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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Number Of Sexual Partners?

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Author Topic: Number Of Sexual Partners?
sweetie_pie
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Recently me and my best friend have been wondering if the number of sexual partners you have can actually make you a slut, slag or a whore or whatever. I hate those words especially as the are degrading to only women. You would never hear of a bloke being called a slut! They get named player or pimp which they love and that doesnt get them down! If a women has slept with many people is she dirty? Even if she practices safe sex and gets tested regulary and is in fact clean? I dont know how many people the average women has been with but how many would you say is too many? My friend *Tiffany* is 15 and has had sexual intercourse with 4 people and has had other sexual activity with many more people and she is constantly called a slag. However a male friend of mine *Harry* has been with 8 girls and has had sexual activity with LOADS more girls than that and yet nothing is mentioned? I personally dont think this is right! I just want some other views on this issue. Are women slags because they enjoy sex and get a lot of it? Or because they have had many sexual partners? Another two friends of mine are in relationships, *Georgina and *Aaron*. Aarons girlfriend was a virgin before they slept together and he has been with 6 other girls previously but that is no issue what so ever in thier relationship whereas my female friend is constantly given grief by her boyfriend for having 5 sexual partners before him even though he has also had 3 himself? Ive done a lot of research into this with my best friend and we cannot work it out! So if everyone could please give thier opinion on this we would be extremely grateful!
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Saint_Sithney
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It's really not right to label girls as tramps and guys as 'all man' when they've had numerous partners. It's really not fair, and is a holdover from the time that wellbred young women were expected to be always pure, and a young gentleman's dalliance with common women was considered harmless fun that did not reflect poorly on the family. This is mostly because the women bear the children, and if you wanted to be sure your little grandbaby was an aristocrat and full heir to the family, you had to make sure your daughter had never been with anyone but her husband. Legitimacy is about money and property at it's core. And what better way to ensure legitimacy than making extremely strict social punishment for a woman to even entertain the notion of act that could potentially produce an illegitimate child. Men's illegitimate children were of no concern unless the man made it of some concern.

Even so, the first thing I thought reading through your post was 4 partners by 15? Yikes... and assuming that all your friends are around the same age 8 partners at around 15? That's even more yikes. That sounds more like a desperate cry for attention by self-destructive behavior than it does like enjoying sex.

Anyway, you can be called a slut with zero partners. It's a name meant to hurt people, and whether it's true or not doesn't matter in the least.

--------------------
'My nerves are bad to-night. Yes, bad. Stay with me.
'Speak to me. Why do you never speak? Speak.
'What are you thinking of? What thinking? What?
'I never know what you are thinking. Think.'
-T.S. Eliot The Waste Land

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Heather
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quote:
Even so, the first thing I thought reading through your post was 4 partners by 15? Yikes... and assuming that all your friends are around the same age 8 partners at around 15? That's even more yikes. That sounds more like a desperate cry for attention by self-destructive behavior than it does like enjoying sex.
Actually, that's not all THAT outside the norm, especially in areas where one starts secondary education two years earlier than in the states. Most studies show that by the age of 16, nearly half of teen males have had as many as six partners: teen women often have about half that number, but if we are NOT employing double standards, we can't very well say that for young women to have that many is a cry for attention, can we? If one did, why would that be specifically so for young women, but not for young men?

Unfortunately, "holdovers" like this kind of double standard still exist because while SOME things have changed per gender equity, a lot of the imbalances from way back when DO still remain. Women generally still ARE judged, per their value as people, by their sexual history and marital status, far more and fare more negatively than men are. And while absolutely, guaranteeing paternity was a big part of the push for female virginity pre-marriage, there were and are a LOT of other issues also at play.

A whore is a prostitute. A "slut," literally, is actually a slovenly, or sloppy woman. Both these terms being used colloquially, because they're being used as slang, to degrade women based on arbitrary ideas of what is and is not the "proper" number of sexual partners -- and for unmarried women in most cultures, it really still is largely considered to be none -- are exactly that: arbitrary. There is no one number that will or will not guarantee your being called or considered either of these things. A woman may be called a slut for having exactly NO consensual sex partners, whereas a woman with twenty sexual partners may manage to get through life without ever being called a whore.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Saint_Sithney
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The 8 was referenced to the guy. It sounds like he's engaging in self-destructive behaviors too.

