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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » This is the website where i discoved my girlfreind had cheated on me twice. Help?

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Author Topic: This is the website where i discoved my girlfreind had cheated on me twice. Help?
Member # 27707

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I know this is a girls website, but its where i discoved my girlfreind had cheated on me twice.
I,ve recently started dating my ex-girlfreind, and she has a problem with lying. I was going out with her two years ago. We were really serious (not sexually, but i loved her alot, and she "loved me too". We were dating for about 4 months, then i went to china on a vacation for 2 weeks. I called her everyday, and she still said she loved me everytime we talked. When the plane had landed i recived a text message that said "we need to talk" i knew she was going to break up with me. She did over text massages the next day. I took it horribly, i loved her, i suspected she cheated on me while i was gone, and she deinied it. Recently i found her post on here that said:

"Recently I started hanging out with this awesome guy who I've known forever, after he begged me for weeks to see him. So I hung out with him twice, and afterwards I realized how cool he was and that I was starting to have feelings for him. We made out a few times, and got a little more intimate, and I really thought he was diggin' me. Until I started notice that he wasn't returning my calls. I confronted him about his wacky behaviour, and he confirmed to my horror that he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend. They have been broken up for over a year, and for some reason he's still "in love" with her. This hurts really bad, because I thought he actually liked me and we had something good going on. I basically told him off on AIM, and then about two days ago I called him and he didn't answer. I'm not sure what to do, because he hasn't called me, and I'm afraid to call him. I still have feelings for him, and I hate that he's still not over his ex."

This was posted while i was in china. She had cheated on me. I confronted her two days ago about recent lies she had told me, she promised their was nothing else, then i found this the next day. I showed it to her, and she said it was her, but she didnt lie, she just didnt remember, a lie. Then she finially admitted to cheating. Last year she cheated on me also her post:

" Situation 1:
I have this boy friend named TJ, and he and I have been friends for about a year now. About a month ago, TJ ran away from home, and hiked up a mountain close to our home. Everyone was worried about him and his parents had the police out looking for him and everything. They finally found him, and admitted him to a local mental institution where he stayed for about three weeks. He was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic, and I wasn't allowed to speak with him for the entire three weeks he was there (none of his friends were) while he was hospitalized.
This boy is incredibly sweet and I love him to death, but he feels that we are in a romantic relationship, when all I want is a platonic friendship. We are currently "dating," but I don't know how to tell him that I don't love him like he wants me to or even if I should say anything to him. Another problem is he is 22 years old...I am 17. My parents think he is 18, and I feel awful for lying to them. They know all that he has been through lately, and how its been hard on me too.

I don't know what to do, I'm not sure of my question here, but I guess I'm just looking for feedback or opinions.
Situation 2:
I've gotten myself into this "player" type position and I want to stop. I'm currently dating three boys, including the one abouve mentioned, and I want to come clean and finally be honest. Each boy thinks we are inclusive and only dating each other, and I know its wrong and I want to stop. How do I go about breaking the truth? I realize the potential to lose each person from my life, I just need to come clean.
Situation 3:
About two weeks ago I had protected sex with one of the above mentioned boys (not the one who was hospitalized). He wore a condom, but I'm still paranoid that I could be pregnant, my period isn't due until next week sometime. If the condom doesn't break, and there aren't any problems, is there a risk of pregnancy?

Thank you, Scarleteen, for all your help, and please I am asking for advice not to be judged. "

I was the third guy, the one she didnt have sex with, and not tj. Luckly i dumped her shortly after.

What should I do? We have been going out for five months, and she promised shes been faithful. I cant bieleve her.

[ 03-14-2006, 10:26 PM: Message edited by: dog88 ]

Posts: 4 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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In all honesty?

We wouldn't advise anyone here to date a liar.

It seems pretty clearly your pal here has a very big problem with lying, as well as with honoring agreements she makes with you per your relationship.

Obviously, if these posts were within the last five months, you have every reason NOT to believe her.

Someone you cannot trust, and who is not trustworthy, isn't someone to be dating.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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P.S. This site is for people of all genders. Women of all ages tend to use sex education resources more than men, pretty much as a rule, but we're open for everyone here.
Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 26167

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My advice would be to leave her. Once a cheater always a cheater pretty muchs works for every cheater i know. There are lots of REAl faithful girls out there that you could be with. So where are these other boys? Did they leave her when she told them about the others so she came to you? If so that is even more so of a reason to leave her also. After people lie about big things for awhile it turns into a habit and they will continue to lie to you. I dont know this girl personally so i couldnt judge her, nobody could better than you, but from your posts and her posts it shows she is well aware of what she is doing, she doesnt seem liek the time of girl to have a long term commitment
Posts: 40 | From: duluth mn us | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 22679

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It's already been said, but I'll say it again.

The best indicator for the future will be a person's actions in the past. People don't change instantly, they mature, but they don't change because personality is something that is slow to evolve. Don't let yourself be blinded by what you want her to be, see her for what she is.

Posts: 86 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27707

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We are in a very serious relationship, we spend every free moment we have together. Both her and I love each other more than anything. I don't want to break up with her, because I love her. I donít now what to do. How can I trust her.
Another issue is that she will be going to college next year, while I will still be a senior in high school. I donít think I will be able to trust her not to cheat on me. We have talked about what we should do, and she told me we could handle it, she wants to spend the rest of her life with me.
Something else that has been bothering me lately, is how she acts around other guys. She will hug them, and flirt with them in school. It makes me think she doesnít really care about me. Whenever I bring it up she will say that "its horrible worrying about if I will do something that will make you upset" and "I donít think i'm doing anything wrong". I think it is wrong to flirt with other people while in a serious relationship.

Posts: 4 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 139

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I'm confused. Your original post said you broke up with her, yet this last post you say you're still in a committed relationship. Which would it be?

If you cannot trust her, than perhaps a romantic relationship isn't the best thing.

Caylin, Scarleteen Volunteer
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Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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