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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Am I dealing with this all right?

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Author Topic: Am I dealing with this all right?
Anita18
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I just found out yesterday that my ex is dating again. I guess I shouldn't have been that surprised since he had been living with the girl for about a year as "just friends." The kicker is that a mutual friend (more my friend than his now) told me that he whined about a year ago that she wouldn't have sex with him since he's a virgin.

I find that absolutely hilarious cause it was me who wanted to take the relationship to the next level, and he was too nervous to do it. Six months after we broke up, apparently he got tremendously bothered by the fact that he's still a virgin, but the girl he's interested in won't have sex with him. They are good friends, but it's like, now they're official so perhaps he can finally get laid.

I'm not sad about this - instead I'm practically gloating because he missed his chance with me. Heh. One of my close friends thinks that I'm not okay with it because of the way I'm reacting, but I think that's how I've always reacted to situations where people think I'm not good enough. It's like, "Oh really? I'll show you!"

Is there a proper way to react to this, anyway? I've always heard advice on relationships, like people should be over breakups during this and this time frame, and I've never believed that. I've always taken it one day at a time, and knowing my personality, it's pretty natural to be angry internally about something. It gets me going and doing something productive. But I do wonder if I'm really in denial....


Posts: 218 | From: CA | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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You know, it's pretty human to have some catty thoughts with something like this. It's also normal to be bitter after a breakup. But if it's been more than a couple months -- especially if the relationship wasn't all that long-term, you might want to look towards just plain caring less at this point.

Do I think reacting like this is okay? Sure. But do I also think that maybe, in time, it'd be better not to view anyone getting sex or not with you or someone else as a sort of conquest, as something to "get" or not. Especially since sex has very little to do with your value as a person.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Anita18
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I think you're right. He was my first boyfriend, and we dated for about 1.5 years. Have been broken up for about that long. He started hanging out with this girl and living with her a few months after we broke up. Did that hurt? You bet it did, but it probably made me more angry than anything else. I dealt with it the only way I knew how - by keeping busy.

Again, I just found out yesterday so I'll probably pretty much stop caring in a couple days. This is hopefully just a knee-jerk "how dare he!" kind of reaction.

I guess I was just disillusioned to the kind of person that I thought he was - then again, he put up all sorts of masks when we were dating.

Oh, what the heck, I think I harbor some anger and resentment that I use when I need a good kick in the pants. Overall I'm a pretty happy and optimistic person, so don't ask me where THAT comes from, LOL...


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Heather
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Hey: generally happy people also have anger and resentment. ALL of those are normal human emotions.

And did the way things went with your breakup likely sting a lot? Sure sounds like it would; sure sounds like most people would feel angry, hurt and rejected.

It also sounds like you're pretty self-aware and dealing with this just fine.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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