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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Well it's over (very long but need help)

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Author Topic: Well it's over (very long but need help)
Airem
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So i finally realized that the year and three month relationship i had was never going to feel the same and i had to end it. had broken up with her about 2 and a half weeks ago but i stupidly let her talk me into going back out with her. She used guilt and threats of harm to herself pretty much. Anway to make things more complicated i've kinda fallen for another girl. So i broke up with her yesterday and her mom immediantly got involved saying she wasn't going to butt out this time. She verbally assualted me then espected me to talk to her. I told my my ex i didn't want to talk to her mom and she tried to force me on AIM so i signed off then this is what i was sent:

Alright Travis. It's obvious you don't want to either hear from me or talk to me since you signed off as soon as Cait told you I wanted to talk to you. That's fine. I know you didn't appreciate the message I left you, but I don't appreciate you hurting Cait, again. Twice in less than a month Travis, that's a bit much. If there's something neither of you are telling me, then someone needs to enlighten me. Otherwise, there is really no reason to cause this much pain.
She said not to say anything "mean" so I'm not. All I want to say is, you're a better actor than even I thought. You acted like you were in love with Cait for a little over a year. I think it's cowardly how you did it this time. She said you called said what you wanted to say then said you had to go and wouldn't talk to her again unless it's on the internet. Why Travis? Don't want to hear her cry?
You have succeeded. If you were trying to destroy her, congratulations, it worked. If you weren't trying, then I guess it happened without you even trying, but you knew full well it would.
I hope you have a wonderful relationship with the girl from the dance team that you're interested in. I'm sure you two will be very happy together. I say that only because Cait told me about some girl that you've been talking to and has also been talking to your mom.....she's not stupid. You made it very obvious that you wanted nothing to do with Cait when you stopped answering her calls, took your jacket back, and wouldn't return her calls. To top it off, apparently you lied one night and said you were studying or something at your house, but you weren't there when I drove by. All of this is completely yours and Cait's thing, and I'm not going to tell her what to do, but I will not, under any circumstances, allow her to get involved with you anytime soon, for fear of this happening a third time. It's obvious you want nothing to do with her, considering you've been blowing her off, but you could at least have enough balls to face her when you tell her what you did. I thought you were different Travis, but you have shown that you're no different from any other 18 year old boy.
I enjoyed the look on Cait's face whenever she thought about you, saw you, heard from you etc.. and I thank you for making at least a year of her life wonderful beyond words, now that's over. I wish I could make everything bad in y'all's relationship go away just to see her happy again, but that wouldn't do any good either....you weren't and wouldn't be happy anyway.
Good luck in college Travis. I don't imagine I'll be talking to you too much anymore, if any."

The girl from the dance team she refers to is the one i am interested in ironically. She has only made this assumption from knowing that the girl talked to me and my mom on myspace though so thats a little freaky. This is the message i sent her back:

As far as my relationship with Caitlin goes, you seem to be talking alot and not knowing much. that was obviously the case yesterday when you left those messages on my phone that caitlin spent all day apologizing for. The last time when we broke up in person it was so traumatic i almost needed freakin therapy after i left. The truth is we hashed everything out the first time we broke up so i didn't see a need to do it a second time. She knew this was coming just as well as i did because a few days earlier she had told me she wish she had thought about it before we agreed to try again. I ACTED like i was in love with Caitlin? Excuse me but have you ever heard of the saying "feelings change?" I guess i shouldn't have expected you to have heard it as your still chasing after your ex-husband. Oh...i'm sorry..did i offend you? Well as long as were getting into each others relationships have at it Julie. As for the girl on the dance team, i do have the ability to make friends at TVCC. the not answering calls bit, Yet again more talking and less knowledge on your part it's finals week. Oh and not that i owe you any explanation about where i am when studying, but i don't know if you recall me getting the answers on all my history exams? Yeah i had to go pick up the answers. The jacket was what i needed for rainy days like this when i only had my leather one to keep me warm, and if you didn't know leather spots in the rain. Secondly why does there have to be a secondary motive behind me wanting to wear my own damn jacket. That is your style though Julie, in all the time i have known you, you make a bigger deal out of everything that really grants no intrest to the ordinary person. Fear not Julie you won't have to worry about me getting into a relationship with Caitlin. I can only hope that one day you find a way to quench your thirst for drama without harming her in the process.

then she sent me this, apologize for language in advance:

