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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » something to say/ask reguarding "Going Steady" from Miss Lauren

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Author Topic: something to say/ask reguarding "Going Steady" from Miss Lauren
Member # 22484

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Hey I posted this yesterday, but I don't think anyone saw it, so I'm posting a new topic about it just to get some feed back because it would really help me a lot

I've asked almost all of the older adults in my life, and they agree that things have certainly changed, for the most part. Back when my parents and grandparents were young, they would date several people at a time, for light-hearted fun. The ones who went together exclusively were "going steady".

Certainly, there were some young people who got serious even in those times, but it seems that the number has exponentially increased since then. Rarely do I hear among my peers incidences of open relationships. Anybody who engages in them is quick to be labelled a "player" or "slut".

I guess I'm looking for opinions. Do you think that young people are under more pressure these days to lock down and stay in one monogamous relationship, regardless of the quality? If so, where do you think the pressure is coming from? If not, please give your take.

Hey all!!

I have something to say to this quote...

My boyfriend and I are in a steady relationship, and we really couldn't be happier. We've been together for about 1 year and 7 months. We always talk about the future together, and we enjoy that. It makes us both happy. His parents know that we've talked about this, but mine do not. -And once my mom said that I shouldn't be so serious with him, that I should date more people... that "You will have plenty more boyfriends." She doesn't understand that I don't want to take a break from my boyfriend now, just to date other guys and see how they are. Nor do I want to have like 3 boyfriends at the same time. (Which I kind of got that vibe from her)

It makes me mad that my mom wants that. (or seems to be hinting it... maybe I'm getting the wrong vibe...but either way..) I don't know why she can't just let me live my own life... Yes, I'm young.. almost 17, but still! Its my relationship with my boyfriend, we couldn't be happier, and its not me to have a bunch of boyfriends at the same time, or to dump the man who I'm happiest with, just to see how some other guy is!

Please someone tell me your opinion on this.. it would be greatly appreciated [Big Grin] [Smile] ... if you want to know anything else, feel free to ask

--the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return--

Posts: 133 | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27083

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I am very much in your situation. I have been "steady" with my boyfriend for about a year and nine months now. I couldn't be happier with him. My parents don't pressure me to date other people, but my advice to you would be to do what you feel is right. If you want to stay with him -- if you're happy where you are -- then don't worry about it. Stay with him. However, remember that parents have your best interests at heart in most situations, and this is no exception.

[ 07-26-2006, 10:59 PM: Message edited by: Mathilde ]

Posts: 80 | From: Alabama, USA | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 25983

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Thanks for taking such an interest in my topic, floridian2x. [Smile] Though what I meant for it to be about was to discuss WHY such a trend was occuring, and what social changes seem to have encouraged it.

It's great that you're in a relationship that makes you happy. My intent wasn't to put-down people who choose long-term relationship as teens; heck, I'm guilty myself. You're right, you do have your own life, and you should decide who you want to date and for how long.

At the same time, however, it's important to keep an open mind on the subject. It's extraordinarily rare, both in these days and those of yore, for high-school-age romances to last anywhere near a lifetime. That explains why so many of our parents and grandparents can be skeptical of what they see as "puppy love"-- it never worked out for them.

As one who's been in a 2.5 year relationship since the age of 16, I can tell you that your thoughts may change. I find myself pondering whether I've made the right choice, and increasingly interested as to "what else is on the menu", so to speak. This isn't bad; though what I tried to address in my original thread is that young adults tend to pressure one another into staying in their current relationships for as long as possible, regardless of the quality. I feel that pressure, and maybe you will too at some point.

Best advice I can summon? Enjoy everything as it is now. It's awesome to be young and in love. But at the same time, keep an open mind. Realize that things may change, or the relationship may end all together, sometime in the future. Have your own interests,hobbies, goals, dreams, and aspirations seperate from your current partner. [Smile]

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Mr. Matthew
Member # 29890

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Hi. I'm sixty years old, probably between the age of your parents and grandparents. I've always been a one woman man. Even when I had my first girlfriend I couldn't conceive of going out with anyone else. I didn't want to, and my friend would have been hurt if I had. Before I had a steady friend I went out with a few different young women, but once I committed that was it.

It is true that I didn't stay with my early friend for my whole life, but that has nothing to do with that I didn't want to play the field.

Loving parents and grandparents care very much that you are not hurt. When you have one relationship for a long time the chances that you will be hurt increase. People in long term relationships are more likely to be engaging in sex, and if you aren't safe then, as I'm sure you know, there can be serious consequences. Also, if a long term relationship breaks up there is more chance you will be hurt emotionally.

Those are the things that your folks may be worried about. Saying that you should go out with other young men is probably just their way of expressing their fears and concern for you.

Posts: 220 | From: Massachusetts, USA | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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