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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » how to take it

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Author Topic: how to take it
Member # 26390

Icon 13 posted      Profile for Nailo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm feeling pretty bad right now, unsurprisingly... maybe I just need to vent everything out again. A few weeks ago I posted what happened to me with my "friends", maybe someone will remember that. In short, my "friends" have been hiding for who knows how long that they don't like me and basically want me to change who I am, and they invited me over only to tell me all of this, when this was a complete surprise to me. One of them used me, and basically told me that he had no use for me anymore now that he didn't need to talk about his problems.
My boyfriend was feeling aweful about it because it was a surprise to him too. He had always been happy that he could be with his girlfriend and his friends at the same time, and now his friends are making me feel worthless, but he feels he can't diss them either because they've been pretty much his only friends for 5 years. At first he said he didn't want to be with them anymore, but now he says he's reconsidering because they really haven't done anything to him. I told him that I will never tell him what to do, and if he wants to be with them I respect his decision, but really, I feel aweful because if it was up to me, I wouldn't want him to be with these people because of their hypocricy. I don't think its healthy for a group of people, supposed "best friends", to be badmouthing each other behind each other's backs. This wasn't just me; they do this with everyone . Even with him, though not to such an aweful extent.
Despite this, he says he wants to try and make things better, though he's still very confused...I told him everything's still fresh, to give it a bit of time... But really, I don't know how I'm going to take it if and when he chooses to be with them. And then, I would feel terrible if he chose not to be with them because of me. This is aweful...

Posts: 410 | From: Dallas, TX | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 22756

Icon 1 posted      Profile for kitka     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Unfortunately for you, you don't get to choose for him. If he doesn't see that they're being hypocritical, and more importantly, disrespectful to you, then he doesn't have your best interests at heart. If I were in your situation, I would leave him if he continues to make them more important in his life than you.

He knows that these people have been unkind to you. It's now up to him to decide if he wants to associate with people who mistreat you.

You shouldn't feel bad if he chooses you over them. If he does that, he's telling you that you aren't as important to him as you should be.
You deserve someone who isn't going to sugar-coat things when you're doing something wrong, but you also deserve someone who makes sure you're happy, especially considering the rough things you've experienced in the past.

[ 03-13-2006, 09:00 PM: Message edited by: kitka ]

Posts: 455 | From: New York, NY | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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