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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Selfishness

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Author Topic: Selfishness
FadingEndlessly
Activist
Member # 18674

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Do you guys believe that being in a relationship means that you should sacrafice for your significant other? I have this boyfriend. We've been dating for close to 2 years. And he's not afraid to admit to me that he cares about himself first and foremost. And I only come after he takes care of himself. I don't know. I mean, I guess it makes sense, and I shouldn't let him get in the way of me being happy, but it just seems weird that someone can say "I love you more than anything" and "you mean everything to me" and blah blah blah but then when it comes to writing a paper or consoling you're girlfriend when they're upset... He'll typically choose writing the paper. Because I can wait. And the paper HAS to be done... And I can just wait until he's done and ready in order for him to console me... I don't know. Maybe it's normal. I don't know. Someone?
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DarkChild717
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 139

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Sacrifices are necessary in *any* relationship, platonic, romantic or otherwise.

What you're asking for isn't much. You're asking for support when you need it, and he's withholding. Did he give a reason why he is choosing to do this?

The one thing that concerns me is if he's not supporting you now, with what ever issue you need, will he support you in the future? Is that a relationship you want to be in?

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Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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Member # 568

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Depends on the level of sacrifice. While some people have made headlines for this recently, I do not in any way feel obligated to donate my extra kidney to my boyfriend.

I think it's more important to extend courtesies and little sacrifices, than to bleed for someone. That means if you are deciding on what to watch on TV, take turns conceding the channel to each other. Or if you have this sweater you really like, but it repulses your partner, maybe you can stand to wear a different sweater ever now and then.

Maybe i'm just more of a committed student than you, but I agree with your boyfriend: the guy has to finish his homework first. Frankly, if you've ever seen my advice on this board, i always tell people that education is a priority over dating. If you believe in achieving ambitions and dreams, self-improvement through learning and unlocking the potential of a young, growing brain, then you would be okay with him doing his homework first.

a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PinkPenguin06
Neophyte
Member # 26887

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As for the homework versus relationship thing; yes homework is important to an extent... but of course it depends on the circumstances surrounded the needed support and the value of the homework. I mean, personally I can not do any homework in any of my classes and still be at the top of my class, although this is not a good thing to do. I do do my homework, but if my relationship is in a rough spot, I concentrate on that. I do feel like if you have a need for support from him he should put you ahead of a paper. It is not a steadfast rule that education comes before relationships; as it is, our education system could use some serious tweeking anyway. I do agree that it is quite important, but I think its foolish to say that it should always come first. Things usually work out in the end if you put your mind to them, despite the specific grades you recieved. I don't think he should always put his homework ahead of you; thats just mean.
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Gumdrop Girl
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Member # 568

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PinkPenguin, the problem in your life is that your school fails to challenge you. That's a big issue in a lot of American schools.

Nonetheless, that's a craptastic reason to discourage people from developing a sturdy work ethic. It's the work ethic that's going to get you through later in life. Frankly, it's a lack of a work ethic that going to totally destroy our generation. Doing enough to keep just ahead might be enough for high school right now, but it's going to totally bite you in college and later on in the workforce.

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LA County STD Hotline 1.800.758.0880
Toll free STD and clinic information, and condoms sent to your door for Los Angeles County residents.
1 in 3 sexually active people will be exposed to a STD by the time they turn 24.

Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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