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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Worried about my little sister

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Author Topic: Worried about my little sister
Member # 28624

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Hey I have just turned 17 and my sister is only 14 and has had sexual intercourse before me! It makes me feel like there is something missing from my life.

I am just a bit worried about how my sister is going to turn out! She has has sex around 4 times with 4 different partners and these are the only ones I have heard about, there are prob many more. It wouldn't bother me to much if it was her boyfriend she was having sex with but she just moves from one boy to another! She is geting called a lot of names aswell like tramp, hore etc behind her back and just wondering whether I should chat to her about this and tell her to stop sleeping with boys! She prob jus tell me to mind me own buiness as she always does! I can't tell my ma or da because if I told them what she is doing she prob get kicked out of the house and couldn't tout on her anyway she would never chat to me again.

I don't know what to do for the best! What do you think I should do about this?

Thanks David

Posts: 16 | From: england | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Well, first of all, you're only 17. You still have a lot of time to be sexually active whenever the time is right for you. Everyone starts at their own pace and 14 is as fine a time as 17, 20 or whatever else.

So keep in mind that your sister is not you and what works for her might not work for you. If she is fine with having changing partners, that's okay. As long as this is what she really wants and she is being safe about it.

If you decide to talk to her about it, make sure to respect her choices and to not assume anything about her. You cannot tell her to stop having sex, as that is not your place. But you can warn her about STDs and pregnancy and remind her to always use protection. If you do this respectfully, then she probably won't tell you to mind your own business and she will listen to your brotherly advice.

[ 02-05-2007, 01:12 PM: Message edited by: September ]

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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Est. In 1984
Member # 31502

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This is not @ all to be rude or judgemental... but you really think having multiple partners @ such a young age is ok? I agree is it not your place to tell her to stop or slow down @ that but it would be ur parents job. It's really nice that ur concerned it shows that you really care.

[ 02-05-2007, 01:25 PM: Message edited by: Est. In 1984 ]

"I've touched Ur soul & left my mark in ur heart....There's no forgetting me, dont bother trying."...(ME)

Posts: 86 | From: CA | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27966

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What's the difference between having multiple partners at 14 and, say, 18?

If she wants to have multiple partners, then she has the right to do so. What's important, and what you SHOULD be concerned about, is that she's practising safe sex- getting STI screenings, using birth control, etc- rather than the fact that she's sexually active.

Liverpoolfc, September's advice to you is excellent, and I'd suggest you take it to heart.


Posts: 2332 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 25983

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As September said, everybody matures at their own pace. It's entirely possible for a 14 year old to be as prepared as someone a little older, just as long as they are aware of the risks involved and are prepared to take full responsibility.

You might want to talk to her about limiting her sexual partners from a pure health standpoint. Condoms don't provide full protection against HPV and Herpes, so limiting the number of sexual partners is the only way to truly reduce that risk, as an example.

[ 02-05-2007, 01:34 PM: Message edited by: Miss Lauren ]

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 32327

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There is also a shot that protects agianst the 4 most common strains of HPV (genital warts), so if she won't listen to your advice, you may want to at least advise her to get the shot.
Posts: 70 | From: Nova | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 32565

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Well i am 14 and i have had sex and i now dont think that I was ready and my older cousin sat down and talked to me about it and took me to the clinic for testing I was really happy to have someone there who cared and i would think that if you go to your sister with respect and talked to her she would listen and maybe even take your advise I think its all how you approach it!!


Posts: 20 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 8067

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I think it's worth thinking about what it is that you're worried about.

If you're worried that maybe she's not emotionally ready to be having sex right now, that she's being taken advantage of, or that she doesn't have the help and information she needs when it comes to things like contraception or safer sex - then talking to her, explaining why you're concerned and offering to help would be a great idea.

She's much more likely to listen to that, than if you make it all about what other people might say (since it really isn't any of their business), or if you just "tell her to stop sleeping with boys".

And it's hard, but you need to keep your emotions about your own life out of it.

It can seem weird if a younger sibling is "ahead" of you sexually, but that doesn't mean that anything's wrong with either of you - it's just how things work out, sometimes.

"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it." - the Talmud

Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 31745

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Since you're so worried about her, you should talk to her. 14 is young, not that I'm saying when the right age is to have sex, but whether or not you realize it, 14 is very very young. You have to remember that it is her life, but you can talk with her in a way where she doesn't feel like you're trying to be "dad." Make sure you let her know you're concerned about her and let her know, even if she already does, that if she can come to you if she has any problems or what-ever.
Posts: 40 | From: US | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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