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Author Topic: was i wrong?
joyfulgirl
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so, here's the situation:

i was dating this transguy for about a month. we had been friends when we were 14, then recently reconnected and started dating. thats why things went kinda quickly, we already knew each other. so, we decided to be in an open relationship. but i broke up with him a week or two ago and i'm not sure if i was right in breaking it off, but the situation was pretty weird.

he had a sugardaddy! he met his sd online, this guy is 67 and lives really far from us in a different state, but flew to see my boifriend for a week. that was the second week we were together, and i feel like if the sd was never there my boifriend and i could have had a really good thing going. but then there was this gross creepy old guy who was always with my bf! and it made me a little jealous, suddenly my bf was getting nice clothes and expensive dinners, when i have to work 3 jobs and live at home with my mom. this guy was basically a pediphile. and i had to spend time with him because i wanted to see my bf. so, then the sd went back to his state and things weren't great with my bf. i broke up with him a few weeks later after we had an argument about if him having a sugardaddy was right or wrong.

now, i consider myself to be a very open and accepting person. i don't pass judgement on other's lifestyles if they're consenting and healthy for everyone involved. and we're both 18, my boifriend and his sugar daddy are both consenting adults. i was basically the only one with a problem about the whole thing.

i'm not sure if my objection was about the situation being "wrong" or if it was about me being the jealous girlfriend. i'm also kind of a prude. its something that i've really been struggling with because i feel like i'm ready for more than kissing, but when ever the moment actually comes with whoever i'm with i freeze up. but, thats another issue. i think part of this might be that i could never have sex with someone for money, and money is kind of an issue for me, so it bothers me (jealousy) that my bf can do it so easily.

so, i'm just really confused. was i just letting my issues get in the way of the relationship, or was the suggar daddy thing really not a good situation to be involved in?

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"they say you can bear anythng if you can tell a story about it."

-sue monk kidd
the mermaid chair

Posts: 50 | From: western massachusetts | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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I don't think this is really a question of right or wrong. It's really just a matter of how you feel about the situation. Did your ex tell you about this other guy when you two agreed to this open relationship? In other words, were you aware that he already had something else going on? Also, whose idea was this? Would you rather have had an exclusive relationship or was this totally okay with you to begin with?

If this situation was sprung on you a week later, I can understand how you'd be upset, especially with the huge age-difference and the money involved.

So I think what you're worried about is whether your reaction means that you're uptight or a prude? My opinion is, no, that does not make you a prude. You're perfectly entitled to your feelings on the matter and if knowing about that other guy made you uncomfortable then it was also totally your right to end that relationship on those grounds. So what if you were the only one who had a problem with it? You did, and you handled the situation, and that's okay. Don't beat yourself up over it.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9166 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
wantbutwont
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I just wanted to ask the guys that go on this website if you would break up with your girlfriend if she told your best friend that they were cute?
Posts: 5 | From: Oregon | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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(Wantbutwont - please do not hijack threads with unrelated queries. If you have a question of your own, make your own post about it. )

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9166 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
joyfulgirl
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yeah, it was his idea to have an open relationship because he "wanted to be able to say he had a girlfriend." lame! i guess i only gave him a chance because i knew him before.

i think i feel uncomfortable with my decision because i used to think this guy was really cool, so to activly choose not to see him anymore feels kinda weird. but, thanks for your post, sometimes i forget to trust myself.

--------------------
"they say you can bear anythng if you can tell a story about it."

-sue monk kidd
the mermaid chair

Posts: 50 | From: western massachusetts | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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