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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » guy troble...on the internet?

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Author Topic: guy troble...on the internet?
Member # 29048

Icon 11 posted      Profile for justxsome1     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
hey again-ive got some guy issues and i need a little help, so here's the story:
a little under a month ago i was at my good friend's party and another one of her friends was there, but from a different town. so she was online talking to people, and i started to talk to this one guy on her screen name.
so after the party i start to talk to him more and more and find out he is absolutly like me in almost every way (feaky at first-but flattering) so then we start to call and text message each other constantly about every day things, or sometimes "naughty" things and we had so many good laughs and times together [Razz] ...sound weird yet?
so he says to me that now he has to chose because now there is someone else, and he ended up going with the other one (long story how that happened)
so actually i never met him, but cant stop thinking about him. im too afraid to call him because i think he will get mad and he does not go online anymore. i seriously am heartbroken and cant forget about him, and i compare every guy i meet to him like they are never (and not) as perfect as he was

so my question is:
am i stupid for be this heartbroken over a guy i never met?
how can i get over him?
is this normal or am i being a total idiot?

i feel totaly rediculous and making a big deal over nothing. help please? thanks for listening, sorry if it was pretty long [Frown]

Posts: 19 | From: united states | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It's certainly pretty iffy to get THAT invested in not only someone you hadn't even known for a month, but someone who you never even met.

Online, people also often look a lot more "perfect" than in real life: it's pretty easy to appear so. We go online during leisure time, as we choose, at our complete convenience. People don't see us often when we're hurried or rushed, we can hide a bad mood, what have you.

I wouldn't advise calling him: let it go. And give it time. "Can't ever forget" is a passage that's a little out of place when a month hasn't even passed from start to finish. Go hang out with friends, do the things you enjoy. And next time around? try not to get so invested before the real part of anything even gets started. (Doing that in general gets easier over time, too. You're 14: it's really normal for every romantic interest to be pretty weighty still.)

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 29048

Icon 1 posted      Profile for justxsome1     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
your so right [Smile] i know im over reacting and you totaly made me feel better. since i never had a boyfriend before, i guess it did seem alot more glamourous, and i probably over exaggerated the whole situation also thanks agian [Big Grin]
Posts: 19 | From: united states | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 22756

Icon 1 posted      Profile for kitka     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I wouldn't say it's "stupid" - you're certainly overreacting, which is something everyone experiences when dealing with someone they're attracted to. But there's a pattern to some of the stuff you're talking about, a pattern that's not so great.

1. You don't know this guy, only in terms of whatever he's told you online. Often in an anonymous online environment, it's easier for people to make themselves sound "good." He's not perfect... nobody is. When we concentrate on all the likeable things, we can start ignoring the suspicious or bad stuff too.

2. Just because you have common interests with someone doesn't mean you'll be a likely couple. (And differences of opinion can actually enhance a relationship.)

3. He's saying "naughty" things to you. That's a red flag. You don't know him (or what he's after). Sexual flirtation with a boyfriend is one thing... with strangers or even friends of friends, it's not a good idea. You're putting your integrity on the line there, not to mention your safety. What if you met up with this guy at the mall and he turned out to be a sleazy kid?

A guy was coming on to you online and played you. Not nice. Why not approach guys who you know personally? That way you can start a real relationship that's not anonymous or based in hearsay ("He says he's great... so he must be.") When you're with someone in person, it's easier to figure them out.

Posts: 455 | From: New York, NY | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 29048

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ok, well im totaly over him, so dont worry, and i was overlooking it, so theres no more need to worry, and he is totaly erased [Big Grin] im good now, but when i submitted it, i was a little paranoid and overreacting, so plese dont worry that im not ok, because im perfectly fine right now, so thanks once more for bringing me back to my senses and normal self, sorry. i learned from my mistake [Smile]
Posts: 19 | From: united states | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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