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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » i don't know what to do.

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Author Topic: i don't know what to do.
this is LOVEE
Member # 26178

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Ok. I have a friend. He's a guy friend. Let's call him Derek. Derek and I are very good friends. I consider him one of my best friends. We talk about everything. We hang out a lot. Blah blah blah, we're just really really good friends. Ok. Lately it seems like I have feelings for him. At first it was just little butterflies and that vague feeling of nervousness whenever I was around him. At that time I was kind of like "I'm not sure if I like him. I could never imagine myself kissing him or going out with him."

Ok, so NOW. That was about two weeks ago. It seems like now I like him even more. I don't question it anymore. I am almost positive that I like him. I can imagine myself going out with him and kissing him and all of that stuff. I flirt a lot around him, but then again I flirt with everyone. But just something about him I just love so much. I wouldn't say that I'm in love with this kid, because love takes a while to form [for lack of better word], you know? But I definitely think I have feelings for him. And the best part about it, is that I don't have to wear makeup or like a cute outfit around him - I can be myself 100%. And I've never felt that before. And we were talking the other day and he said he might have liked this other girl, and i actually felt a little jealous. But not a lot.

So, my dilemma here is, what do I do? At first I thought I should wait it out and see if the feelings go away. And to not tell him. But i don't know anymore. Should I tell him? What if he likes me? If he doesn't like me then it would make me feel like a complete idiot and it might become very awkward around him. If he does end up liking me and we'd go out, I'd afraid if something came between us during a relationship then our friendship would be ruined. And that's the last thing I want, because I believe that in the long run - friendships are better than/last longer than relationships. But who knows. So should I keep this to myself and give it some more time? Or flat out tell him my feelings and risk our friendship if he feels the same way (because sometimes I actually do think he likes me, and I thought this even before I had thoughts about liking him.) Sorry if a lot of this makes no sense, because it was hard for me to put this all in words, but if it does make sense, thanks in advance. =]

Posts: 5 | From: east sidee | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 29292

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Do what feels best for you at that moment.

I personally think you should be honest with him and tell him how you feel once you're determined whether or not you're really in love with this guy.

If you don't feel comfortable asking him straight if he loves you or not you can simply say something like this: Have you ever tought about us being more than friends ? or simply say it's funny my friend said that we would make a really great couple. What do you think ? And see how he reacts. But again, in your place, I wouldn't totally rely on the signs he gives you.

If he doesn't like me then it would make me feel like a complete idiot
You got to take chances and risks in life sometimes if you want to have something. The thing is you seem to like him but if you don't ask him you'll never know if he loves you and you might this way never be able to go out with that guy. So the best way to know is to ask him, take a chance, But be ready to accept the fact that he might not have the same feelings towards you.

Also,what makes you think you will lose his friendship ? You don't know how he'll react. Just wait to see.I think a real friend wouldn't break his friendship with you because you wanted more and he didn't. If you tell him that you're fine whatever his answer is (positive or not), that his answer will not affect the friendship you have developped toward him, there shouldn't be a problem with keeping your friendship with him.

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Posts: 3598 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lippy Imp
Member # 29928

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I really don't think that telling him how you feel is "risking your friendship." I've been on both sides of this one in high school and college, and never have a lost a friend over it. Here's why you should tell him:

1. If he values your friendship as much as you do, then he will still want to be your friend even if he doesn't think of you romantically.

2. If he DOES "like" you romantically, then you two have a great thing started--a solid foundation of respect, caring and fondness.

3. If he freaks out and shuns you, then he wasn't the guy you thought he was, and it's better you know that now as opposed to later when you'd be entrenched in a relationship that would be utterly unfulfilling at best.

So, in a nutshell, tell him. But be clear about it too. I remember when I was 17, a girl I liked as a friend invited me to see "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure" with her. She picked me up, took me to dinner, paid for dinner, paid for the movie and concessions, everything. When the night was over, I thanked her sincerely and gave her a little hug. In retrospect, she was trying to show me how she thought of me, but I was too insecure and naive to get it. It never dawned on me that it was A DATE. Had she just TOLD me she was interested, I would have taken her up on it in a heartbeat.

Just sayin'.

Columnist, "Knickers in a Twist",

Posts: 5 | From: Seattle | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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