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Author Topic: wot should i do
i want her she wants me
Neophyte
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i like this girl and she likes me but shes goin out with my best mate we really want to go public about our relatoinship with each other but i dont want to hurt my best friend and i dont know what i should do

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hed

Posts: 8 | From: capel | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
twentysix
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You might want to ask yourself, "as much as I like this girl, do I really think it's worth ruining a friendship over?"

This is really not something anybody else can answer for you.

[ 06-20-2006, 01:09 PM: Message edited by: twentysix ]

Posts: 86 | From: california | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Also, you're talking about "our relationship". Does that mean you two are already seeing each other behind your friends back? Not only is that a pretty lousy thing to be doing, but it also should raise some doubts about the girls concept of fidelity. All in all, this is a messy situation you've got yourself into and some honesty from the start could have prevented that.

What can you do now? Well, nothing, really, except try to reduce the fall-out. Your friend is going to be upset, no matter what, and rightly so. Get together and put the truth on the table and then give your friend some time and space to figure out how he wants to deal with this. Don't try to make excuses for your behaviour. Accept his reaction.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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i want her she wants me
Neophyte
Member # 29477

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wel i know ive got myself in to this situatoin but just sayin i had slept with her and theres a slight chance she could be pregnant what should i do

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hed

Posts: 8 | From: capel | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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What do you mean by 'slight chance'? Does she take birth control? Did you use a condom? Did it break? And also, how long ago was this? If it was less than 120 hours ago and you think you've got a significant risk, it'd be worth it for her to look into acquiring EC. If it's been longer than that, there is nothing you can do but wait until you can take a pregnancy test - the earliest you can do that is 10-14 days after the risk.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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-Lauren-
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September gave you some excellent pointers above.

The same applies to this situation. You need to tell your friend that you've slept together, as well. That, by the way, is doubly cruddy; if you slept with the girl in such a way to put her at a risk for pregnancy, you also put you, her AND your best friend at risk for STI's.

So as you can see, your friend needs to know everything. I second September's notion that you should rethink this girl's concept of monogamy, if that's what you're looking for.

[ 06-20-2006, 02:03 PM: Message edited by: Miss Lauren ]

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i want her she wants me
Neophyte
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it was last tuesday so a week ago and we were drunk so we did not use protection

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hed

Posts: 8 | From: capel | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Then you've got a high risk, and it's also unfortunately too late for EC. What you should do now, though, is to get checked for STIs, which you also put yourself at a high risk for. And as for the pregnancy - nothing left for you to do but wait for the test results.

[PS: As Lauren pointed out, this has to be put on the table, too. Your friend needs to know what he's dealing with and if he's at risk for an STI he needs to know that asap.]

[ 06-20-2006, 02:08 PM: Message edited by: September ]

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Fall Out Boy
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He is a friend of my sisters - I don't know him very well - but hey he is alright.
I have suggested to him that he confront his friend about this, but his friend is apprently the angry/rash type, so he is quite unclear about what to do exactly. If anyone has any advice for him, it would be useful. I think he should come clean to his friend... but its his choice.
September and Miss Lauren are generally correct though, but Its your choice (i want her she wants me) these guys can only give you advice

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I don't wanna be the one, the battles always choose, cuz inside I know, that I'm the one confused.

Posts: 45 | From: England | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
i want her she wants me
Neophyte
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fanx were can we go to get checked for sti

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hed

Posts: 8 | From: capel | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Hey, Fall Out Boy, I agree with you that, in the end, it's the original poster's choice about if, when and how he tells his friend. But if there is a risk of disease, then the friend absolutely needs to know.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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September
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You can get tested at your doctor's office or, if you'd rather it be anonymous, you can go find the nearest free clinic.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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i want her she wants me
Neophyte
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fanx if i tell people about this though wont they just fink of her as a slut gettin pregnant at that age and im gona get the **** kicked out of me by the girls father

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hed

Posts: 8 | From: capel | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Ya know, if what you've done will have repercussions like this, then it's really something you two should have thought about before. It's kinda too late now.

Keep in mind though: You do not know for sure that your girlfriend is pregnant yet. And even if she is, you two have options. Furthermore, there is no need for you to announce this to the whole world. This is a private matter between you two (and depending on how old you two are, both of your parents). So. No one is going to go around calling your girlfriend a slut. Neither is the father going to beat you, as that would get him into lots of legal trouble.

So for now, stay calm. Get testet for STIs and, eventually, for pregnancy, and then go from there.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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i want her she wants me
Neophyte
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ok should we go as soon as possible for the tests

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hed

Posts: 8 | From: capel | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
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"Telling your friend" is not the same as "telling people" in general. You don't have to go round telling the whole wide world, or her family.

And let's limit the panic - at the moment you don't know whether she is pregnant or not, just that she's had a risk.

The fact that some people may make unfair judgements about her (or you) if they knew the situation isn't a reason to withhold information from your friend.

However, if you're seriously concerned that he might try to harm you, that's a different matter. In that case, you should consider options like telling him on the phone, or via a letter, so he has a chance to "cool down" before seeing you again.

{Oops, mindmeld with September!}

[ 06-20-2006, 02:34 PM: Message edited by: logic_grrl ]

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"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it." - the Talmud

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i want her she wants me
Neophyte
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so now i should just sit back and hope for the best

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hed

Posts: 8 | From: capel | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Get the STI testing done as soon as possible. And also remember to schedule another test about 6 months from now, as some STIs can take a while to become apparent on tests.

Then, about 14 days after the risk, you can take a pregnancy test.

And really, that's about all you can do for now. So yes, try to stay calm.

[ 06-20-2006, 02:43 PM: Message edited by: September ]

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9167 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
i want her she wants me
Neophyte
Member # 29477

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fanx

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hed

Posts: 8 | From: capel | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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