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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I'm horrible...

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Author Topic: I'm horrible...
BiLLaBaBy017
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Member # 6514

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Alright so here I am again posting another one of my famous thingy ma jiggers. So i did something that I SWORE to myself that I would never do to anyone that I had a relationship with. Max got back from Iraq on Friday 9/29. He had found out that I cheated on him. I did, with my co-worker Rick, while he was away in Iraq. Me and Rick have gotten close, and I love him, but I'm not in love with him. As soon as Max found out he beat the crapizzle out of me. I got a busted upper and lower lip, my tongue is all messed up and can't eat certain foods, scratches and small gashes all over my neck as face, they're going away but you can still see them.

I didn't call the police, instead I went to the post Chaplain and he talked to his First Sargeant. Everyone including my family think we should still go through with this divorce. Now that I think about things, I really don't wanna divorce Max, I still love him more than ever and I have faith that this relationship could work itself out, but I know that it's just not true, or possible for that matter.

This guy, Rick, is sweet and caring. He has a big heart and would do anything for anyone of his friends. Only problem is that he is attractive, and a few of the girls that we work with are under 18. There's this one girl Kiersten who seems to be completely in love with Rick, and it upsets me. She puts up on her MySpace that Rick loves her and no one else, everyone should be jealous blah-dy blah-dy bleh!

And he's been talking to a few girls on MySpace, who I will admit are in fact very pretty, and he talks to them or acknowledges them more than me most of the time. Whenever we're both online he will talk to me for a few minutes straight, and then he won't even respond for almost 10 minutes, because I know he's talking to one of the other girls. I have no problem with him talking to them, but he says one thing to me, but does another when I'm not around. There's this girl that he met on there who lives in Florida. He has even said that they have looked at bus tickets and hotel rooms for when and if she comes up here to meet him. He says that if she did come up here he would stay with her at the hotel, but that nothing would happen. Some people tell me that he is a player, and some people tell me that he is a genuine guy. I've talked to his dad and he tells me the same things that I have gathered from my own observations, everything seems to be true except for the player part.

He tells me that he loves me and he wants to make a relationship work with me, but what's with all the crap that he has been saying to the other girls that he talks to. Should I just get rid of both of them? I know that I have to give Max up because I know we can't work things out and he's just too abusive, and I want to give Rick a chance, and he says he wants me and only me, but I'm not sure.

I know that I definitely have to give myself time to heal, go back home and try and get my feet back on the ground again after all this drama. But what I want to know is this: after I am done healing, should I even think of trying to date Rick? Or am I setting myself up to get stomped on again?

Phew, this is a long post, I hope you're not bored already [Big Grin]

[ 10-07-2006, 05:44 PM: Message edited by: BiLLaBaBy017 ]

Posts: 294 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Lauren-
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Oh my lord, Ashley. I'm so sorry to hear about the assault.

You need to get away from Max ASAP. You may have a lot of love to offer, but it's not appreciated, let alone reciprocated, in a relationship like that. Your family sounds as if they'd be very supportive of you going through with the divorce and getting away; could you possibly stay with one of them for awhile?

As for Rick, it really sounds like something you might want to reconsider getting tangled in. I wouldn't even consider a relationship with him until you've had some time on your own to pull your life together, not only for your mental health (enough relationship drama already, you know?), but due his questionable behavior.

If it looks like he's saying one thing and doing another, he likely is. I wouldn't take any promise of a relationship seriously when he's constantly chatting up/romantically involved with other women -- especially if he's reciprocating the affection of the minors.

I know it can be hard, but I think it'd really be best for you to fly solo for awhile. Work on rebuilding your life, rededicating yourself to your hobbies, and seriously consider some counseling or therapy.

You seem like you have a lot of love and nurturing to give; how about volunteering at an animal shelter or hospital? A caged kitten or child recovering from surgery sure isn't going to scorn your efforts to be loving and caring. [Smile]

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BiLLaBaBy017
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I tried to have a talk with him and things didn't go as I had planned. I wanted him to tell me how he truly felt and he says "You ask me everyday how I feel about you." Maybe I do and I don't realize it, but I need reassurance that he's not going to hurt me like Max has. I do have flaws, Rick has flaws, everyone has flaws. But what I don't get is why Rick can't just stick to one girl? I'm sure he has been sticking with me but I'm not used to him talking to other girls. When I was with Max I didn't have to worry about him talking to girls because he never really had any girl friends. I want to trust Rick, and I do, to an extent. Call me jealous if you will but I need to know what to do here.

--------------------
Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is mystery
Today is a gift


*^_AsHLeY_^*

Posts: 294 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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Ashley, I'm having trouble phrasing this so please bear with me... I understand how you want to know that Rick's playing it straight (which he doesn't seem to be doing.) But right now isn't the time to be considering any relationship other than working on the one with yourself. And Max is abusive, so any "positive" behavioral things are pretty much cancelled out. (And not having any girl friends isn't necessarily a positive thing.)

Seriously, absolutely stay away from Max and please avoid anything with Rick, too. You're sensing something is wrong with Rick, which is great to realize! Your sense for noticing something wrong is working and worth listening to! In positive relationships, you can trust one another, regardless of friends of the opposite gender, etc.

What about Miss Lauren's post? I think she's right on the dot about getting more involved in other things right now. What are you interested in?

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kathryn888
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I agree w/ Ecofem! Life is so fun when you share your gifts with people. Even if those people are strangers when you first start out. I swear, something incredible happens when you volunteer and get involved with whatever it is you're interested in. The world seems a little bit brighter and from my experience, wounds heal faster.
Posts: 23 | From: Massachusetts, USA | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BiLLaBaBy017
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I'm a normal person I think. I like to drive around aimlessly, which sounds a little immature but it's what I like to do. I like to write in my journal, go to the movies, that's basically it. I'm a very shy person so I don't have too many friends right now.

I do appreciate all your advice, but it's seriously a lot to swallow right now. When this divorce is final all i will be able to think about are the "what ifs." I ALWAYS think about the what ifs, and I hate doing that. I should be able to live my life one day at a time, but I'm such a worry bug that I hate getting hurt. I'd like to become more social and have more friends, but I think my vulnerable side shows when I'm talking to people, maybe that's why they don't talk to me much. I don't know, but whatever the case is, I'd really like to get over that. I'm dying for new friends.

R is a good guy and all, and M really needs help. I just wish things could have been a little differently you know? I'm so confused on what I should do.... I take all advice into consideration. But what should I do as far as getting new friends goes?

--------------------
Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is mystery
Today is a gift


*^_AsHLeY_^*

Posts: 294 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PigmyPuff
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My opinion is: give yourself a break from relationhips. Max was a really bad experience and Rick doesn't seem right, does he? so, why don't you slow down a bit, carry the divorce and mainly concentrate on YOU. Go out, meet and make friends and don't forget: you're the principal character in this story, so if anything is more urgent here, those are your feelings.

[ 10-15-2006, 02:54 AM: Message edited by: PigmyPuff ]

Posts: 24 | From: Argentina | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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