--------------------
'My nerves are bad to-night. Yes, bad. Stay with me.
'Speak to me. Why do you never speak? Speak.
'What are you thinking of? What thinking? What?
'I never know what you are thinking. Think.'
-T.S. Eliot The Waste Land

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Heather
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The trouble is, again, that that judgment is ONLY being made by the number of sexual partners this person has had/claims.

We have no information on how he treats his partners or himself, on if he practices safer sex, on what these activities are, how he feels about them, nada.

And without any of THAT information, that judgment -- just like those of how many partners women have had, though without the negative cultural weight -- is just as arbitrary as any other, and just the same sort of thing.

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likewhoa19
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So true. I've only had one sexual partner -and as far as my parents know I've not had more than a couple, and they immediately jumped on this idea that I was doing it to get back at them, or being self-destructive or something. Aside from being just plain annoying, how limiting is that to women, to assume their sexuality stems from self-esteem issues? Perhaps sometimes it does, and in those cases it needs to be addressed. But then, don't many other socially acceptable things we do arguably relate to self-esteem? Any kinds of assumptions with negative connotations limit choice. And that's really what femminism seeks to combat -loss of choice.
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Heather
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quote:
And that's really what femminism seeks to combat -loss of choice.
Well, more like LACK of choice. "Loss" implies women ever really had it, and from all we can gather from history and the anthropology we have to date, the only history we've got solid documentation for so far doesn't show us as once having choices we lost, but as never having them in the first place.

And it'd still depend on which feminist you asked, per what the goals of feminism are. [Smile]

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About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Kaybie87
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quote:
Originally posted by likewhoa19:
Aside from being just plain annoying, how limiting is that to women, to assume their sexuality stems from self-esteem issues? Perhaps sometimes it does, and in those cases it needs to be addressed. But then, don't many other socially acceptable things we do arguably relate to self-esteem?

I really appreciate that comment. I find that so many people jump to the conclusion that because a girl is sexually active, she must have self esteem issues. Maybe she's just exploring her sexuality? Is that so crazy a concept?

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"too often, I have been the Lover
cursed to Love the F*****
and f*** the lover over " Raquel Ramirez, The women I have been

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likewhoa19
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ok -yes ''lack'' I believe was the word I was looking for -just wasn't being articulate. And I suppose I should have said that for me and many of my friends, allowing women choice of lifestyle without being stygmatized, stereotyped, or generally have other people characterize or disrespect them as less than fully human, is the ultimate goal of feminism.
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Saint_Sithney
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Maybe because I was raised in a strongly religious environment, and because my experiences with teens that age have been almost exclusively negative, even when I was that age, it still seems pretty young to me. I just tend to think that having that many sexual partners before most teens have left the mindset of children really isn't healthy for anyone involved. It seems self-destructive to me on all parties simply because of the ages. Maybe that's agist of me, but most teens I've noticed tend to have a lot of sex because 'everyone else is'. That was really the point I was trying to get at- sorry about my roundabout route. It has nothing to do with whether they're boys or girls, it has to do with my prejudices towards age, which holds true for both sexes.

--------------------
'My nerves are bad to-night. Yes, bad. Stay with me.
'Speak to me. Why do you never speak? Speak.
'What are you thinking of? What thinking? What?
'I never know what you are thinking. Think.'
-T.S. Eliot The Waste Land

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zeta
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Never mind what one thinks about promiscuity and the advisability thereof, the "slut/whore" tag is used pretty exclusively on women, and society being messed up as it is, can be really crushing. Can't think of any brand of feminist thinking that could find excuse for that particular attitude.

It's used to keep "aggressive" women down, it's used by males who got turned down as revenge, it's basically an attempt to shame a woman away from taking control of her own (sex)life. Such an put-down, and the attitude that goes with it is, methinks, insult to *all* women. A guy who'll call any woman that basically disrespects all women as autonomous creatures, and I guess a woman using it on other women is just not thinking at all.

