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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Age differences

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Author Topic: Age differences
BelleMorte
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There's this guy (it always starts this way, doesn't it?) at my church. He's the youth intern, and he's really funny, and nice, and smart. I like him a lot, and I'm almost positive he likes me too. We are both really deep into our faith, and have a lot in common, but I'm a little worried about the age difference. He's 23, and I'm 16. We wouldn't have sex, or anything like that, because it's against our religion, so we wouldn't have to worry about the consent laws.

Also, I think that age difference is as much physical, as it is emotionally. Both of us are really mature, me especially... On the other hand, my brother is dating a girl who is almost three years younger than him, he's 17, going on 18, and she's 15. She is very immature, and acts very childish for her age. I think that that is too much age difference, but I don't think that the age difference between me and this guy is as big. Does that make sense? I feel kind of like I'm a hypocrite for thinking this, but I do...

Do you think that 7 years is too big an age difference?

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"Ne donne un baiser, ma mie, que la bague au doigt" -Méphistophélès from Faust (Don't give a kiss, my sweetheart, until the ring is on your finger)

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twentysix
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at your age, 7 years can be a huuuuge difference. this guy has a bit more experience than you do, and who knows what you'll be like when you're his age?! you may be mature, but there is still soooo much that you haven't gone through. perhaps if you were also in your 20s, it wouldn't be as big of a deal.
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ttoks1
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i dont think 7 year's is to much realy well considering my paraent have a 10 year age differance they'v been together since my mum was 19, so they'v been together for 17 year's and married for 14

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war's come and go but my soldier's, they stay enternal-tupac shakur

time is a wast of life
life is a wast of time
so wast your time and have the time of your life

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BelleMorte
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conflicting opinions... fun!

Thank you so much for your replies! I really appreciate them!

I have no clue what to do... I really want to be in a relationship with him, but I don't know what would happen, or what people would think (because you know, ironcally, those church people can be pretty judegmental...).

Why do boys have to be so confusing?

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"Ne donne un baiser, ma mie, que la bague au doigt" -Méphistophélès from Faust (Don't give a kiss, my sweetheart, until the ring is on your finger)

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-Jill
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You know, since you're worried about what people in your community are going to think they are the best people to ask. [Smile]

Have you mentioned your crush to your friends and gotten their opinions? What about your parents? Even if they like this man they might not be crazy about the two of you dating.

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BelleMorte
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I've only breifly mentioned it to one of my best friends, he was pretty cool with it. I haven't really told anyone else yet, the only reason I told him was because we tell each other EVERYTHING, though I know I should probably tell other people...

I think it would be terribly awkward broaching (sp? is it brooching?) the topic to other people... It seems like it would be hard to find a way to bring it up...

[ 06-13-2006, 12:27 AM: Message edited by: BelleMorte ]

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"Ne donne un baiser, ma mie, que la bague au doigt" -Méphistophélès from Faust (Don't give a kiss, my sweetheart, until the ring is on your finger)

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BelleMorte
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Sorry to be a bother, but I really don't kow how I would talk to people about this... I don't really know how I can fit it into conversation

"Hey, how are you? How was your day? By the way, what would you think about me dating someone 7 years older than me?"

I wouldn't say it that tactlessly (I don't think....), but I really don't know how to bring it up...

Any advice is warmly welcomed! Thanks!

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"Ne donne un baiser, ma mie, que la bague au doigt" -Méphistophélès from Faust (Don't give a kiss, my sweetheart, until the ring is on your finger)

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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How about, "What do you think about teenagers dating adults?"

Or, "How do you feel about age-disparate relationships?"

Or, "Have you ever dated someone a lot older than you? What was that like?"

And how about, before even worrying about a capital-R relationship, you just hang out some more with him, have friends and family spend some time around him, and feel all that out before you even go there?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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mellygirl
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Hi, I've had this problem, with the intern at church, actually. Wow, crazy. Anyways, talk to HIM about it. If you think he's interested, chat-chit with him about it and see what he thinks. If you're not sure he likes you yet, then wait and see if he approaches you. If he does, then talk to him about it. Really, he's gonna be the best one to ask. Turns out that it didn't work for me (he moved... sad). But, maybe it will for you... good luck! [Smile] Really tho? He'll be the BEST person to talk to about this.

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*Melanny*

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Heather
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Just one addition to that: I don't know that I'd say the guy is the BEST person to talk to.

An important person to talk to about this, absolutely. But it's equally important to talk to people you trust, and who love and care for you, who don't have a romantic or sexual interest in you, because what they think can be more objective, and in the sphere of your life, is going to be just as important.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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jakimboor
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what do you people think about age differences but the other way round: the girl being older (say a couple of years while both on their early twenties). do you think a relationship like this could be viable?
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domncroxd
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one of my godsisters is currently dating a guy 9 years older than she is (she's 19 and he's 28). before she went out with him, she spoke to us, her closest friends, and eventually her parents. and things are still good between them.

as for jakimboor's question (which is an interesting question :])i think that a relationship where the girl is much older could be viable, in much the same way as how if the guy's the older one. there are so many factors as to what makes a relationship work (age, maturity levels). however, i've seen a lot more girls from within my friendship group who would rather go out with a guy older than them as they need more emotional security.

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still flowin on the river of life...and i have no regrets.

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BelleMorte
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Thanks everyone for all the advice!

Jakimboor, I think that a relationship with an older girl would probably work just fine. You just need to make sure you're both within the same level of maturity... since girls usually mature faster [Wink]

I think that's probably one of the reasons so many girls like older men: they're usually more mature...

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"Ne donne un baiser, ma mie, que la bague au doigt" -Méphistophélès from Faust (Don't give a kiss, my sweetheart, until the ring is on your finger)

Posts: 44 | From: Oregon | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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