she is, but the guy always does something to make her lose the battle she has with herself about him. That is so my life!!! As much as I am sad and hurt and angry...it's such a lesson for me too. I've learned a lot about myself.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Can you recognize that it's pretty silly to be fatalistic about the things you get to CHOOSE?

In other words, while certainly, there will likely be parts of your life where you don't get to choose to be happy or not all the time, or always have the good stuff.

But you get to CHOOSE who you have romantic relationships with, and you get to choose to have them with people who treat you well, who you actually like, who you care for in earnest, you you enjoy spending time with and who make you happy. And given both of these posts, choosing to stick with this one guy, when you're clearly a poor match at best (and emotionally abusive at worst), because you don't want to go through this again is illogical.

Because you don't HAVE to go through this at all: now or later. You get a choice here, and pretending otherwise, or trying to make it appear otherwise just doesn't fly, even if you're somehow buying it yourself.

In other words, a lot of why you're this miserable is because you're choosing to be, and it seems to me that you're escalating the drama of moving onto something better in a way that is really unproductive, nonconstructive and in no one's best interest. You don't want to be locked in this misery anymore? Move on, girl. A breakup is no where near as crappy as this: that's like saying that throwing up to get food you got poising from out of your system is somehow worse than having the food poisoning.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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marie45
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Member # 32565

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WEll i feel really sorry for you and i no you dont sound dumb at all we all have our own problems and they are all differnent and i no what you are talkin about when you say that im sorry atops the fight!!mine was always "but i love you" and we would end up makin up even though i felt dumb for always givin in and you should just try to tlk to him about how it makes you fell to see him with other girls especially in fornt of you and tell him how much it hurts but if i were you i would make sure you were both were calm and not just throw it out there when you both are fighting

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Brittany

Posts: 20 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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