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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Falling for someone else

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Author Topic: Falling for someone else
Member # 6514

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I decided to get a divorce from my husband, which won't be final until early next year or so. I've really started to fall for another guy... here's the story.

When I went to jail back in December (for something I did NOT do) I met a deputy there, he was very sweet to me, and he worked in the booking area. He was always making sure that I was ok when I was in 12 hour hold. Well after I got out, I hadn't talked to him at all, until a couple weeks ago.

While I was working at IHOP (I'm a server), the same guy came in with a couple friends. I went to their table and took their drink order. He asked me if my name was Ashley, I said yes. He asked if I remembered him, I looked at him a few seconds. I knew I remembered him from somewhere, just couldn't pinpoint where. Later on when I brought their nfood out I said "Hey! I remember you now! You were the deputy that was real nice to me back in December!" After I got off my shift, they were still there. We talked for awhile, and he asked for my number. I gave it to him. He called the next day and wanted to hang out. I thought he's a nice guy, I might as well give him a chance.

We hung out that night, and all I could think was "Oh my god, this guy is amazing." He is such a sweetheart, always paying for anything even though I insist he doesn't have to, and he actually listens to me. I told him the whole story of me and Max, and how it happened. He gave me his feedback, and I just thought, this is the sweetest guy I've ever met. After a week of talking/hanging out I started falling for him. He's 25, and he quit his job at the Sheriff's Dept for a new one, has an incredibly good heart, great personality. Pretty much everything that I'm looking for. I have really started to fall for him. Every relationship that I've had hasn't been what I've wanted. I just want someone with a good heart and someone who couldn't hurt a fly, that type.

Is it wrong to fall for someone when I'm still married for the time being? I want to pursue a relationship with him, but it's very hard to. Every time we get close I back out and start crying. I always keep thinking "Will I be cheating if I kiss him even though me and Max are divorcing?" All these thoughts are running in my head, and I'm confused.

Can anyone help me?

Posts: 294 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 139

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The fact that you're still technically married aside, I'm still concerned for you. You're just getting out of a bad relationship. It's okay to not be in one for a while, and if this guy is as great as you say, he should understand that.

That said, there's no harm in having a friend, and getting to know him. But I think you should lay off of the romantic relationship deal for a while. You need to let your heart heal.

Caylin, Scarleteen Volunteer
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Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Make sure, too, Ashley, that you've gone ahead and gotten some counselign and support before you think about stepping into another relationship.

Abusive relationships tend to REALLY screw up our radar, as well as our boundaries. This guy sure sounds lovely, but then, you have still JUST met him, and are still in the process of disconnecting from a previous relationship that it took you a very long time to be able to get out of.

(And you do NOT, also, want to do ANYTHING that will make getting a fair divorce more difficult right now.)

Some counseling per surviving abuse can help get that "radar" back on track, help you feel back at home in yourself, rectify residual issues you'll have from years of abuse.

Like DarkChild said, a "good guy," will wait, and will be happy to just be your friend in the interim until things ARE as they need to be with you, and until you've had the time to resolve what you need to first, legally and emotionally.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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