I wonder, if the guy who will first sleep with a girl (or tries and gets turned down) and then goes around demeaning her, calling her a slut or whore or similar, would be told to shut up and drop dead, consistently, by all other girls, including the ones he considers "pure", how long would such behavior continue?

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Sarah303
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i think it is self destructive whether your male, female, 15 or 50. although i think its up to people to choose i believe that this type of behaviour will leave most unsettled even if they dont realise it for a long time. i think sex should be respected and not treated like a game you can play anytime with who ever is around to play with.
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Sarah303
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i think it is far more enjoyable that way and generally people have less chance of getting hurt.
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LilBlueSmurf
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Sarah303,

If you take another read-through this thread, you will see that this thread is not about who agrees with casual sex and having numerous sex partners. You will see that this thread is instead about women being called whores, sluts, etc. ... Sometimes they have numerous sex partners, sometimes they've had only one sex partner, and sometimes they're virgins. We are discussing WHY men and women use these terms to degrade each other, where it comes from, and what we can do to stop it.

While we respect your thoughts here, your thoughts are a little off topic and likely to de-rail this thread. Please try to stay on topic.

Thanks.

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Heather
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quote:
Originally posted by Saint_Sithney:
Maybe because I was raised in a strongly religious environment, and because my experiences with teens that age have been almost exclusively negative, even when I was that age, it still seems pretty young to me. I just tend to think that having that many sexual partners before most teens have left the mindset of children really isn't healthy for anyone involved. It seems self-destructive to me on all parties simply because of the ages. Maybe that's agist of me, but most teens I've noticed tend to have a lot of sex because 'everyone else is'. That was really the point I was trying to get at- sorry about my roundabout route. It has nothing to do with whether they're boys or girls, it has to do with my prejudices towards age, which holds true for both sexes.

I hear that.

I can also say, though, that sometimes a BIT more time and perspective, to get further and further away from being a teen -- let's say at least in your mid-twenties -- can change things.

Some.

Having a perspective of a greater time period than that, counseling tens of thousands of teens internationally, reading a lot on these issues, though, I have to say that it really strikes me as unsound to make those generalities ONLY on age, especially globally. Plenty of teens do NOT live as children or have the mindset of children, especially worldwide. Western and American teens are often actually especially insulated, and have their childhoods pretty seriously extended as a collective group.

Even within those groups, there are plenty of teenagers who work to support their households, who are exceptionally intelligent, who are sexually responsible and handle those responsibilities autonomously, who do actually ENJOY the casual sex they're having, who have plenty of self-esteem.

And there are also plenty of those, globally, for whom some or all of those things are not true.

Point is, age alone tends to be a pretty poor indicator of that, especially when that perspective is coming only from one community. Gender is a bit trickier of an issue, primarily because it's a given that overall, globally and historically, sex for women, especially heterosex, carries far greater social and physical risks and downsides.

And you know, working with both populations, I'd say nearly as many adult women have sex "because everyone else is," as teen women do, and I'd say pretty confidently age doesn't make that any better of a reason.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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likewhoa19
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I heart you Miz Scarlet -I wish you'd come say these things to my parents who are the ultimate self-proclaimed agists - [Wink] Here's another interesting annendum to this conversation -my generally liberal, feminist mom spent so much time when I was growing up telling me that men didn't respect loose women and that younger women who slept around did it for self-esteem reasons, that I developed a little bit of a complex BECAUSE of her warnings, rather than because of any experiences I had. (I have been fortunate enough to attend high school and college in relatively liberal, egalitarian communities.) I think any negative language directed towards women's choices in sexual matters -whether you are insulting someone or reacting out of fear yourself -has other negative repercussions.
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Saint_Sithney
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Well, there is a difference between a woman who's sexually comfortable and a loose woman, at least in my opinion. A loose woman implies that she cares nothing about either sex or her partners, she just sleeps around either because she can or to try to prove her own self-worth. Some men are the same way, though they have no proper term...

