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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » i have a new boyfriend

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Author Topic: i have a new boyfriend
snarky
Neophyte
Member # 31948

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this guy that i've been seeing for a couple weeks asked me to be his girlfriend and i said yes. i'm pretty happy about it.

however... i was also talking to my exboyfriend and i guess you could call us "friends with benefits" for a while. he was pretty jealous that i was seeing someone, and i guess we had a really unhealthy relationship because we'd still talk about the past and whatnot. he also has somewhat scandalous pictures of me on his computer. (i don't really regret it, but i fear that this may become a problem in the future.) i have to tell him that we can't talk like we did before, but i'm afraid that he'll stop being my friend.

if he does stop being my friend, i suppose he wasn't a very good friend in the first place but i can't help feeling like a jerk.

how do i tell him this news in a delicate manner? should i stop talking to him altogether? i don't have romantic feelings for him, i'm waaaayyy over him, but i did appreciate the friendship we had before things got heated.

blahhhh. tell me what i need to hear. i know i screwed up, i just don't know how to fix it.

Posts: 39 | From: los angeles | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
snarky
Neophyte
Member # 31948

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alright nevermind he doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

his loss.

Posts: 39 | From: los angeles | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Master_Of_Puppets
Activist
Member # 29525

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You’re not a jerk, so don’t let his reaction make you feel bad. The main thing to remember when you break up with someone is that you’re not with this one person exclusively anymore. You can see who you want, kiss who you want, date who you want and love who you want…if you’re single you’re allowed to do all of these things and not feel guilty over them. If he has a problem with who you see then that’s for him to deal with on his own. If you’re not with him he doesn’t really have solid grounds to be jealous over. Does he?

If you do truly value his friendship then I would recommend trying to make things cool between you two again gradually. Try and make him see that you do care about him, but you’re over the “we’re-madly-in-love-with-each-other” phase of your life. You’ve been honest with him, so hopefully he’ll respect the fact that you’re doing what makes you happy. If not then I suppose, as much as it does hurt…you should let him go. There’s no sense in letting him drag you down now that you’ve got a new guy.

Posts: 89 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
snarky
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Member # 31948

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yeeeeah i'm letting him go early. he's being really immature about everything, even though i was honest about how i felt about him from the beginning.

thanks for the words, dude.

Posts: 39 | From: los angeles | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I also don't hear that you screwed up here.

If you and your ex/FWB never talked about limits, about what you both wanted, and about the fact that should either of you have a romantic interest come along, the benefits-end of things would cease, then yes: that's something you both really should have done. Emphasis on both there: if he didn't initiate these conversations either, then this is hardly just a mistake you made.

But if you did make all that clear? Then I'm not seeing an error on your part.

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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
snarky
Neophyte
Member # 31948

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we both agreed that if a romantic interest came along, things would stop, but i think that maybe he thought of it all as a hypothetical situation, and not one that would actually happen.

he said merry christmas yesterday, but i've blocked him from AIM and i won't be answering any more of his calls anytime soon. he tries so hard to make me feel bad about everything :/

Posts: 39 | From: los angeles | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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