Give me a ****in break Travis. I go by EXACTLY what she tells me, nothing more, nothing less. Whenever I tell her maybe you need time, or maybe you need someone else to talk to, she says no, you just stopped loving her. I can't go by anything else but what SHE tells me, and I can only go by the fact that she's telling the truth. When she called me and told me that you had broken up with her again, I told her that you're starting to sound like Megan and that she should tell you that. she said "ok" and chuckled! I told her that I was going to tell you that and all she did was, again, say "ok" and giggle again. The reason I said anything about your jacket was because she said that was one of her clues that you were about to dump her again.
I don't give a rats *** whether you think you offended me or not Travis with your comment about me "chasing my ex". I don't give a **** what you think about me and my relationship, what I do care about is something you obviously never have and never will, Caitlin. And using me writing that letter as an excuse not to come to Caitlins birthday party??? pretty chicken **** Travis, but good one. Now you can go ahead and blame me for not having the balls to just tell her no or showing up, since you apparently told her you want to be her friend. Yep, I was right, you are just like any other 18 year old hormonal "boy". Caitlins birthday doesn't have anything to do with me and you getting into it. She wanted and wants you there and I don't have a problem with it, I have said what I wanted to say, it's over. And about "feelings changing"? It's obvious your feelings for her were not real love like you preach on your profile, real love doesn't change, it works through anything. I hope someday Caitlin can experience what "real love" is supposed to be like.
Instead of harping on me about not knowing anything, why don't you ask Caitlin what she HAS told me, that's what I'm going by, not drama, not making things up, not making a big deal out of nothing, I'm going by what she has told me. Why in the world do you think I would be telling you anything unless I'm going by what she has told me? Is she wrong in what she's told me? Is she lying to me? Or you? It doesn't matter anyway. It's obvious you never liked me, even though I bragged on you all the time. I don't really care whether you ever liked me or not, all I cared about was that you and Caitlin were happy. I tried to support you two any way I could, but look at it from a third party's view. I warned Caitlin that things might change once you got into college and started seeing all these other girls you could be with, but she reassured me "mom, that's not gonna happen, he loves me, and I love him". I believe that she loved you, still does and always will. I just don't get how you can give her a ring, preach all the time that you love her and then practically overnight, stop. She can't understand it either, but I guess neither one of us has to. You have your motives, you had them all along, what they were does not concern me. My concern is Caitlin and trying to get her to see that she is not unlovable. That sometimes people change....I was trying to support you Travis and telling her that maybe it's for the best, but when you just drop her like a sack of trash and don't even acknowledge her existence, that tends to rub people the wrong way and that's what you did according to her. Why don't you ask her "Caitlin, what have you told your mom?" Either she's not telling me the whole thing, or you're just that much of an *******, which I never believed but anythings possible.
Quench my thirst for drama? You're funny Travis. And what exactly did you "quench your thirst for" with my daughter? Oh, never mind, I already know. Like I said Travis, real love doesn't change, it works things out. You said a mouthful when you said "feelings change". Yours did, hers didn't. She still loves you.
She doesn't even want to have a birthday party if you're not going to be there, but it's obvious that is no concern of yours now and you really don't care whether she has one or not.
Good luck finding someone who loves you as much as she does Travis. And don't worry about "offending" me, I've been told worse things by better people. I don't give a **** what you think about me.
Julie


so to top it all of tonight i went to walmart and i ran into caitlin her mom and her friend and i had my new interest with me!! What should i do? My mom says i should just ignore and block her from now on. I don't know i'm so freakin lost if you read all this your my hero and i thank you.

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As The Shadow Follows The Body, As We Think, So We Become.

Posts: 157 | From: Athens, Texas, USA | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
xxchloexx
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well i jus dont know what to say,
sorry

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c.king

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ghostie
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That is tough! Really, her mum should be staying way way out of this.
Relationships end all the time, and i would have expected that a woman of experience would realise that breakups happen in most young relationships and are often VERY difficult when th concept of love is involved with either or both partners.
For now, I agree with your mum [Smile]
Time is a wonderful healer and it will do both Caitlin and her mum good to just forget about this for a while as much as possible, and do you good to take time to get your life settled and content [Smile]
Although, bringing up her mothers past relationships obviously made her more angry and made you seem more spiteful, in future I think it would be wise to keep a mature and level head on when handling these issues.
Maybe soon, you could unblock her to ask her how life is etc, let her know you still think of her perhaps (if you do)
but it is safer for now to really step back and let her know you are serious and that she needs to get by without you now.
in the end she will be thankful you were truthful and I personally think her mother is being very immature thinking you should stay together just for Cait, why should you if one of you isn't happy or is just doing it out of guilt?


Also, xxchloexx, please do not reply if you have nothing helpful to say, it does no one any good and clogs up the boards, makes people think this topic has been answered already etc. Thankyou.

[ 12-11-2006, 08:09 PM: Message edited by: NoisyPinkBubbles ]

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Airem
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Now her friends are calling me saying that she won't come out of her house for her birthday so to make her happy i must show up there. I guess they expect me to ignore her mom who cussed me very thoroughly....

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As The Shadow Follows The Body, As We Think, So We Become.

Posts: 157 | From: Athens, Texas, USA | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Lauren-
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Her friends seem to be taking this a little too seriously. I'd suggest you cut contact awhile with everybody involved -- your ex and her friends.

Tell them bluntly that it's naive to expect every high school relationship to last long term, let alone a lifetime. Your happiness shouldn't be at stake just to pander to the needs of others.

Besides, with all you posted about your ex, it really seems as if she's not in a healthy mindset to be having any sort of romantic relationship, period. You were a good, supportive boyfriend, but I guess as you found out, that can only take someone so far.

It could do you well to take a break from relationships, too. I know if I were in your shoes, I'd just want to chill from the drama for awhile.

