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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I have more experience than my new bf

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Author Topic: I have more experience than my new bf
Member # 31520

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ipsesloev     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I got out of a 2.5 year long relationship about 3 months ago. I broke it off because I realized I didn't feel the same connection with him that he did for me. In this relationship I had many of my firsts sexually but I am still a virgin.

Now I am in a relationship with a guy that has been my good friend for 2 years. He is turning out to be one of the most compassionate, understanding, and exciting guys I have ever known, and I didnt get the chance to know this side of him until now that we have started our relationship. He has all the qualities of the right guy for me and I am very happy.

The only thing is that he has only kissed before. Don't get me wrong though, I am very excited that I could possibly be his first encounter with sexuality. We communicate very well and he knows about all I have done. I was scared at first to tell him because I didn't want him to think less of me, but to my suprise he said he didn't care that I had more experience, and that it didn't change his feelings for me.

Our relationship is going great but when we're alone I find myself wanting him to "want me" so to speak. I have talked to him about this, only to find that he wants to do all the things I want him to, but he's scared of how I will react "most likely because he's never tried it before" I reassured him that he has no need to worry and that he is more likely to get a good reaction from me.

The best thing that is working for us is communication, and I hope it will help us get closer.

I wouldn't mind some advice if anyone has any, and I would definitly love to hear from people that might know just what I'm talking about and have had a similar experience.

"If you blame others for your failures, do you credit them for your achievements?"

Posts: 38 | From: tn | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20305

Icon 1 posted      Profile for starlet     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Personally, I think you're doing everything just fine. You're communicating with him well and reassuring him which is really all that you can do. Just make him feel as comfortable with you as you possibly can and keep letting him know that he has nothing to fear.
Best wishes [Smile]


Posts: 131 | From: VA | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 30995

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Menthol     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
A lot of guys seem to be under the impression that they are somehow in competition with those guys that you may have been with before.

Assure him that it is not, in fact, a competition. Let him know that you're not "keeping score" so to speak.

Every lover is different; and that applies to both men AND women. So in all honesty, when you're with someone new, past experience isn't all that important.

"I need no warrant for being, and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction."
~Ayn Rand

Posts: 85 | From: Savannah, Georgia | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 31329

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Skaterfreak7988     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
When reading your message, I found myself thinking that I wrote it because something very, very similar happened to me not that long ago. I met some girl in the middle of September, shortly after I started my first semester of college. We started dating in early October and she was much more experienced than I was; she was experienced to the point where she was not a virgin.

I had done some things before but really not that much. We always talked about everything, just like you and him do and she seemed to want me to want her, just like you said. I did want her but I said the same thing to her and he said to you about being unsure about how you would react. She assured me that I wouldn't cross the line and I let myself make a move on her, even though it was with her help.

She kind of pushed me along faster than I wanted to but at the time I did not realize it so much. We only lasted for about a month and a half and we had gone further than I had gone with an ex-girlfriend, who I was dating for 7+ months.

Being out of the relationship for about a month and a half, I realized a lot and feel that I can give some advice to you about this similar situation. When we broke up, it did not hurt either of us because it was almost a pure physical relationship, which we did not realize at the time.

Since you guys do communicate, which is very good, and he knows where you stand with doing most things, let him make the moves. I don't know how far you guys have gone so far and can't give the most accurate advice because of that but I can give you the situation if it has not come up yet. If he has not felt you up, whether it be inside or outside your shirt, you may need to give him a jump start and kind of put his hand there or maybe on you butt as well. That will show him that you mean what you say and as the saying goes "Actions speak louder than words." That will show him that you really want what you say, because I think you and I can both agree that sometimes things can get confusing when it comes to relationships.

If you put up a new post with more info. I may be able to help a little more but for the time being that is pretty much what I have to say with the exception of this:

Let things work themselves out. Even though he is a guy, he may not be ready to do some things yet, especially since he has never done them before. This doesn't mean that he doesn't want to, it just means that he isn't ready to and if you aren't ready to do something, when you do it, it won't be as good as it should be. As I said, he may need that jump start (as I did) but once you show him you mean what you say, put the ball in his court and let him make his move when he is ready.

Hope that was of some interest and help [Smile]

Posts: 12 | From: NY | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 31520

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ipsesloev     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
The funny thing is you are exactly right, we've gone no further than what you speak of and it pretty much went the way you suggested.

I didn't put his hand there, but I could tell he wanted to, so I smiled at him and just said "go ahead" and he did.

Now that we have been straight forward with eachother and he knows where I stand I AM letting him lead the way (since I want it to be his decision of what he is comfortable with so far)

I definitly want to make sure what he does with me is what he really wants.

Thanks to everyone who replied! [Smile]

"If you blame others for your failures, do you credit them for your achievements?"

Posts: 38 | From: tn | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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