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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » long distance dilemma!

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Author Topic: long distance dilemma!
Member # 26219

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hi there!

I am going through a dilemma in my life and its making me so depressed. I have been with my fiance for 3.5 years, we have been engaged for a few months now. when we started going out we were in the same country but for reasons beyond my control i had to move away to another country, this was around one year and a half ago. we see each other every few months. i am not happy where i am at all, i live on my own, my family rarely contact me, i dont have any friends and i am feeling so lonely, i spend most of my time between work, watching tv and surfing the net. as time went by the lonliness became unbareable, and as a result started to call my fiance more than before sometimes more than once a day. he doesnt like it, he says that he is busy with work and life and that i have noting much to do and i should understand that our life schedules are different. i get so hurt when this happens because i feel that he doesnt have time for me anymore, even on weekends i feel that he would rather relax than talk to me and when i text him he rarely replies. he says that he loves me and cant wait for me to move back to where he is but until that happens it will be good if we focused on our jobs and lives and speak every other day instead of everyday and that i should find things to do.when we are together he is very nice to me and things are great. i recently had a breakdown and i called him sobbing, he was out with friends but he spoke to me for a few minutes trying to calm me down but then he didnt call me or text me that same night not even to check on me, i felt that he got upset cause i spoilt his evening. at times i feel that i am so demanding and maybe thats why he is drifitng away from me but i dont know what to do. i love him and miss him madly but he is very practical person whereas i am not, i am more dreamy, emotional and still expects the relationship to be as it was when we first started going out but i guess thats not possible cause time changes things. what shall i do, please advice, is it me or him at fault? or am i going through serious depression!

Posts: 23 | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27470

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Neither of you are at fault, but it might be wise to at some point acknowledge your need for a more emotional connection. I would argue that he does owe you that.

Depression in this situation is completely understandable. If you're having trouble, consider seeing a counselor. There is never anything wrong with asking for help.

I would urge you to start reaching out again and try to rebuild some of your friendships. In such situations, a strong friend base is essential in healing.

You need to talk to your fiance about this. Brainstorm ways to maintain connection while allowing each other to live.

Medicor iste libatio.

Posts: 8 | From: Grand Rapids, MI | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 26219

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thanks everglow for your help.
Posts: 23 | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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