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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Boyfriend and alcohol

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Author Topic: Boyfriend and alcohol
gershwingirl
Neophyte
Member # 21496

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Hi.
Sorry if tis is a bit lengthy, but it needs a little context.

My boyfriend and I share a house at university. Neither of us drink very frequently, but about once every few weeks he'll go to a party and get very drunk. Most of the time he's just silly and cheerful, but he's also very changeable when he's drunk. He gets easily upset, offended or cross (with me, not with other people generally), and will launch into arguments in the middle of a party. We've had arguments over whether i disapprove of him drinking (i dont), why wont i let him french-kiss in front of people, why i danced with a (girl) friend instead of just with him, why I still talk to my ex-boyfriend sometimes...

These are all things he's perfectly reasonable about when he's sober, but not when he's drunk. He'll try and 'have it out' while he's still drunk, which never acheives anything except him upsetting me and embarassing onlookers, and I find it extremely hard to deal with, especially in public.I dont get cross back really, i just try to quieten him down, and tell him i'm sorry i've upset him, but we'll discuss it in the morning.

The problem is he's a lot less kind when he's drunk. He's abrupt and saracastic, and sometimes reduces me to tears.I love him, and he loves me, but when he's drunk and gets like this, I just think I ought to break up with him.
This has happened quite a few times after big nights, parties, etc, which sort of ruins the night. One time he got upset and punched the wall very hard, which scared me.
I've told him I can't cope with violence or arguments when he's drunk, and he always apologises the next day and does genuinely mean it. He's never hurt me, and would get very upset if he thought i was afraid of him, as his dad used to be violent towards his mother, and he hates his dad for it.

He's promised to try and get so drunk less often, but i'm beginning to feel like this is becoming a recurrent pattern. I don't really know what to do - he's lovely sensitive and very caring when he's sober.. he's just not the same person when he's drunk.

I dont feel able to talk to anyone else about it, as all my friends are his friends too, and I dont want to turn them against him, and i dont want my parents to distrust him either.


Posts: 14 | From: England | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DarkChild717
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 139

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You know...Of your post, this is what struck me as being the biggest indicator of a problem:

quote:
Originally posted by gershwingirl:
He's promised to try and get so drunk less often, but i'm beginning to feel like this is becoming a recurrent pattern. I don't really know what to do - he's lovely sensitive and very caring when he's sober.. he's just not the same person when he's drunk.

I've lived with an alcoholic. I was fortunate, in that they realized their problem and got help.

You need to know that he won't change unless he wants to. It's so hard to realize and take to heart, but it's very true.

I suggest first you find yourself a local chapter of Alanon or Alateen. They are equipped to help you live or deal with someone with a drinking problem.

I'd also suggest printing out your post and reading it or giving it to him. He may not truly realize what it's doing to you and your relationship.


Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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