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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I need...

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Author Topic: I need...
Member # 26852

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a hug. Seriously.

Recently, one of my friends (well, one of my lesser friends... I suppose you could call us acquaintances) started talking crap about me to a plethora of people in my class. For a couple days, I spent my lunchtime in the library by myself. My other friends sat with her, so it would have been awkward if I hung around them. The whole ordeal reminded me of the twofaced girls I had to deal with in junior high. You see, back then, I would have shook it all off and moved on. But seeing as I had also gotten out of a 2 year relationship, and I no longer had my supportive boyfriend to fall back on, and I couldn't stop crying during class.

Stupidly, I called my now exboyfriend and started crying and complaining about the whole situation to him. He was surprisingly nice about it, and I felt somewhat better. However, I have to get over the attachment once again. (We talked about meeting briefly this weekend so he could return my stuff, but tonite, he told me that we should hold off on things. I texted him my address so he could just mail my stuff.. and still.. no reply.) Blah. Now I'm trying my best to avoid him because I've already humiliated myself enough.

Yesterday, I apologized to the girl for god knows why, and now she's acting nice to me, but is also being extremely cold. The reason I said sorry was because people told me that she'd constantly say "OH GOD, I HOPE SHE APOLOGIZES", and I figured that once I did, all the drama would stop and I could have a normal lunchtime again. I still don't know what I did. Now, I feel as though there's nobody to talk to. Sure, I get to sit with them, but it doesn't feel drastically different from being by myself.

I used to talk to my older sister after I broke up with my boyfriend, but now she's hardly around. I talk to my mom sometimes, but she often comes up with a hypothetical revenge plot in order to make me laugh, but I end up feeling worse.

[Frown] any thoughts?

Posts: 86 | From: california | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
oOo Lea oOo
Member # 26647

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Firstly, *hug*.

Second, I don't think it is a good idea to fall back on your ex boyfriend, especially if you ended your relationship recently (I haven't read your history, so I'm not sure).

It's okay for him to be supportive if you are still going to be friends, but you don't want to feel you have to depend on him to make things right (believe me, I'm going through a similar situation with my depending on my boyfriend to help me through all my problems)

As for the girl situation, have you talked to your friends about it? Hopefully, they will be supportive. If not, try finding someone who will be.

Have you confronted this girl, and talked to her about what she said and how it has made you feel? If she continues to be unreasonable, can you avoid her? Is there another table you can sit at?

If you weren't real good friends to begin with, and she's saying some really nasty things, than hun, you're really not missing much if you CAN avoid her.

If all else fails, try talking to your school counselor about it. S/he may be able to help you out a little.

[ 05-26-2006, 11:13 AM: Message edited by: oOo Lea oOo ]

And I say thank you for the scars
And the guilt and the pain
Every tear I've never cried
Has sealed your fate.
Did you take me for a fool
or were you just too blind to see
that every effort made has failed
and there is no destroying me?

Posts: 366 | From: West Virginia | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 25983

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I'm so sorry to hear this, twentysix. *hug*

I went through the same kind of crap throughout middle and high school. Lea made some excellent suggestions.

In addition, I know it sounds cliche, but are you involved in any organizations or activities? Usually, the coolest people are in schoolwide artistic programs like band, choir, and theatre, and are pretty easy to befriend.

Seeking out activities outside of school is also a great way to form lasting friendships. You could volunteer at an animal shelter, work at a soup kitchen, or participate in a community art group.

Other than that, Lea's suggestions stand. Try to shrug off your dependance on your ex; you need your own coping mechanisms back. A school counselor, if you trust them, could also provide some insight.

I'm really hoping things work out better for you, hun.

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 26852

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I've convinced myself enough to stop caring about my exboyfriend, especially since he no longer cares about me. What dissapointed me was the fact that I went back to him in order to seek out some support. Bad idea. We all make mistakes, and I guess I've learned from mine. I really let this bother me for far too long, and not talking about it (which was feeding the grief) is probably the best thing for me to do.

I wanted to confront the girl, but doing so would just cause her to create more drama... which is lame... and I'd rather suck it up. My friends seem to know both sides of the story, and have never abandoned me, but when they continue to hang out with her, it's disheartening. The school year is almost over, and I'm looking forward to making individual plans with people outside of school.

My Spanish teacher actually sent me down to the school counselor's office after school, however, I was not comfortable further discussing what I was going through because I had explained the situation countless times to several people. It also irked me that I was sent there, rather than going there when I was ready. Our school counselor often asks for specifics (like names), and that tends to turn me away.

Thank you for your kind words and insight. I'm sick and tired of sounding like a whiney girl that can't get over anything haha. This year has been tough, and you have no idea how much your words have helped [Smile]

Posts: 86 | From: california | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 26852

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Well a lot has changed the last time I posted.

I'm OK with the girl situation now... we can at least pretend to be nice to each other.

I recently learned that my exboyfriend smokes pot... Seeing as that makes me extremely uncomfortable, I don't talk to him at all anymore. It really broke my heart when I heard it from someone who goes to school with him. I denied it and laughed the whole thing off, thinking "oh man, he couldn't possibly have done such a thing! He used to tell me all the time how drugs were lame!" but when I asked him about it later, he didn't deny it. I suppose it is helping me get over things, but I'm really depressed about how much he has changed. I'm forced to let things go, but part of me REALLY misses my old boyfriend... the nice one... before he did things to impress his friends :/

I've been talking to my friends and I'm not really lacking in the support department, but at night, I feel really alone. I find myself staring at the ceiling, contemplating how large the world is and realizing that life really does move and change. I don't know where I'm going with this.. but it's nice to get this off my chest.

Posts: 86 | From: california | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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