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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » 10+ week break

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Author Topic: 10+ week break
His_Lil_Angel
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Member # 24041

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ill get to the point
my boyfriend is being kept in custody in a police station since wednesday night/thrusday morning. he phoned me as soon as he could thursday and explained. i spoke to his mum that night and she explaind everything else. he then phoned me again on the friday. i havent heard from him since. i have to phone his mum again tommorow. i miss him so much. he is going to be kept in till 13th september if his charge is dropped. if it isnt i dont know how long he will get, about 2years probably. im constantly watching my mobile, wanting him to ring. i cant contact him so its all down to him. 10 weeks isnt that long really, but i miss him already. when i spoke to him he askd me to wait for him the 10weeks. i said of course! if longer than that he said to forget him and move on.
the thing im scared of is ill lose all feeling for him after this time or one of us wont want the other. im the kind of girl who loves male attention. at my mates party at the weekend i got drunk and there was a boy there i liked and things got kind of heated. i feel bad about that now, i was just making up for the attention im not getting off him.
anyone know what i should do? any help most appreciated.

Posts: 52 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Why is your boyfriend in custody in the first place?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Hey Lil Angel, I am assuming that's the guy we talked about here and here?

Hun, this guy has quite clearly not cleaned up his act like he said he would. Are you sure you even want to stay with him, despite the fact that he continues to break his promises?

You're still young. You deserve someone you can spend actual time with, not a criminal who spends more time in jail than with you. This guy is obviously bad news. If I were you, I'd seriouisly consider breaking this off right now.

Especially because you say yourself that you like getting attention. At this point in your life you're probably much better off being single or dating, rather than tying yourself down to someone like this.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
His_Lil_Angel
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he had an arguement with his parents as they kiked him out of their house. hes in custody for cutting his curfew tag off after that and he got drunk that night and was arrested. he doesnt remeber doing any of that stuff though. they said he did 2 robberys. im not sure of what though. this time it wasnt the drugs.
hes said hes sorry and by hearing that off him it makes me weak and want him more. i know i should break it off but i just cant seem to. i need to talk to him, but i have to wait for HIS call.

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September
Scarleteen Volunteer
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You know, with all the things this dude appears to have done, "I'm sorry" just isn't going to cut it anymore. Is he really likely to clean up his act this time? Probably not.

This guy is a whole lot older than you, he's living a life that's very different from yours and he's interested in you - I see how that can make him really appealing to you. But you know what? You deserve better than that. You do.

So talk to him. Let him know how you feel and that you don't want to put up with his criminal activities anymore. Everything you've been telling us so far adds up to him just not being the right guy for you, and it'd probably be far, far healthier for you if you got out of this.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Oh, UGH, girl. It's THAT same guy?

Cut your losses now. Seriously. What's to wait for? The NEXT time he's in prison? You ending up getting implicated in the NEXT crime he commits? You hearing him say he's sorry until the end of time?

You don't have to wait for a phone call to decide to move on in the interest of your own self-respect and well-being. You only need to wait for the phone call to TELL him that. There's a difference.

You have only been with this guy for a matter of WEEKS. No one in their right mind would advise a woman who's been with a guy like this for YEARS to put up with this. Seriously, this is silly. And given you have VERY recently come out of a pscae like this -- http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=3;t=007222;p=1#000000 -- it's no wonder your judgment is so skewed. You didn't even give yourself time to deal with all that before you wound up with this waste of your time and energy.

[ 07-03-2006, 03:03 PM: Message edited by: Miz Scarlet ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
His_Lil_Angel
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hey people

well its been 2years since ive been on this site and i was just reveiwing my old posts and i would just like to let you know, that i did wait for this guy in the end. it wasnt fun and he got 3 years, but only did 20months. he got released 14th march 2008. i had a relationship with someone else whilst he was locked up and he knew about this. we split up many times but he came out and ever since we have been back together. everything is really good. and he is staying out of trouble. he has realised his mistakes and learnt from them.

i believe that everyone deserves a second chance and im glad i didnt just drop him as i have found someone i love. never give up on the one you love.

=]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Just for the record, we're just not going to be comfortable here with statements like, "never give up on the one you love."

For example, most people in abusive relationships love their abuser. But them staying around that person puts them in very real danger, so advising them to give that person chance after chance and "not give up" while they are risking their sanity, their health and their very lives just isn't sound. As well, it's valid for someone to choose not to stick with a person who does other people harm (such as raping others or robbing people), even if they are not harming them directly.

Obviously, we all hope that this will be a healthy relationship for you from here on out, now that you have very recently started it again. So obviously, we very much hope you're right about the change in this person. How people are when they are fresh out of prison, however, is often different from how they are after they have been out for a few years.

Given his history and yours, and given how new it is again now, I'd just advise you to exercise some caution for yourself and be sure your eyes are open, as well as just bearing in mind that there are plenty of situations where it's more sound NOT to stick with someone just because you feel love for them.

[ 07-04-2008, 05:12 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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