Hey all, I'm nineteen and have just started seeing this guy, but our status (dating, couple, committed, causual?) is rather ambiguous, so I was thinking I'd use you as a sounding board for my approach to our friendship.
Background: I chatted with him on facebook for about a month, we went to Spanish hour several times together, then the night before Thanksgiving break we made cookies and made out. Since then, I've gone on several walks with him, made out once, gone to walz with him, and gone to dinner with him several times. We've also exchanged e-mails, including a few this week.
I like him a great deal, and he seems like a pretty good guy. But sometimes I'm a little shy about communicating with him. It's just that he's really quiet sometimes, and usually very tired (he's got a ridiculous schedule), so besides just chatting and casual hanging out, I haven't felt the time was right to ask about what he wants/expects to get out of the friendship.
First off, he's the first guy I've kissed, which I find very exciting. But I haven't mentioned that he's my first kiss, because I don't want him to feel overly pressured.
I've had some uber-crushes before, so I'm hesitant to over-commit emotionally. I also don't want to crowd him, or seem like I'm too controlling or obsessive.
During Waltz, we danced for about an hour, but I felt like he was physically holding me at a distance. I kissed him once on the chin, but he didn't kiss me back. I'm not sure if he was just uncomfortable with the environment (it was fairly loud, and people kept bumping into us) or if he just wasn't into me.
This last week has been crazy for us both, because it's the week before finals, when everyone's going crazy and enduring multiple all-nighters. Needless to say, we haven't spent much time together. I called him last night to ask him if he wanted to go to dinner, but I managed to wake him up from a nap. I let him know that it was fine for him to go back to bed, because I don't want to apply a guilt-trip. He later e-mailed me and said he had lots of work that night, but we could hang out "tomorrow, maybe."
Realistically, it's a crazy time to try and work at a relationship, or even worry about social things, so I wrote him back, "that's cool. Hang in there!"
The thing is, I'd really like to know what's up: does he like me, or want to have a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with me, or am I just a makeout partner. (To me, he doesn't seem like the type who'd go for that. But for all it's worth, he's still "single" on facebook, while I've removed my relationship status.) But I feel like I should keep my dignity, not appear desperate, and should ask him about this when we're not both stressed and overloaded. I figure, this is a bad time to ask emotional work from somebody. Gah. But I really want to know what's up!
In the meantime, I'm going to focus on myself and hang out with my friends.
Does my approach sound reasonable? I'd welcome your advice.
Thanks very much, Juniata
-------------------- I LOVE SCARLETEEN. This site is better than sliced bread! Posts: 83 | From: Northeast | Registered: Jul 2005
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It sounds like you're handeling things well.
For now, especially because it's an uber-stressful time with finals and school, I think focusing on keeping YOU well and healthy and happy, and doing well in classes, and spending time with your friends, etc. is an excellent decision - completely regardless of what your status is with this guy. Even people in established relationships need to take time for themselves and having friendhsips outside the relaqtionship.
So, good for you, girl! Keep you as #1, and maybe after things have settled down after finals and you both have a bit more free time you may be able to meet up with him again and talk to him then about what both of you are feeling about your relationship and where you might want to go with it.
-------------------- Jean aka dailicious Scarleteen Volunteer Love us? Want to keep us in your lives and hearts? Give what you can! Posts: 3382 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005
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