Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Crossing The Line?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Crossing The Line?
muisy
Activist
Member # 31745

Icon 1 posted      Profile for muisy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, great right? Maybe. I am actually a really jealous person (I know, I'm trying so hard to work on that) but lately I think I'm losing my mind. It's like on of those "I'd rather be miserable w/ him than miserable w/o him" situations. He works at a store where there a few girls he pays a lot of attention too, and they flirt ALL the time. They even talk on-line now, and I hate this, only because I know that they are flirting--it's ALL the ever do and I really don't like it (I've told him this and he doesn't care because "I don't have anything to worry about") I know that he's not doing anything physically with them, it's just that he gives them more attention, I feel anyway. I don't know if this is over-reacting, but for one of the girls' birthday he sent her a really pretty away message, and I got squat. We don't even talk online anymore (I can't stand to be on when he's talking to them--and he talks to them every night)
He tells me he loves me and that I have nothing to worry about, he just does it to flirt, be I'm the one he wants. Any advice?

Posts: 40 | From: US | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
thathollygirl
Activist
Member # 29912

Icon 1 posted      Profile for thathollygirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It's not ridiculous for you to dislike this--just because it's not physical doesn't mean you can't find it inappropriate. Of course, his friendships are his business, but he should make some steps toward meeting you halfway. Just blowing you off altogether is over the line. Talk stuff over, about your trust in him and comfort level with these friends and all. Just because he loves you doesn't mean he can't hurt you, and you need to make sure to let him know this.
Posts: 70 | From: place | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Have you also express that YOU like being flirted with, too?

Flirting doesn't stop being fun and important once you've entered a relationship: it really never stops being important.

In other words, it sounds like the primary issue here is that YOU aren't getting what you want and need, other girls to flirt with or no.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Luftmensch
Neophyte
Member # 31743

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Luftmensch     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I agree. I don't think what you really need is for these girls to evaporate. It sounds like you just need attention, love, and security. I think you ought to tell him about your feelings. Someone once told me that men are like dogs, and you have to treat them as such. The minute you accuse, they are defensive and hide (which it sounds like he's already done). One effective way is to say...

Dear, I'm not trying to blame you for anything, i just want you to listen... I'm feeling very insecure about your relationship with *women.* I noticed you doing *this.* It makes me envious becuase I don't feel like you're giving me the same attention, and I'm feeling hurt. I need *this.* Remember, I'm not trying to blame you for anything. Thanks.

Posts: 7 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

Icon 1 posted      Profile for September     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Luftmensch:
Someone once told me that men are like dogs, and you have to treat them as such. The minute you accuse, they are defensive and hide (which it sounds like he's already done).


Just so you know - that kind of generalisation is not cool around here. People are individuals, okay? Not all men act and think alike, and neither do all women.

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3