--------------------
'My nerves are bad to-night. Yes, bad. Stay with me.
'Speak to me. Why do you never speak? Speak.
'What are you thinking of? What thinking? What?
'I never know what you are thinking. Think.'
-T.S. Eliot The Waste Land

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likewhoa19
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back at square one. a loose woman is ''easy'' and sleeps around a lot. I don't think the term implies anything about WHY she does it, aside from the fact she's obviously not a have-to-be-madly-in-love mate for life type. The point is that it is her choice, and no one deserves to be stigmitized for a personal choice.
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Heather
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Ack, that term!

It's really these terms, these words that are used to sum up a person's CHARACTER based on a -- usually from an outsider's view -- women's sexual behaviour, or assumed sexual behaviour, that just need to GO.

Even that term "loose," implies -- with the etymology of the slang, and the obvious correlation -- misinformation: that a woman who is sexually active over time will have a loose vagina. And it's just like slut, whore, slag, the whole lot of it: it's misogyny, and that's WHY there are no similar terms for men.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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zeta
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Yesh, because a man who sleeps around isn't judged like that.

But it's not even about whether someone sleeps around a lot or not. Virgin girls can get reputations as "sluts" for just being aggressive, or "uppity", or just unpopular for no particular reason.

I'd worry about a friend who was being madly irresponsible about partners, sure. Whether they were male or female. I'd talk to them and ask whether everything was okay. If I liked them and was involved in their personal lives. If not, it's just so fundamentally none of my freaking business who they sleep with and how -I might have an opinion but there's nothing to it but to keep it strictly to myself.

Sex life is one of the most personal parts of someone's life and it's just impossible to say much about it from the outside. Some people have huge numbers of partners because they don't feel like settling down, are responsible about it and everyone has a great time. Some other people marry from high school and are happy ever after. Some ppl stay in one bad and abusive sexual relationship their whole lives because they're too scared to leave, some others sleep around because they look for acceptance or whatever.

And unless you're that person or their best friend, there's just no way of telling what's the situation. Sex is *deeply* personal; some ppl can do things you'd feel disgusted even considering, and be happy about it. Some ppl will not have any sex at all and be cool with that.

Judging other people's personal choices in matters that affect no-one else is not cool at best of times. And when it comes to something like "sluttiness" -well, only women are judged, they're judged for no reason whatsoever, and they're judged really harshly.

And apparently even girls themselves believe that "some women are just loose". But hey, how do you know about someone's motivations and reasons? And even if you do, what's it to you?

Again as a feminist I must say I believe a woman is the sole owner of her own body. And that doesn't mean she can do things with it that you or I consider advisable, moral or correct; it means she can do with it whatever she wants, long as she's hurting no-one else. Its hers. Her choice, right or wrong.

Saying that we know better than some other chick what she should do with her own body -her self, basically -is just so unbelieveably patronizing and condescending, it is like quietly saying that women perhaps aren't fully intelligent and autonomous after all. And saying that her sex life reflects the rest of her character is just rephrasing the old sentiment that a woman is not an autonomous intelligent creature but a victim of her "passions", like the Victorians would insist. And acting if we have a right to judge it is just another way of saying that women need society's control to remain decent, saying that they're not fully grown up after all.

This got long. But really. Women have the user rights to themselves, and while one might defend a girl labelled a "slut" by saying that she in fact is a virgin, in a even remotely sane world a girl would not need to explain her sex life or lack thereof to everyone who happens to have an opinion, in order to vindicate her character. That's just humiliating to the entire womankind.

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I don't get even, I get odder

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Sarah303
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in my experience its got nothing to do with sexism. its usually girls or women calling each other sluts. i think the world we live in to day endorses confusing ideas that to not be sexually active means you are figid and to be overly sexually active whatever that means is sluttish. i think maybe women should learn maybe to respect theimeselves and other women more and ignore what the world tells them even though that is a hard thing to do, it would be worth it in the long run.
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likewhoa19
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sarah, when women use derogatory words towards other women, terms that only apply BECAUSE they are women, it is still sexism. what you are describing is sexism. women can be sexist as much as men can, and terms like ''slut,'' while in certain environments may be used more commonly by women, still have meaning to men. the issue is more complex than just being competition among women. for instance, i think teenagers and young men are excited simply to have a girl that will be sexually active with them, but once men get to be older there is often an attraction to younger, less experienced girls. also, many though not all younger guys will use derogatory terms behind girls' backs. the term is still evidence and a reinforcer of misogynistic attitudes in society, which men act out in some ways and women in others

