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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Dating/Parents

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Author Topic: Dating/Parents
jhawked451
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[Confused] So there is this girl in my english and history class who I like. We seem to be pretty good friends and all that stuff. All of her friends know that I am planning on asking her out. The only problem that I can see in this is her parents.
According to her best freind, and a good friend of mine, her parents are strict Christians. I dont know how this will play into this situation. They have frowned upon the idea of her having a boyfriend before. If she says yes, I would be her first boyfriend. I was thinking about calling her parents and talking to them but I thought that would be akward as I only met Sara this year and I haven't met her parents. Any advice? - Will

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Apollo: No I wll never fail you through to the end your guardian standing by your side or worlds away. - From The Eumenides

Posts: 10 | From: Pleasanton CA | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bobolink
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You have nothing to lose by meeting her parents. If they grow to like and trust you, that can only be to your advantage. You should suggest to your girlfriend that you would like to meet her parents. But is is her call on this.

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I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

- Galileo

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jhawked451
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Thanks, that was a last resort plan, but it seems to have boiled down to that. The only thing is if her parents dont like me, that would make it akward.

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Apollo: No I wll never fail you through to the end your guardian standing by your side or worlds away. - From The Eumenides

Posts: 10 | From: Pleasanton CA | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Calita
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If you are polite and kind, and you treat their daughter like gold, then there really isn't much to be afraid of. Don't give them anything to dislike about you [Smile]

Also, before you ask her out, maybe ask her if you could hang out at her house a couple of times to test the water.. Maybe rent a movie or something, and bring it over. Just friend-type stuff. That way you get an idea about her family, and they can meet you too..

(if she has a sister, I'd be worried about her liking you as well as the parentals. sisters are the devil when you don't treat them good too [Wink] )

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Wherever your heart is, your treasure can be found.

Posts: 9 | From: BC, Canada | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
jhawked451
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She does have a sister, so I will keep that in mind.

Her parents are sort of strict, and so the fact that i would be going over there might create some tension. I have no problem with meeting her parents, but in the past my girlfriends parents and I haven't had the best first meetings. That just makes me a little bit more cautious about meeting them.

About the house thing, would that same prinicple apply to a neutral house, such as a mutual friend of ours?

[ 06-06-2006, 02:16 PM: Message edited by: jhawked451 ]

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Apollo: No I wll never fail you through to the end your guardian standing by your side or worlds away. - From The Eumenides

Posts: 10 | From: Pleasanton CA | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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A big thing to keep in mind is that while she's a minor, while she's living under her parents' roof, she has to live by their rules. Which may seem overboard, but are a fact of life in this potential relationship. And it sounds like meeting her parents at the beginning and seeing them throughout would be the only way. What would be the alternative? Not dating her or sneaking around? Because I've been there, done that, suffered for it and can say it really isn't the answer.

Meeting her parents does not have to be bad though! You shouldn't be scared of them, they're people, too. [Smile] How about visiting her parents as a friend, before you ask her out? That might make you feel like you're on more neutral ground and feel more comfortable about the situation.

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iLOVE iPOD
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The fact that you care is really sweet. My last boyfriend couldn't tell his parents we were dating, because he was Muslim and I am a Christian. I definately agree that not telling the parents is NOT the way to go. It's super difficult. ANYWAY, about the parent's consent. I think that the more casually you meet them, the better. See if she will have you and a few other friends over for a movie or something so you can meet her parents in a group setting. Be very polite and you'll have nothing to worry about. Now, if you and the girl date, they'll at least know you're a polite young man and will be more likely to support (and more importantly allow) it. Good luck!
Posts: 7 | From: strawberry fields forever | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
jhawked451
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The only reason I was a little woried about meeting her parents was because I seem to have a record of liking the girl who has parents that like to drink. It was easy to make a good first impression as they were already drunk. However, her parents are the complete opposite. This should be good, and quite interesting.

Now there is another problem. Usually Sara and I can talk and hold a conversation for a while. Yesterday was really akward. We sarted to talk, and it just stopped. We walked in silence for a while, and then I had to go catch my ride. It sucked, because it seemed like I just screwed up every chance of having a relationship with her. So, it just seems wierd now. I dont even know if I am going to go through with asking her. I really like her, and it has been along time since I have had a connection like that with someone.

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Apollo: No I wll never fail you through to the end your guardian standing by your side or worlds away. - From The Eumenides

Posts: 10 | From: Pleasanton CA | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pwk23
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You want awkward? Back in high school, there was this guy I thought was really cute who sat behind me in one of my classes. One day, I didn't see him as I walked in because I was finishing up homework, and later on in that class our teacher told us to pair up with the person behind us for an assignment. So I turned around, took one look at the cute guy and blurted out loud, right in the middle of class, "Oh my gods, what the HELL happened to your hair???!!!"

Yes, he'd gotten a brand new haircut, and it looked horrible on him. He just sort of stared at me in shock as the rest of the class burst into roaring laughter. I could feel my heart totally sinking; how much more possible would it be to screw up a first impression? But you know what? A month later he asked me to prom, and we dated for about three years. So, initial awkwardness is PERFECTLY normal, and does not necessarily mean you have screwed up your chances with this girl for the rest of your life! (For the record, when I asked my now-ex why he asked me out despite the inital insult, he said that even though he was taken aback, he liked my "spunk" [Smile] )

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jhawked451
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Member # 29149

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Well, today is that day where akward may turn to something different. I am going to ask her out, so here goes. Everything you guys and gals have said will be kept in mind. Thanks for all the great advice.

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Apollo: No I wll never fail you through to the end your guardian standing by your side or worlds away. - From The Eumenides

Posts: 10 | From: Pleasanton CA | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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