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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Fights

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Author Topic: Fights
November
Activist
Member # 29762

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My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago saying that we fight all the time, but we definitely do not. We fight probably once a month and this past month we fought twice because we are both extremely stressed out with school and family things. I know I shouldn't be calling him my boyfriend but I know that when I talk to him, he will see where I'm coming from. He used to have a very bad temper, this was way before we dated, and supposedly he's calmed down since. However, when I get upset with him, I'll tell him and he flips out.

Do you guys have any advice? I didn't think we fought that much. I think he dwells on every fight we've ever had, I, on the other hand, forget about most of them. My sister said that she and her boyfriend fight almost every day, but neither of them think too much about the fights. Please give me some advice on what I should say to him. I didn't think there was one right way to have a relationship. Some couples fight more than others, but their fights shouldn't determine how good their relationship is.

He keeps on saying how he didn't fight this much with his ex's but the both cheated on him, and one cheated on him twice! My last boyfriend and I fought 3 times in our 15 month relationship and it was a terrible relationship. Probably because we hardly fought.

I've already put much thought into the talk I'm going to be having with him tomorrow, but I would like to hear other people's thoughts on this.

Please? Thank you.

Posts: 63 | From: US | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
November
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Member # 29762

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Please, someone say something. I really could use your guy's help.
Posts: 63 | From: US | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Whether or not we think you two fought a lot doesn't change the fact that your boyfriend obviously seems to think so. Not to mention that it's really tough for us to judge things like that because we weren't there for the whole of your relationship and even if we had been, our perception of it might be different from yours, and different again from your boyfriend's.

If you do not understand your boyfriends reason for breaking up with you, ask him to explain it to you. But ultimately, you will have to accept his decision.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Alea
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Member # 31146

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I agree with September here - our opinions about your relationship really aren't going to change the fact that your boyfriend ended things. November, you seem to be thinking that if you can prove his reasons for breaking up with you wrong, that will mean that you two will be a couple again. That is rarely the case. If you feel that his reasons for ending the relationship were spurious, I'd suggest calling him and asking if you two can meet to talk about things - if he's unwilling to try to work on the relationship, then at least so that you can talk about why things didn't work.

It's important to know why a relationship ends. Very rarely does the end of a relationship come about solely because of the actions of one person. Knowing why you broke up (as you think that the reason he gave was incorrect) can, if not heal the prior relationship, enable you to not make the same mistakes later on. Just remember throughout this that it takes two people to make a relationship, and that there is no joy to be gained from having a boyfriend who doesn't want to be with you.

With that said, I know how painful breakups can be. It sounds like you haven't accepted this one yet, and for your sake, I hope that things can be reconciled. If they can't be, my prayers will be with you as you go through this emotionally painful time.

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Obscurity is the refuge of the incompetent.

Posts: 58 | From: Corvallis, Oregon | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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