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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » girlfriend's mom

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Author Topic: girlfriend's mom
Member # 25038

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I have been with my gf for about 4 months. Her mother is very protective of her and very controlling. Sometimes i feel like she has more control over my relationship with my gf than either of us do. She keeps making these absurd claims that I am disrespecting her (the mother)and blames me for almost everything. It's making it very difficult. Last night she told my girlfriend i was a liar and she shouldn't trust me because i mixed up the times that someone was coming over. That's lying. Little mistakes are inflated into these big things and its very annoying. I love my gf a lot and I don't want to leave her for this reason because it's not her fault. What exactly should I do in this situation? Also, my girlfriend said something about she lost my trust because i lied but i think shes just trying not to get in trouble with her mother. Very complicated situation. I have no idea what to do.
Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 31452

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Hey Bobman,

I've actually been in a pretty similar situation to yours before. It's rough situation, but before you do anything, I'd really take a minute to think about how you've been acting lately, especially around her mother. Take a little extra time to say your please and thank-yous when you're around. A little bit of politeness can go a long way. It shows respect, which is something you should always show, especially to the parents of the girl you like. She loves her daughter just as much as you do, and she's probably just trying to protect her.

If you make these little tweaks and she's still on the rampage, maybe try and arrange a time when just the two of you (you and her mother) can sit down and chat. Maybe at a nearby coffee place, maybe in their living room. This will give you both a chance to explain yourselves. Just remember that she's still the adult in the situation, and that this is the BEST time to show how mature and responsible you are. Don't attack her as soon as she sits down with "WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO TURN MY LOVE AGAINST ME WITH YOUR LIES!!" even though that's probably what you feel like saying. Instead, maybe ask how she's doing, and then ease into it by asking what you could do to make the situation easier for her. She might not be used to the idea of her daughter in a serious relationship yet.

I would also think about sitting down with your girlfriend and talking to her about it. You're obviously willing to try anything to make it work with the two of you, so ask her how she feels about the situation. Maybe bring up the lack of trust issue, and ask what it was that made her lose her trust in you. Tell her how you feel about it, but again, try not to attack her. If she wants this relationship to work as much as you do, you should be able to pull through no matter what.

In the end, you really have to decide if you love this girl enough to go through all of this. It will take a lot of time and energy to get her mom on your side (and it might never happen at all!) so really think about the pros and cons of the relationship.

I know how confused and frustrated you feel by this whole ordeal. When I was there, I felt like this uncontrollable force had complete grasp over my life, but I couldn't really do anything about it. When you said that her mom seemed to have more control over the situation than you over your girlfriend, you'd be right. Because she does. But you can do everything that YOU can do to prove to her that you're right for her daughter.

Good luck!!! [Smile]

Posts: 3 | From: Alberta | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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