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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » HELP!

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Author Topic: HELP!
confusedchick26
Neophyte
Member # 32359

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well a nice boy I knew from work asked me out and we went out for about a month.
then one day he decided to tell me that he wasn't ready for a relationship at the current time. I was so hurt and confused because he told me so many nice things and i heard from alot of his friends how much he cared about me. So i went to one of his friends and asked her what she thought happened. She told me that he was diagnosed with clinical depression about a year ago and 2 months ago decided to stop taking his medications. She said that he has been slipping away from all of his friends and wont talk to anyone about it. I went to him with all of this information and he told me that he didn't tell me because he didn't want to hurt me and that's why he broke up with me because he didn't want me to get messed up in his problems and have to worry about him. He said that he cares about me so much that he doesnt want me to get hurt when he has a low point. Knowing all of this makes me worry about him more. The think that hurt me the most was that he didn't tell me at all what was going on, so i feel left out of his life. He says that he wants to go back to being friends and if things progress he might feel comfortable being in a relationship. I don't know what to do. Should I still wait for him to recover and decide if he wants to be with me, if there is a chance i will be hurt again? I'm scared to not be friends with him b/c of the state he is in. I don't want him to fall further into the whole.

Posts: 1 | From: Florida | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DarkChild717
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 139

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Ultimately, it's going to be up to you. But you need to remember: he has these issues, and that's fine, but you cannot fix him. You simply can't. It's something he needs to do for himself.

If you can bear being friends, go for it. Friends enrich each other's lives. But respect his wishes not to be in a romantic relationship. When he's ready, he'll let you know.

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Caylin, Scarleteen Volunteer
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Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Emily 249
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Member # 28956

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Okay. One thing: he is not going to "recover". Clinical depression does not go away. There are good days and bad days (sometimes made more manageable by medication), but he will always have this problem whether it's readily apparent or not.

You sound as though you really care for this boy, and it's great that you want to be supportive. I think you just need to consider a few things before starting a relationship with him. My boyfriend has clinical depression and has yet to find successful treatment for it. I've had to talk him out of breaking up with me twice, both during bad depression spells. You need to keep in mind that his depression might go into hibernation but it probably will pop up again, especially if he refuses to take his medication. There's a chance you'll get hurt again whether he means to hurt you or not.

Ultimately, the choice is up to you. I'm not trying to tell you that dating him is a horrendous idea. I've been with my boyfriend for little over a year now, and aside from some recent problems we've been mostly happy together. It's just very important that you decide whether or not you can deal with having depressed partner if you want to start dating this boy. Sometimes starting out as friends can give you a better idea as to whether or not you'd be able to manage it. I wish you luck. [Smile]

Posts: 39 | From: United States | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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