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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » is this for real? and should i take it to the next step?

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Author Topic: is this for real? and should i take it to the next step?
Member # 28576

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well ive had my boyfriend for about 6 months now, and we hav kinda gottn ourselves into a heavy relationship hes 2 years older (18 and im 16) so he is ready to be in a committed relationship but the thing is we live FAR apart as in 11 hours away i havent seen him in about 2 months now and he recently admitted cheating on me. i respected him for telling me as he could have not told me and i would have never found out but he told me its too hard for him being so far away bt he loves me and doesnt wnt to break up as in 2 years i will b moving up there for university. i dnt know what to do? i really do love him he's constantly on my mind and the things i feel for him are undescribable but i dnt know whether i should keep going with this. and i dnt know wether to definatly have sex with him or not being a virgin and always wanting to do it with the right person i dnt know wether he is the right person. he is my man but is sleeping with other girls n i dnt know if im comfortable with sleeping with him knowing other girls have been with him while he was my boyfriend?.. i really wish i knew wot to do. can sumone help?


Posts: 19 | From: New Zealand | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 28410

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I think if you arent 100% sure that having sex with him is absolutely the right idea, you shouldnt do it. it sounds to me as if you are having doubts about it, which will only turn into regrets if you do go through with it.
Have you talked to him about how you feel regarding these other girls? like properly discussed how much it has hurt you? Meh, I think its really out of order for a boyfriend to cheat on his girl, however far apart they are, but long distance relationships are really hard.

How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct.

Posts: 28 | From: England | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Let's start here: he's his own man. We don't own anyone, and it's a bad idea to convince ourselves we do.

And in this case, your boyfriend has made that patently clear.

I worry, in what I read between the lines here, that one thing which might be driving you in thinking about having sex is the idea that if you start having sex with him, he'll stop having sex outside your relationship.

Now, that may or may not be where your head is at, but if it is, know that that's an approach that very rarely works. Chances are good your partner will still cheat, and then on top of that extra betrayal, you've also opened yourself up to extra STI risks.

Do you want and need an exclusive relationship to be with this person? if you do, you need to make that clear, and he can either agree to and honor that or not. But if you know that's what you want and need -- whether you're having sex with him or not -- do yourself a favor and don't accept anything else.

And by all means, do not have sex with him until you know what you are and are not comfortable with. Sounds like you DO know, and this is NOT the right scenario for you.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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