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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Am I being selfish?

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Author Topic: Am I being selfish?
Member # 30756

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My 21st birthday is coming up (October 3rd), and since it's on Tuesday and I have college all week, my boyfriend promised me that he would come home that week, and go out to the clubs with me and my friends on the weekend with me. The point of him coming home that week instead of me going to visit him was because I wanted to go out to the places I liked and everything, since it was my birthday. My boyfriend is in the United States Air Force, by the way, so I only get to see him once a month. He found out a few days ago that he was going to get deployed in January. He promised me that the place he's going to get sent to is not a war-area at all, and he should more than likely be completely safe (especially with his line of work there).

Anyway, I was talking to him last night about my birthday and stuff, and he tells me that he talked to his friend Jax about having bonfires that Friday and Saturday he'll be home...also the nights he promised he'd go out with me for my birthday (I promised him a long time ago I wouldn't go out to clubs or drink in public without him). When I asked him why he made plans for that when he had told me he'd go out with me, he told me that he doesn't like all of the smoke in the clubs, and that that weekend was going to be his "home-coming" and "going-away party" before he gets deployed...Mind you, he's coming home two more times after my birthday BEFORE he gets deployed. I'm just like..."Well, gee, thanks..." Then he started to tell me that I'm selfish and that he might never see any of his friends again etc etc etc...and made me feel really bad for being upset that he completely ruined my plans for my birthday.

Do you think I'm really being selfish for being upset about that? I'm pretty bummed that I'm going to be spending my 21st birthday with a bunch of his friends that I don't really know instead of mine...and I don't know if that's selfish or not based on the situation...

Posts: 18 | From: Detroit | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Wise Janet Weiss
Member # 30392

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Your not being selfish!

I mean he promised you right?

[ 09-17-2006, 11:11 AM: Message edited by: Tuxy ]

Posts: 320 | From: South of something. | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 29804

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Although you're not being selfish, look at this from his point of view. He's getting deployed. War zone or not, it's going to be scary, and a huge adjustment for him. You do get to see him two more times before he goes away. And if I read it right, this is the last time he's seeing his friends before he goes away. He's going to want to maximize his time with everyone he knows before he's deployed. Since it sounds like he's bringing his friends along on your birthday, and you don't like that, don't go. Tell him you want to spend your birthday with your friends. Go out and have a celebration with your friends, and let him say goodbye to his friends. You don't have to go along with he and his friends. Then, next time you see him, have a birthday celebration with just the two of you. Of course, it's belated, but still, it's better than having a miserable 21st birthday.
Posts: 103 | From: New York | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 30599

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I don't think you're being selfish at all! What I believe you said is that he's coming home two more times before he gets deployed. At that time he could have his "bon-fire" with his friends. Plus, you're allowed to be selfish on your birthday; it's YOUR day of the year!
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Member # 30756

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He's going to see his friends after that...when he comes and visits, he's actually going to be staying with his best friend.

He also has a problem with me going out to clubs without him...

But thanks for your advice =)

Posts: 18 | From: Detroit | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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Why should he have a problem w/ you going out to clubs without him? I would say either i'm going with you or i'm going with my friends. Him not liking me going without him probably wouldn't stop me ... Especially on my birthday and when he had the option to come too.

[ 09-17-2006, 09:09 PM: Message edited by: LilBlueSmurf ]

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Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27114

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I agree with LilBlueSmurf. It's your day and you want to go to the clubs if he doesn't want to go then that's his problem and he can deal with that while he sits around the fire with his friends. I don't think you are being selfish at all in any way. If he is going to have a chance to see his friends again then I think he should be spending your birthday with you! You made the promise of not going to the clubs w/o him thinking that he would be willing to go right? So technically he's not holding up his side of the deal. I say talk to him again and tell him that you would really like to spend time with him but if that's not an option then you are going to have a good time without him.


Posts: 34 | From: U.S. | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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