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jay_d
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Caitlin may be charming for all I know. Her mom, otoh, reads like an 'abusive domestic partnership' checklist - "you're worthless scum and I forbid you to leave a relationship."

Unfortunately, while storage of offline messages on a centralized IM server usually qualifies as "interstate communications," the anonymity requirement of 47 USC 223 may be a bit weaker... though the fact that she didn't technically include her name may be enough for a "cease and desist" letter on shallow pretext; consult with a qualified legal practicioner for more information.

Texas law, where you claim your location as, may be a bit more helpful...

sends repeated electronic communications in a
manner reasonably likely to harass, annoy, alarm, abuse, torment, embarrass, or offend another.


http://tlo2.tlc.state.tx.us/statutes/docs/PE/content/htm/pe.009.00.000042.00.htm#42.07.00

It is possible that "I do not want to speak with" and "reasonably likely to annoy" are synonyms.

Please understand that I am not a qualified attorney, and this is not legal advice. In all such cases, it is best to consult with a qualified legal practicioner in the jurisdiction in question.

Your mom also has a good idea, IMO. Best of luck in whatever you decide to do.

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Heather
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I think it's important to remember, Airem, that your ex girlfriend was very deeply troubled.

This stuff doesn't come out of nowhere, and with younger people, it's exceptionally rare not to find a deeply troubled person whose parent or parents did not play a hefty role in their dysfunction.

Clearly, we're all looking at very clear evidence of this. It's terribly sad that's the case for her, but right now, the person to take care of is you.

I'd agree with jay_d here: this IS actually a very valid harassment issue you're dealing with here.

(And I am terribly sorry you're having to deal with it, and so upset that anyone would send you the message that you did not try your very best to do right by this girl -- often to your own detriment -- which any of us reading your calls for help with her during your tenure here are well aware of. I very sincerely hope her mother has not made you doubt that you really went beyond the call to try and help your ex, often when her family and others would not.)

I would suggest that you do bloack the numbers. I would also suggest, flatly, that you write up a formal, very unemotional letter, asking for she and her mother to cease all contact with you, with printouts of the communications they sent enclosed; that you make clear you consider yourself to be harassed right now, and that you will take legal action should there be any more contact from them. (Obviously, you need to not contact them yourself, either.) Then make a copy for yourself of all of that, then send one copy to them certified mail. Staple the certified mail recipt to your copy, and keep it in your records. Should they contact you again in any way, march on down to your local police station -- with a parent to give you some extra support -- and hand it over and file a complaint.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Est. In 1984
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What happen when you ran into them @ Wal*mart?
I agree with both Heather and Jay_d...some realtionships do not last forever and thats ok. You should not have to compromise your happiness to keep her happy. NO WAY! Life goes on and in time she will be ok. As for her mother...what is her problem? I have NEVER seen or heard of a grown women act in such an immature manner. She is not making the situation n-e easier on her daughter. Her focus should be helping her daughter cope w/ the breakup and help her understand that it's ok that it didnt work out. She acts as if though you are the only guy out there for her daughter. So does she just want you to be with her daughter and act like everything is ok? Block both of them and keep your distance. NO CONTACT!

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"I've touched Ur soul & left my mark in ur heart....There's no forgetting me, dont bother trying."...(ME)

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Airem
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when i ran into them at walmart her mom just stared the girl i was with down. Then cait in front of her tried to hug and kiss me but i gave her the cheek. I don't know whether she was trying to kiss my lips or my cheek but i know where it landed

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As The Shadow Follows The Body, As We Think, So We Become.

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Est. In 1984
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Oh...wow! The fact that she still thinks its ok to go up to you and kiss brings me to the conclusion that this break up is not real to her (denial). Maybe she thinks this is another part time breakup and you'll get back together again. She needs to emotionally detach herself from you. Which sometimes is the hardest to do. You shouldnt have even given her the cheek. Have you talked to her one on one? A serious conversation on why you no longer want to be with her? You definately need to make them aware that you want NO contact verbal or physcial with either of them. Her mother truly needs to grow up. Is it REALLY over or are you letting this happen because you feel you'll be with her later? Just wondering...

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"I've touched Ur soul & left my mark in ur heart....There's no forgetting me, dont bother trying."...(ME)

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Airem
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no it's over and i'm kinda getting involved in a relationship with a girl at my college and she was the one i was at walmart with lol. Cait only did it to try and mark territory i think.

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As The Shadow Follows The Body, As We Think, So We Become.

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thathollygirl
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Even if you both "know" that it's over, I think you need to make it much, much clearer. Both your ex and her mother are way out of line, and there's no reason for you to have to put up with it. Also, ditto for the friends--it's none of their business.
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Heather
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(Just an FYI for users: you can see a user's posting history by clicking the "recent posts" link in their profile. Airem has a loooooooong history with his ex, and I've little doubt he was murky about this, nor -- especially given her hsitory and troubles -- do I think it's the fault of Airem in not being clear enough for the harassment. of course, it's never anyone's fault who is being harrassed, period.

And generally, rather than putting onself in the line of fire again and again, it tends to be a lot more effective to go the more official routes towards protecting oneself from it, especially when you know that someone and their femaily are troubled.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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