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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » The strangest relationship

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Author Topic: The strangest relationship
Member # 29515

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I'm a senior in High School and this guy I have been seeing on/off for a year is a sophomore at university a couple of hours away. I feel like I have absolutely no right to dictate who he sees at his school when he is not with me, just as I date other people at my school. On the other hand, sometimes I get a little sad when I think about him being close with other people. But I entered the relationship knowing that.

It gets more complicated though. Our relationship began last summer, in a one week stand kind of way. I didn't know him very well then, but we had sex (he was a virgin) and I never really expected to hear from him again. Then he started to call me when he cam home from school, and we started hanging out. Very quickly we decided to keep our relationship platonic, and that sex would be weird. Now, a year later, we have managed to fall into a routine of cuddling, kissing, sometimes touching, but nothing beyond that.

Neither of us are extemely communitive people (much more "go with the flow and see what happens"), and I can't figure out where he sees our relationship going. I've tried asking him, but he always turns the question around, and I don't know what I want either. It hard for me to get used to the idea of having casual sex with someone I don't love, but am in a relationship with. And if I know I don't want that- what should I do? Ask him to stop seeing other people If I'm going to make that commitment? Or just tell him that we should go back to being friends?

[ 06-23-2006, 12:34 PM: Message edited by: obscurity ]

Posts: 7 | From: cloud nine | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 29525

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Thats truly a tough one.

I say, you need to ask yourself if you love him or not and then decide whether or not you'd both benefit from some time apart to see other people. Instead of being romantically involved agree to be each other's shoulder to cry on instead. Maybe that would work for the best?

However, if the relationship is comfortable, convienient and bland its not really a bad thing -- I can understand the boredom from that lack of a 'spark' between you two though.

I suggest a heart to heart with him if he's willing to take your concerns seriously. If not then you should likely end it because it truly won't go anywhere if he won't address tiny problems and nip them in the bud.

Posts: 89 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20869

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He sounds a bit dodgy to me - apologies in advance. But you have to ensure that he's spending time with you because he wants to spend time with you. And if it's tough getting used to the idea of casual sex, and if you feel very uncomfortable with it, it might be good to stop before you get in too deep and then end up feeling unfulfilled, used, confused, etc.

still flowin on the river of life...and i have no regrets.

Posts: 53 | From: Melbourne, Australi | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 29515

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Yeah- It's not the casual sex that bothers me, it's just hard to imagine having a *relationship* based on casual sex. We're going out on Tuesday- I'm gonna tell him how I feel, and see what he says.
Posts: 7 | From: cloud nine | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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