in our school play--the cast of which includes me, my boyfriend and my best girlfriend--the two of them (meaning my boyfriend and my best bud) got a role that requires them to kiss.
but this makes me incredibly uncomfortable and creepy!
so at first i was trying to be really rational and like, "i'm uncomfortable with it, etc etc." so when they both agreed with our director to go ahead with the kiss, i felt very betrayed and kind of like their play and their "kiss" came before my feelings. all my rationality went out the window, and i positively screamed at both of them for being so inconsiderate of my feelings.
so now i don't know what to do. i've talked to him, but i have yet to talk to her. he assured me that they wouldn't be doing the kiss, which now makes me feel incredibly selfish and controlling. they talked to each other and she apparently said that if it came between me and the play, she would choose me, definitely.
but am i overreacting? am i just being jealous and irrational? would you be uneasy watching that?
-------------------- if they ask why we left in the first place say we were young and we were so in love ...i guess we just needed space. Posts: 33 | From: indianapolis, IN USA | Registered: Dec 2005
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As an actor, all I will say is that the entire performance is artificial. You create every feeling you need. So if your boyfriend and this girl are good actors, they'll appear to be enjoying it a lot, and they'll appear to be in love. The fact that your boyfriend is willing to not do the kiss to help you feel comfortable shows that he's committed to you. I honestly wouldn't worry. Bottom line? It's something that'll be difficult to watch, but it's not real. If you can cope with that or not is up to you - and of course, as your boyfriend has said, if you don't feel you can then that's OK too. Anyway, I hope this works out OK.
-------------------- “In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.” Posts: 1269 | From: London, UK | Registered: Jun 2006
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so at first i was trying to be really rational and like, "i'm uncomfortable with it, etc etc." so when they both agreed with our director to go ahead with the kiss, i felt very betrayed and kind of like their play and their "kiss" came before my feelings.
The thing about using "I-statements" like "I'm uncomfortable" is that you're not blaming the other person or making them responsible for your feelings. And they aren't a short-cut to getting other people to do what you want.
It sounds like you expressed your feelings clearly. But they also have a right to make their decisions, in collaboration with the director. If the kiss is part of the role, then refusing to do it may well mean they can't do the play.
And really, stage-kissing is not remotely like "real" kissing. This is something they're doing as part of a performance. Being jealous because they're stage-kissing is a bit like being angry if they were stage-fighting .
It's fine to be uncomfortable or feel that you'd rather not watch.
But I think you need to step back and think about what's upsetting you here, and whether it's actually reasonable or helpful to be effectively demanding that they choose between "you and the play".
-------------------- "Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it." - the Talmud Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002
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It's totally understandable why you'd feel that way...he's your boyfriend!! and she's your friend. However, it is a play..remember that it wasn't their idea to kiss. They probably understand how you feel, maybe just not the way you'd react like it did. Hopefully things will be fine, just remember to stay calm
Posts: 40 | From: US | Registered: Dec 2006
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