[ 04-19-2006, 09:52 AM: Message edited by: likewhoa19 ]

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Freddy-D
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I would like to address an issue that everybody seems to be overlooking regarding the laws of economics. Things that are abundant are less valuable than things that are scarce... Supply and demand. This law applies equally to both sexes. Having "too" many partners makes us less valuable. Who or What defines too many? The majority, that's who (afterall we live in a Republic). A recent Men's Health/Cosmo sex survey (6,000 participants) entitled, "Her Sex Secrets Revealed" Has a section dealing with this very issue (50% are okay with 10 partners or fewer, after 10 the number drops like a lead balloon).

Another good reason to be very selective when choosing sexual partners is the risk of acquiring STDs. Keep in mind that 1 in 5 people has some kind of herpes, and 1 in 20 will get hepatitis at some point! Condoms are a good start, but they're not 100% and oral sex is just as risky as intercourse... Who wants to suck on rubber anyway? A great book dealing with these issues is, "The Social Organization of Sexuality."

Lastly, why does some guy deserve to sleep with you? No matter what you may think, the guy is ALWAYS getting the better deal... Take my word for it as a guy. I'm not a moralist, and I'm not preeching abstinence here, but I do think that we should all be more selective overall.

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Heather
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quote:
This law applies equally to both sexes. Having "too" many partners makes us less valuable. Who or What defines too many? The majority, that's who (afterall we live in a Republic).
And yet, it is in no way the same for men and for women. There is nothing, currently or historicaly, which even IMPLIES that a greater number of sexual partners has ever had any real effect on a man's "value." With that Cosmo study you referenced, you didn't make clear whose opinions those were and what gender they were about, but there's no precedent to suggest that the value of men to women is grossly effected by the number of sexual partners men have have had, and even so, in a culture in which value based only ON our gender isn't equitable per women, that'd only be so relevant anyway.

(Plus, these standards aren't by any means exactly the same outside of heterosexual culture: in plenty of queer communities, in no way does the number of sexual partners a man OR woman has had effect her "value" to others.)

quote:
Who wants to suck on rubber anyway?
Well, most rubber fetishists do.

But condoms aren't made of rubber, they're made of latex, and those of us who want to practice safer oral sex don't have an issue with this, especially since while having fewer partners decreases the risk of STIs, it doesn't do so to the degree safer sex does. Plenty of sole-partners someone may choose may ALREADY have oral herpes, for instance, from something as benign as kissing their Auntie Mabel. And heck: different strokes: there are plenty of folks who more enjoy protected oral sex than unrpotected, even separate from STI issues.

quote:
No matter what you may think, the guy is ALWAYS getting the better deal... Take my word for it as a guy.
Thing is, not only do all "guys" have different things to say on this (and we work pretty hard here to help our users understand that neither men nor women are monoliths or representatives for the whole of one gender), we don't really need some random adult guy to tell any of us (especially who are and live as women) how this stuff works, really. History and living in the world alone tend to teach us these lessons pretty readily. The original poster already started her post making pretty clear she knew full well men benefitted more from these ideas.

[ 04-26-2006, 02:35 PM: Message edited by: Miz Scarlet ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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And as an additional note...

quote:
Things that are abundant are less valuable than things that are scarce... Supply and demand.
That can't be unilaterally applied to everything as a law and a given, especially in terms of any type of interpersonal relationship.

For instance, for an example, every user here in or fresh out of high school knows full well that the more friends someone has actually makes them MORE valuable to be friends with or to have as a friend. Those with LESS friends are by no means considered more valuable: quite the opposite.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Freddy-D
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Dismissing what I have to say as a man is hubris... Heed my words, tell most partners that you slept with 50 others and I guarantee that that person will never see you as more than a tight-wet place. Of course there are always exceptions...
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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No one here, including myself, has argued that women will NOT be seen that way very often in (heterosexual and patriarchal) culture and with men: quite the opposite. We've all made patently clear we KNOW that is the case, which is what the initial post was about, quite precisely: the entire thread is ABOUT looking at those notions, deconstructing them, evaluating them as to WHY users think there is such a double-standard for women. Not a single person in this discussion has argued that for WOMEN, those cultural notions of her value being decreased with a greater number of sexual partners -- heck, often with any more than one -- is not so.

