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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » why is she so misleading??

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Author Topic: why is she so misleading??
jakimboor
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hey...i asked this girl out and she said yes and gave me her number etc... i called her up a few times in the subsequent weeks but she either didnīt pick up the phone or gave me some excuse...i would have stopped calling altogether but the weird thing is that she always kept saying she was sorry she couldnīt make it or that she didnīt answer...she even called me one day sorta like wanting just to chat or something...anyway... i lost interest but very recently i saw her and she said i should give her my phone numbers (cell and house)...i decided to give her one more chance and called her with exactly the same negative results as before... the other day, i saw her and she sorta like wanted to talk and was being really nice and all but i just dindīt pay her any attention...the weird thing is i know for sure she doesnīt have a bf....whatīs with this erratic behaviour? what do you think?

[ 06-26-2006, 02:36 AM: Message edited by: jakimboor ]

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Nailo
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Not having a boyfriend doesn't mean you automatically want one. Heck, not having a boyfriend may mean you preffer a girlfriend instead.

If she really did sound sorry about not answering, maybe she was and was just busy. Maybe she just wants to be friends. Why not ask her? Has she called you?

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"Love does not make itself in the desire for copulation, but in the desire for shared sleep." - The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera

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joyfulgirl
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nailo is right. just ask her why she has been hard to get in touch with. it might be something completely different than you thought and once its out in the open it may bring you guys together.

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"they say you can bear anythng if you can tell a story about it."

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the mermaid chair

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-Jill
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quote:
Originally posted by jakimboor:
the other day, i saw her and she sorta like wanted to talk and was being really nice and all but i just dindīt pay her any attention...

It sounds like she's not the only one with erratic behavior. Your post is very hard to (using full sentences and paragraph breaks will help that) but it doesn't sound like either of you are acting in an honest, straight-forward fashion. I think that's a necessity if you're trying to form a relationship.
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jakimboor
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yeah well.. i didnīt pay her any attention cause iīm not looking to be "just friends" with her plus i donīt think she has treated me in an honest way....i went out of my way to get to know her and i think she didnīt treat me with respect...i donīt want to put up with someone like that...

[ 06-26-2006, 05:51 PM: Message edited by: jakimboor ]

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LilBlueSmurf
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If you don't want to 'put up with' someone like that then why do you care so much about why she's acting this way?

If you want to be treated in an honest way, you should treat others in an honest way as well. Ignoring someone because they haven't met expectations that you've never discussed with them seems a little unfair to me. Maybe if you'd asked her why she's not answering your calls, she'd have given you an answer.

And just because you intend to be more than 'just friends' with her does not mean she intends the same. You need to communicate. She may not want to be more than just friends and keeping you at a distance for a reason. You won't know unless you ask her.

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Nursing is a work of heart!
~ unknown

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jakimboor
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hahaha thanks for your post LilBlue Smurf, though i think you might not know how it is for a guy when he is hitting on someone...."asking" the other person and "communicating" may sound nice but weīre strangers to each other and what should happen is a)either she's not interested hence does not lead me on or b)she's interested hence she plays along. anything in the middle is, to me, unfair with the other person. that's why i consider her disrespectful. i was curious as to her behaviour so that's why i asked. it seems, though, that erratic behaviour like this might be some peopleīs thing....wierd. ease up on the attitude, though, seems i always get trashed when i post.

[ 06-28-2006, 11:23 PM: Message edited by: jakimboor ]

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faifai
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jakimboor, if you have issues with how a Scarleteen Volunteer is posting please take it off the boards and submit an email to boardmama@scarleteen.com. LilBlueSmurf has given you sound, absolutely polite advice. From looking at your post history, it doesn't seem like you get trashed at all when you post--rather, many of your posts describe the same situation happening over and over again, and giving the same advice over and over again is getting a little redundant. As in, here, here, here, here, here, and here.

See?

As for the issue currently at hand...honestly, I've done the whole blowing-someone-off thing once, and it made me feel like dirt. I just didn't have the guts to tell the guy that I already had a boyfriend and somehow thought that I'd be sparing his feelings by...never letting him know and brushing off his every attempt to get to know me? It was convoluted thinking and it ended up hurting the guy's feelings way more than a straightforward answer ever would have. Plus, I was stuck in a 14 person class with him for the rest of the semester, so that didn't make things any easier.

Basically, you need to tell her what you want. If you want to be friends, ok, if you want to cut off contact, ok, if you want to know why your communications with each other have all gone awry, great. But get it out in the open, because otherwise you'll be kicking yourself later on for it. And blowing people off is not a strictly-ladies behavior, I've seen plenty of guys do it too. It's a disrespectful and inconsiderate thing to do, for either party.

As for this,
quote:
Originally posted by jakimboor:
hahaha thanks for your post LilBlue Smurf, though i think you might not know how it is for a guy when he is hitting on someone...."asking" the other person and "communicating" may sound nice but weīre strangers to each other and what should happen is a)either she's not interested hence does not lead me on or b)she's interested hence she plays along.

I'm pretty sure that you being a guy has zilch to do with what is happening to you. Women and men can have equal issues with communicating and asking each other what's up, but that doesn't make it any less important.

And "hitting on someone" doesn't go over so well in the real world, and neither does "playing along" if you're interested in someone. Both are disrespectful, because neither person is just flat out saying what it is they want from this situation. Anyone worth spending all this energy on will be open and honest with you about their intentions. And if you want people to act that way with you, you have to project that in your own attitude.

[ 06-29-2006, 12:26 AM: Message edited by: faifai ]

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disconnect and let me drift/until my upside down is right side *in*

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jakimboor
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ok, thanks. i donīt see how all the threads you put together are the same sort of situation but...ok, whatever. i think that some people reply to me aggresively here...if you people think iīm getting redundant then why do you reply aggresively, instead of pointing out iīm getting repetitive first. i think you sorta get mad that i controvert your advice, which, sometimes i donīt think is good at all... be tolerant.

[ 06-30-2006, 08:31 PM: Message edited by: jakimboor ]

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Heather
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Jaikimboor? It's not appropriate here to tell the volunteer moderators how to behave: they manage the boards, and collectively are part of establishing guidelines here. That's their place, not yours.

And flatly, what they've told you, right here, is that you seem to be locked in a pattern, which is pretty apparent. Mind, for nearly all of us, everyone else is going to be able to see our patterns more clearly than we are. But they are pointing it out, and have tried more than once. When a user keeps coming here with the same questions again and again, seemingly putting themselves in the same situation -- and clearly ignoring advice ASKED for which might help them stop doing that -- it is tiresome.

You don't wanna change your tune, no problem. That's your choice. But you do need to accept that when you come asking for essentially the same advice again and again that eventually, those giving it are going to tire of doing so, since it's clearly falling on deaf ears.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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