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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Relationship advice?

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Author Topic: Relationship advice?
Member # 31033

Icon 11 posted      Profile for jess22     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost a year and a half. He is the sweetest guy in the world and we love each other very much.

We have not had sex yet--he's been very understanding and patient--and it helps that we have lots of other mutual interests and really enjoy each others company, so the relationship hasn't gotten stale. In fact, it's the opposite--we care about each other on an emotional level that a lot of couples don't have.

Even though we have everything on 'the checklist' covered, I'm still hesitant to have sex because I'm hung up on one thing; he's my first boyfriend ever.

I started late in the dating game and didn't go out with any guys until the very end of junior year of high school. We go to college together now.

I love him a lot, but I feel like maybe it's lame or slutty to have sex with the guy who was your first kiss. I also feel that if we ever break up it will be all the more heartbreaking because he will have been my first love, my first boyfriend, my first kiss, AND my first sexual partner.

Even though we love each other, I feel like i'm settling for the first thing that comes along. Do I need other boyfriends to make sure I'm making the best choice?

Posts: 2 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 30556

Icon 1 posted      Profile for kathryn888     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think it's perfectly fine to have sex with your first boyfriend! It is certainly not lame or slutty. Slutty behavior is nearly impossible to define. Sounds like you have a loving, happy relationship here. Go for it girl!

If this "first boyfriend ever" fear is the only thing stopping you, then ask yourself: Why CAN'T he be your first love, first kiss, and first sexual partner. Where is it written that one person can't be all those fantastic memories in your life?

If and when you 2 break up, no doubt about it, that will be a tough time for you. The boy that you had all these great times with will not be in your life as he is now. But that's okay. At that point, I don't think you will regret having sex with him.

Bottom line: If you don't want to wait anymore, don't!

Posts: 23 | From: Massachusetts, USA | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 30599

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The beginning (minus the sex part) sounds just like my boyfriend and I.

Personally, I think it's charming to have sex with your first boyfriend. My boyfriend now wasn't my first boyfriend, but I am his first girlfriend.

As long as you're safe and the sex is consensual, it doesn't really matter if he's your first boyfriend. I don't know where you got the idea of having sex with the first person you kissed makes you slutty; I would think the exact opposite. Also, you have to realize that breaking up is a part of life. Some people have life-long relationships with their first love; but the majority don't. All break ups are difficult, even if you've only been with that person for a short period of time.

I can't really tell you if you need other boyfriends to make sure you're making the best choice; that comes from inside you.

If you truly love someone, you shouldn't just be settling.

Posts: 63 | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 28874

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I think sex is just one of those ultimate connections to someone you care for very much [Smile]
Your relationship sounds wonderful, so if you both do decide to have sex it would just be one of the many things you both enjoy to do together.

I was my ex's first girlfriend, kiss and i took his virginity, but in the end he left me..
So really, the fact that I was his first didn't matter too much.
Maybe this was because after having sex, all the stereotypical meanings just didn't seem to matter and he had defined it for himself.

If you choose not to have sex, I know you will still have a much better relationship than so many people..they will be jealous [Razz]

[ 10-10-2006, 06:44 AM: Message edited by: NoisyPinkBubbles ]

Posts: 165 | From: England. | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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