Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Don't know what happens?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Don't know what happens?
FadingStar
Neophyte
Member # 28427

Icon 5 posted      Profile for FadingStar     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
In Jr.High I never talked to guys and during the summer I decided that since I was going to start high school, it'd be nice to have some. Most of these people didn't know me, So I could start fresh.

My first oppurtunity came when my friend introduced me to a guy in one of her classes, she said that we had a spare together and should hang out sometime. I decided that this was a great oppurtunity to meet my first guy friend, so I started with the basics, smiling and waving at him when we passed in the halls, and it worked!During one of our free slots he came up to me and asked if I wanted to hang out, of course I said yes! [Big Grin] So for the next couple of spares we hung out and just talked and got to know one another. Then I started popping into a couple of my friends classes and he started hanging out with some other guys. We lost connection and never really talked since then. I feel horrible about this because I'd really liked to have gotten to be friends with him, but I feel now that it's to late to start talking to him again. He hangs out with a totally different group of people than do I. I guess I feel as though it's my fault things didnt work out because he tried to talk to me, but I just don't respond or something. . .and I don't know why. I end up regreting a lot of things. [Mad] [Frown]

My second opportunity came the next semester when my other friend introduced me to another guy. We talked a little during our spare and turns out that we had a couple classes together, so we've become friends. [Smile]
It confuses me why Im friends with this guy, and not with the other. I talked more the to first guy and knew him better and yet I know nothing about this guy and were friends.
There social status is different though. I guess the first guy is a level 'above' this guy, so do I feel Im not good enough to be friends with some guys? [Confused]

My third opportunity turned out like the first. We talked quite a few times and hung out for a few lunches, but then I pulled away. He as well is a few levels above the 2nd guy in social status.

The fourth guy was like the second. We became friends and talk quite a bit now, and he like the 2nd are a few levels below the other guys in social status.

I got a ride home from a friends brother after we had all done some shopping and I couldnt find anything to talk to him about on the long ride home. He kept asking questions but all I found myself doing was replying with 1 word and staring out the window. Eventually he stopped asking question which made the rest of the ride very awkward, all because of me.

I have no problem making girl friends, but when it comes to guys I usually find myself pulling away.
My question is, why do I do this and how can I over come it? Why do I let myself get close to guys and then just pull away all of a sudden? Am I really shallow? Unconfident? Shy? [Confused]

Sorry for the extremly long post, and thanks for any solutions or advice [Smile]

--------------------
And you shed not a single tear for the things that you didnít need because you knew you were finally free.

Posts: 28 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
Activist
Member # 13388

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ecofem     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It's nice to have girl and guy friends. That's cool if you really click with your female friends. As for making male friends, just as not every girl you meet is someone who becomes a close friend. So you'll find you click with some guys whereas you don't with others.

It's a personality, timing, maturity, etc. thing and if some guy doesn't seem interested in friendship, don't worry about it. The more guys you meet, the better chances for finding friends. And you can always try to renew contact with people you got out of touch with: "Hey, Bob, we haven't seen each other for awhile, which is too bad. What are you doing this weekend? Some friends and I are..." Because you don't have to hang out with your guy and girl friends separately.

The whole "social level thing"? I would really try to move away from that mindset. Easier said than done but really. Just try to be kind to everyone, open for conversation, and see what happens. How would you feel is some guy were to say: "I can't hang out with you because you're too uncool?" The "popular" crowd may be selective, but geniunely friendly people are a lot more likeable.

How about looking for guy friends with simillar interests, like at a club? Or just chatting with the dudes sitting next to you in class?

Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
FadingStar
Neophyte
Member # 28427

Icon 1 posted      Profile for FadingStar     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
How would you feel is some guy were to say: "I can't hang out with you because you're too uncool?"

Im not saying that I'm to cool to hang out with them, I'm saying I'm to 'uncool' or they're to cool to hang out with me. . .I guess I really doubt myself around guys. . .I don't really know what to talk to them about seeing as how most are into bands, sports and I'm not really into playing instruments or sports. So that closes a lot of doors of what to talk to them about.

--------------------
And you shed not a single tear for the things that you didnít need because you knew you were finally free.

Posts: 28 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
Activist
Member # 13388

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ecofem     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I don't know you, but you should not worry that they are "too cool" for you! You are great as you are. Really. So this would be more about getting over that bump.

First, you can make a list of possible talking topics. People generally love listeners, so don't worry about not being so chatty. Think of questions for a cheat sheet, such as: "What did you think of that assignment last night?" "What did you do last weekend?" "I like your pin [assuming you do like it!], where did you get it?" People might argue otherwise, but conversations with guys are pretty much the same as conversations with girls. What do you talk to your girl friends about?

Second, why don't you feel cool enough? The whole concept of "cool" is kind of silly, but you know what i mean. What makes them cool? I ask because we could talk about things that would make you feel better.

Third, you're not into playing instruments or sports. There's a lot of other stuff to do. [Smile] What do you like doing? What are you interested in? What clubs does your school offer? Do you live in a rural, suburban or urban place?

As I said earlier, you are fine as you are. But there's nothing wrong with fine tuning our lives to make it more enjoyable.

Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3