Hubris? Oh, please. I am not dismissing what you have to say AS a man: rather as one man, stating himself in any way to be a representative for all men by virtue of being male.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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greenapp1es
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Freddy-D...I don't mean to be rude by that last statement is kinda offensive. My boyfriend and my best friend both have EXTENSIVE sexual pasts...my boyfriend can't give me a number because choices he made in the army made his history a bit more extensive than most. I'm not suggesting that one goes around and states the number of partners they've had as a tagline greeting, but a healthy relationship is more than just sex, and/ or the number of partners a person has had. To suggest that that is cheapened by someone's sexual history is absurd. Nevermind, I for one would rather have my partner be honest about the sexual history they have had, not try to downplay it because it will "make others see them different."
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Freddy-D
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I chimed in here because I think the discussion in interesting and worth commenting on. I believe that I have some decent observations that can and should provoke further discussion. All people are different and there are exceptions to every rule... But I'm fairly certain that what I have written is accurate regarding most men. I speak with them candidly all the time, and I know how "we" think. It ain't pretty, but it's often true. It amazed me that you want to be more like men sexually? We're asses!

If you go back to my original post, you will see that I tried to keep everything gender neutral. I even wrote that men get the better end... I think women are better overall. My last post may be offensive but it's generally true. And it wasn't meant to be gender specific. Indeed, any woman should be equally as offended if her significant other has bedded 50 others!

I have kept the number of my sexual partners to a minumum for me... I feel that each additional partner diminishes me for the next. Looking back maybe I should have zigged a few times when instead I zagged, but that's just not me... I certainly don't hold sexual experimentation against anyone. In fact, I think it's a good thing. I'm just extremely paranoid about STDs... Certainly much more than most men I know. I think it's socially irresponsible, from a public health perspective, to play with reckless abandon with a large number of sexual partners. Most men couldn't care less. I care.

Take a look at the article that I cited, it's very interesting (Google it) to see what 3000 men and 3000 women have to say about sexual practices today, also take a look at that book (amazon), it's definitely worth a look to see what people have to say about sex today. Maybe the article will even provoke further discussion on the topic.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I don't see that ANYONE here said ANYTHING about wanting to be more "like men sexually." Are you actually READING this thread and what has been said in it, or are you so intent on projecting you're dismissing the conent of the discussion?

We also are not going to support, endore or enable ANY sort of sexual or gender sterotyping here, so we won't tolerate anyone saying women OR men are asses: I don't give a fiddler's fart if they belong to the gender they're bashing or not. Nobody here needs to read that crud, and our guidelines expressly ask people not to bring it here.

I am going to assume you weren't talking to me personally about reading sex reserahc: this is my job and has been for a long time. I just moved cross-country and have a room that is packed floor to ceiling with boxes of sexuality book and studies. As well, we currently have about 25K a day in users just at this site alone, so I've heard what people of all genders and ages have had to say about sexuality for quite some time: I'm very well versed in this. Enough to know that whatever group of any given gender one person talks to is never enough to generalize about, unless one is specifically talking about that specific, immediate group.

And so, actually, are many of our users well-versed who have participated in this discussion, who come here -- many daily -- and read far more than one thread as you have, but instead, read a huge pile of threads from a wide array of users. They're no dummies, and plenty do lots of reading on these issues themselves.

Myself, our volunteers and many of our users are always going to be a bit wary when an adult man comes to post at a young adult site which has a primarily female user base, reading and responding in one thread only, out of nowhere, especially when he's not coming in as a parent or as someone ultimately concerned with mentoring or assisting young adults, at their solicitation. So, do please take note of where you are, who this site is for, and with whom you're speaking, eh?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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