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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » im not very confident

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Author Topic: im not very confident
dark_dust
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im really nervious around girls i dont feel confident around them and i dont really know what to say to get conversations going i dont know what to do with myself i havnt had a girlfriend before because ive always attracted a girl that i dont feel intimate with any ideas on how to fix my probs?
Posts: 8 | From: aus | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sree sankar
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quote:
Originally posted by dark_dust:
im really nervious around girls i dont feel confident around them and i dont really know what to say to get conversations going i dont know what to do with myself i havnt had a girlfriend before because ive always attracted a girl that i dont feel intimate with any ideas on how to fix my probs?



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SREES

Posts: 2 | From: ANDHRA | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dark_dust
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well can someone else help me
Posts: 8 | From: aus | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Please be patient. You've placed your quesiton in an area of the boards that only staff/volunteers can answer in, and there's only a limited number of us.

I will move your question to Relationships, where you can get answers from other users too.

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Nursing is a work of heart!
~ unknown

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Ecofem
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You could start by seeing them as potential friends rather than potential girlfriends, which may make them more human and less scary. [Smile] Ask them about themselves: their hobbies and interests, their favorite subjects, etc. Then talk about shared interests. You could make a list of questions to ask in the future.

The more people you talk to, be it just in a friendly way, the easier it gets. And remember that you don't always click with everyone, so don't sweat it if the conversation seems to flounder. Joining clubs or groups with people with shared interests usually gives you a pool of people with stuff in common.

How old are you? Are you in school, college, working? What about platonic friends who coudl introduce you to potential mutual friends or give you in-person feedback?

I see now that you think you're not very confident. That is something that should work worked on regardless of crushes. Setting goals, volunteering, working out, finding things you really like can all help you feel better about yourself.

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dark_dust
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im still at school im 17, i got some friends who could introduce me to others, but most of them are going away on their careers and dont see them or talk to them much, or i havnt talked to them in a couple of years. i dont really have many friends that could introduce me to people sadly most of my friends dont like meeting new people =/
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dark_dust
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anyideas?
Posts: 8 | From: aus | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aela 57
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Try not to notice them as girls, just think of them as other people. If you're very aware when with a girl that they're someone you could have a relationship with you're bound to be more awkward around them.

Women are essentially no different to talk to that men. They say that if you look for romance, love, etc you won't find it, and I think that's true. So whilst you're thinking of girls as people you could date and thinking about that, it could be stopping you having any relationship whether friendship or more with women.

So try not to think about the fact girls are female and so dateable too much and just get to know them as friends and as people in general.

Then if later on you end up finding a female friend irresistible, then fantastic. [Smile]

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Aela. 19, 5'9. Often confused.

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dark_dust
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thanks, i also find it hard to not look at girls when im passing by them but i feel stupid and i quickly look away from the ones i like any ideas on how i can keep from looking stupid.i think the girls already picked it up off me some hints i find them atractive. any ideas how i can make myself calm at school when passing girls where should i look/act when walking by to my next class?
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dark_dust
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can anyone help me?
Posts: 8 | From: aus | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
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Please be patient. Posting and posting to this thread with the same questions are not going to make the answers come any faster.

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Nursing is a work of heart!
~ unknown

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Ecofem
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quote:
Originally posted by dark_dust:
thanks, i also find it hard to not look at girls when im passing by them but i feel stupid and i quickly look away from the ones i like any ideas on how i can keep from looking stupid.i think the girls already picked it up off me some hints i find them atractive. any ideas how i can make myself calm at school when passing girls where should i look/act when walking by to my next class?

Well, you could start by saying hi to them instead of looking away. Honestly, if they know you're interested yet are sorta blowing them off, they're probably either annoyed or confused or both. ("He gazes at me in class but wouldn't have a conversation with me, huh!?!") This may be hard at first, but getting over the awkwardness is crucial. Although saying hi and being to everyone in the hallway is best of all. [Smile]
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crazycoolk
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first thing you could do is say hi how u doing and make sure u don't use any of those stupid pick up lines
Posts: 32 | From: caribbean | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Mr. Matthew
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Hi dark_dust,

Here's a link to a post I wrote the other day to another shy young man. There is some information there about how to get a conversation going with someone you like.

http://www.scarleteen.com/cgi-bin/forum/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=3;t=007529;p=1

The main idea is to ask the person about herself or himself. That makes it easy on you because they get to start the talking, and it makes it easy on them because you have introduced a topic they can talk easily about -- themself.

It's good if you can ask about an interest you know they have. If you don't know what their interests are then look for a clue or be a detective, without invading their privacy, and find out before you approach them. Or ask what they do in school. Then you can branch out to what they do outside of school.

Don't stare at a person's body. Look in their eyes as you would a friend. And smile and listen patiently. Be really interested in what they are saying. I mean don't pretend to be interested -- get into it and really be interested.

As soon as you get any idea of a question to ask, about anything they have said, ask it. Don't think it's stupid. If it's about what they've said it won't be. Then think of a comment to make on what they are saying. Then volunteer stuff about yourself.

People are usually willing, and it's easy for them, to talk about themselves.

You can practice this technique with someone who is not scary. If you are in a safe environment, like, just to pick a random example, a church supper, and you meet an adult you don't know, ask them what they do for a living. Start a conversation with them and you'll see how it can work.

I know this isn't easy. Go into it with a good attitude. You are doing nothing wrong. If it doesn't work out you have nothing to be ashamed of. It will get easier with practice.

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Cactus9
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Like everyone else has said, do NOT put the fairer sex on a pedestal. When you do this, you are handicapping yourself because you are afraid of messing up.

This leads to the question of "Why should you be afraid?" There's no reason. Girls are people too. Besides, I know I'd rather get to know a girl and find common ground rather than be a stiff scared bore who doesn't want to offend.

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