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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » moving too fast

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Author Topic: moving too fast
Member # 29328

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I'm starting to think that my boyfriend and I are moving a little too fast and i know i need to tell him, i just can't figure out how. We recently had our 3 month anniversary and that nite was the first time he fingered me and had we had more time i think i probably would have given him a hj too. I have no regrets from that night. He DIDNT force me into anything and we both felt completely comfortable with it and it was done tastefully and not in a sleezy way and all that. It was probably one of the best nites of my life. But the thing is at our age and in the years up and coming i refuse to go anywhere past the base we are at right now. My worry is that one thing leads to another, so if we were ready and already did fingering and hj's at 3 months then its like at 6 months were doing oral and at a year were having sex. I'm not willing to do that and i just dont want us to like get past the peak of our relationship already because then what is there to look forward to(for both him and I). I know that relationships arent all abt the sexual things you do and stuff, but i still dont want either one of us to get bored. What should i do?
Posts: 3 | From: country | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 29292

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Be honest with him and just tell him how you feel ? If he diesn't understand I guess he is not worth it.

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Posts: 3598 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 29301

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Personally, i dont think this is too fast. My girlfriend and I were naked with each other after only 2 months but we've agreed beforehand that were not going to hav sex until were both 18 (yeah, i no, but just in case it duznt last...) and We've been able to stick to that so far
Posts: 7 | From: Toronto | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 29271

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What experiences you have had up to this point in your relationship are what is comfortable for the two of you; other than that guideline, there aren't any rules as to what should be done when, etc.

If you don't feel like telling him outright that this is as far as you would like to go for awhile, there are other ways of showing, without telling. You could make sure that your dates are very productive and busy, and in public. When you feel ready for a more intimate experience again, then you can arrange for a more casual date, and he will get the hint. The experience will be fresh again, as if it were your first time. Let him know that no means no if you have an issue with him trying to make a move. Let him know that you can work together, but you can also decide when you are comfortable doing things.

If he loves you, then he will tend to his sexual frustrations in his personal time. If you don't feel like doing something for him, then he can do it for himself, and believe me, I am almost positive that he will learn this without you ever having to say it to him.

So busy dates, "no means no," and reminding yourself that he can address his sexual needs if need be.

Posts: 9 | From: New York | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Fall Out Boy
Member # 28454

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I don't think its to fast
My friend was moving ahead with his GF - he did several things I won't mention (if he somehow sees this, I'll get murdered) but that was only after 2 months, I don't think its to fast, personally, I think you moving at a good speed

I don't wanna be the one, the battles always choose, cuz inside I know, that I'm the one confused.

Posts: 45 | From: England | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 29108

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I don't think other people should tell you if you're moving fast or not. If you don't feel prepared for any other kind of sexual encounters, then don't have them. You're not forced to do anything and i think you're boyfriend will understand. If not, i guess he's not worthy of you.

[ 06-20-2006, 10:25 PM: Message edited by: PigmyPuff ]

Posts: 24 | From: Argentina | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 21345

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If you think you are moving too fast then most likely you are. It is ultimately up to you. I think you should be comfortable in everything you do, and if you arent comfortable with this last experience then maybe you should slow down.
Posts: 51 | From: florida | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
oOo Lea oOo
Member # 26647

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I agree with those who say it is a pace you have to set up.

Only you can determine what is too fast, or too slow. If you are ready for something new, fine. If you are happy with the way things are, that's fine, too.

Communication is pretty key in any type of relationsip, especially an intimate one, so if you feel you are moving too fast, and you are uncomfortable, talk to your partner and suggest things slow down or stay the same.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to, and you shouldn't do something that will make you uncomfortable.

Not everyone enjoys manual, oral, or even intercourse. So if you find that you don't enjoy something, or that you never want to experience something because you don't feel comfortable doing so, don't get discouraged. You don't have to.

Another thing, you shouldn't get bored with each other because of the lack of sexual actions. Sex doesn't have to be and shouldn't be the top priority of a relationsihp, so hopefully you don't worry about that. [Wink]

And I say thank you for the scars
And the guilt and the pain
Every tear I've never cried
Has sealed your fate.
Did you take me for a fool
or were you just too blind to see
that every effort made has failed
and there is no destroying me?

Posts: 366 | From: West Virginia | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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