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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Oh Brother...

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Author Topic: Oh Brother...
Member # 26880

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I have a terrible relationship with my brother, and whenever I go to great lengths to be nice, polite, reasonable, and helpful, he ignores it and forgets ten minutes later.

Key example: He told me he needed army men for a school project. The night before the project was due. Parents weren't home (in italy for three weeks). So I left early so I could stop at a toy store to get plastic army men before my choir practice. I had to try 3 different stores and ended up way late, but I got his army men. With my own money.

He didn't even say thanks.

This was about 16 days ago. Yesterday I asked him if he remembered me getting him the army men. He said "What army men?" I reminded him. He was like "No, those we're my friends army men." I explained that I had bought them for him, and he said something along the lines of "Okay, if you say so." and went right back to playing computer.

My parents were in Italy for 3 weeks. I tried to get him to do something, anything, for 3 weeks, and he wouldn't. We have a dishwasher, and yet he would toss the plates on the counter right above the dishwasher, despite putting them in the dishwasher would have added no more than 2 seconds per dish. He refused to put the recycling away. His only job was feeding the cat and changing it's litterbox - and he didn't do either - I found out he was only feeding the cat when the food dish got empty, so about once every 3 days. He never changed the litterbox, and the back door area smells rancid as a result.

I asked him to help clean tonight so my parents could come home to a clean house. We made an agreement wednesday night that I would vacuum, he would put recycling and dishes away and wash them, I would wash the floor.

I asked him to do the picking up again thursday night. He told me he would friday morning.
Friday evening, at 10:00, after I came home from 3 hours of work, he told me he wouldn't do it. Because he rather play computer. (He plays 7 hours of computer each night - 3:00 home to 10 or 11:00 bed).

So here it is: 10:00, I'm doing dishes, putting away recycling, picking up the floor - doing everything he was supposed to be doing. I asked him if he could do his jobs. He told me to say please (which I had already done). I did again. "No."

He is 16. I'm just turned 18.

I am frustrated, upset, overworked. For 3 weeks, I did the grocery shopping, I organized all the rides, I did the laundry, I cleaned up the house. Now, I did all his cleaning tonight.

I don't understand what is wrong with him? I told him that if the house didn't get clean, it would upset mom and dad. He said he didn't care.

This is not a sudden change - he's been like this for about 3 years.

Another example - I'm driving him to piano lessons - I don't know where the place is. I ask him. He says "Left turn, way up." I asked him to tell me when we were getting close, he said he would.
A few minutes later "We just passed it"
I was like "What? I was watching the left side."
"Oh...I meant right."

Over 3 weeks he burned 5 different things using the microwave setting rather then the oven setting - I tell him he has to make sure he presses "Oven Temp - Preheat" and then the temperature, followed by "Convec time" - each time, he hits "Micro time" instead. So the house smells like burnt stew/cake/garlic bread.

I don't understand why he is so unresponsive and why he won't help out when I ask him to. It is as if he does not recognize the concept of work.

19, male, interested in Sadomasochism (BDSM) and some bisexual tendancies.

Posts: 157 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

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Have you spoken to your parents about what you have noticed? If not, then I'd suggest starting there. They may want to have him evaluated to find out if this is some teenage rebellion or if it's something that really has to do with a memory issue of some type.

Sarah Liz

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 26880

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Repeatedly over the last couple years. They just nag him into doing whatever they want, threatening to turn off the computer. They don't seem to realize his lack of motivation, and whenever I point it out, they tell me that they are aware and that it can wait, or they are working on him, or he's certain to grow up soon.

19, male, interested in Sadomasochism (BDSM) and some bisexual tendancies.

Posts: 157 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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