Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » problem with girlfriend

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: problem with girlfriend
bobman666
Activist
Member # 25038

Icon 1 posted      Profile for bobman666     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My girlfriend and I have been together almost a year and a half. The past few days ive been sick so shes been hanging out with her friend who drinks. My gf has always been a smart girl who makes good decisions but last night she said she drank a lil bit with her friend at her house. It pissed me off because not only did she do it when I couldn't be there , but she did it! I told her how i felt and her excuse was that i hold her back from doing things that she wants and im too controlling. i asked her when else i am like this and she said only in this situation. I think shes being influenced by her stupid friends. What can i do? I cant sit and watch her end up like them.
Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
It pissed me off because not only did she do it when I couldn't be there , but she did it!
Is there a REASON you'd expect any partner, friend or other person in your life to only have a drink when you are present?

Because, actually, unless, say, she's ASKED for you to be present when she has a drink with a friend, perhaps because she wants help from someone in only having a certain amount to drink by her own limits, then it sounds very much like this is about you seeking control.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bobman666
Activist
Member # 25038

Icon 1 posted      Profile for bobman666     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
did i mention im 16 and shes 15 thats why i dont want her drinking
Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okay, but if BOTH of you are underage, why would it be better if you were there?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bobman666
Activist
Member # 25038

Icon 1 posted      Profile for bobman666     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
because if i was there i wouldnt let her do it. Shes better than that and it upsets me that shes doing this.
Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
domncroxd
Activist
Member # 20869

Icon 1 posted      Profile for domncroxd     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
One of the better ways of solving tensions and frustrations in a relationship is to talk it out. Did you let it loose at her, or were you calm when you spoke to her? If she says you're too controlling, ask her what she means and let her know you're only looking out for her own good. However, bear in mind that exercising too much control may end up pushing your partner away.
Posts: 53 | From: Melbourne, Australi | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cappa
Neophyte
Member # 29271

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Cappa     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
High school is a hard time to find people that stick to their words. However, everyone slips up every now and then.

Instead of showing her how this experience has had a negative response, it may be a good idea to turn more toward optimism and personal goals. Let her know that you would like to stay away from alcohol, and it makes you feel much better and stronger when she stays away from it alongside you. Explain how she has given you courage about the issue in the past.

Try not to tell her what to do. Let her make her own decisions. But if you are patient and honest with why it would be better for the both of you to not drink, I think she'd get the point much faster than if you were to add negative emotion to the situation.

Posts: 9 | From: New York | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 8067

Icon 1 posted      Profile for logic_grrl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
because if i was there i wouldnt let her do it.

You know, if you're talking about what you will and won't "let" your partner do, then you are being controlling.

As people have suggested, if this is something that concerns you, then your best option is to explain to her honestly why you're worried about her drinking, and see if the two of you can come to an agreement.

But you can't make her choices for her.

--------------------
"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it." - the Talmud

Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
*CuTiE*
Neophyte
Member # 29327

Icon 1 posted      Profile for *CuTiE*     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i know i shouldn't reallybe helping you but have you tried 2 support her and tell her that you'll be there for her and help her every step of the way? i know it isfustrating trying to get a partner to stop a bad habit i'm trying to get my boyfriend to stop smoking. try settinga date that you want her 2 start cutting down by .. and try and set a finish date too, so you know when she'll ahve cut down to limits that you have discussed. when you have done this ... trust her to follow it and keep checking by asking for monthly reports. it's what i am doing .. ask her if her dwellving in alcohol is making ou upset there might be a reson behind why she does it. try sitting her down and talking to her about any worries or problems she has it might ease her mind and at the same time she'll know that she can talk to you and count on you to be ther efor her , like i said before .. i'm really no-one to talk to you about this ... but these methods have worked for me and i hope that they can help you! write back and let me know if they did!

*CuTiE*

Posts: 5 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
*CuTiE*
Neophyte
Member # 29327

Icon 1 posted      Profile for *CuTiE*     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
p.s .... i think you're g/f is jst asking fora little trust if she is smart as you say she'll know what she is doing .. and if she only drank a little and didnt go home pissed you know that she didn't intend to hurt you , she was jst curious.
Posts: 5 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3