Sorry for the length of this post.
I just want to put it all on the table.
In the last four days (since my boyfriend said he wanted to take a break), I felt like I was moving on really well.
Today, I got an email out of the blue from my ex-boyfriend who left me without any warning last Janauary, because I was not the perfect woman for him. (He said this to me.) I was very upset for a few months - it was my first romantic interaction with any guy.
The ex and I haven't had any contact since we broke up, besides saying hi if we meet on campus.
In this email, he called me by his pet name for me and asked how I was doing.
It pissed me off.
I shouldn't have, but I called my current guy, and told him that I was frustrated and wanted to talk to him. I told him that my ex's email had created sudden suspicious feelings in me, suspicion toward men in general, like I used to have.
I feel that if we can keep our relationship going, I will be less prone to suspicion/resentment. I also know that this kind of thinking is illogical.
Does that make any sense?
My guy told me tonight that he wants us to get back together when his life calms down, whether it's in a month or two.
I have a feeling that we can maintain our relationship, even if we have to sacrifice and see each other less often than before. I'm like a cactus. I can thrive on a little.
I would rather us see each other a couple times a month, than take a complete break.
The first option would definitely make me happier. I don't know if my boyfriend can work around it. We plan to discuss it tomorrow.
There is no guarantee to any of this, since he may have to leave NY in May and go to PA to finish school. At this point, it could go either way.
I don't want this to tank. Our relationship was good and it made me and him happy.
But my parents, and my counselor/therapist have told me I should move on. Based on their gut feelings, they think that I'll be better off without him. They know that our relationship has been great up until this point.
There are two issues at stake as far as his troubles. First, he said he wanted to take a break instead of committing to me in a tough time. Second, his relationship with his mother is rocky. For my therapist, the second is the deal breaker.
For me, the first makes me somewhat worried about his ability to have a good relationship in the first place. By keeping it together, I realize that I am trying to "save" not only my bf, but more importantly, my image of him.
If he and I can maintain our relationship, would it be worth it, if it facilitated us restoring our relationship later on?
It would not be long term - he graduates in December, and we are going in different directions then.
I don't know why I can't give up on him.
I don't know what to do.
I realize no one can tell me what's right for me. I know you can't force a relationship. I just want it to work out. I feel that if we don't try, then I'm quitting on it, and I hate to quit. In itself, part of me feels like that expectation is unreasonable.
Should I try? Or just let it go?
[This message has been edited by kitka (edited 03-01-2006).]