I have been in a relationship for the past year and a half plus. When the two of us were in high school, I would say we had a pretty strong relationship... We infrequently saw each other because of the restraints his mother put on him... and also because he took his work very seriously and wouldn't come out to see me during the week on a regular basis.
For both of us, it was our first relationship. So of course we had rough times, and sometimes I was a little clingy, and sometimes he was too distant... But we always made it through.
The thing always was that I always felt as if I was "the girlfriend of convenience." I mean, for example, on Valentine's day, he had a Mock Trial meeting at his school and couldn't make it to see me. It always seemed as if all of his other obligations came before me. I guess back than it wasn't as big of a deal, but now it is.
So we go to college together and we see each other every day. Which, perhaps is the problem... But it doesn't seem as if he really treats me as if I'm the girlfriend anymore...
Yesterday I was sick and we were at a Hockey Game, and I threw up and he brought me home to my dorm. He stayed till I got dressed and washed up, and then he went back to the game. That just seemed ridiculous to me.
Sometimes I get upset at things. For example, if he's supposed to come over and he doesn't, I ask him to call me to let me know, and he refuses to because he doesn't think he should have to... But my argument is that if it's going to make me happy if he just does it, shouldn't that be enough for him?
It just seems as if he's not willing to put his life aside to be there for me. There have been times where I've needed him and he hasn't been able to drop what he's doing for me. I mean, sometimes I realize my expectations can be remarkably high... But other times I feel like he can try just a little harder.
Am I being too demanding? Or is boyfriend just not stepping up to the plate? Because I really do love the guy... Maybe we should see less of each other? Maybe every day is too overwhelming? He said he didn't have time to miss me... I guess that goes for me too, but I really enjoy seeing him every day.
He also gets incredibly defensive... For example, if I tell him I am upset about something he'll turn it around and somehow put the blame on me. And if I am upset and he doesn't think he's to blame, he won't apologize even if it will make me happy.
I don't know. It just seems like he doesn't really care. Or he does care, but he cares about himself first and foremost. Is that how it usually is?
I mean, I realize that yourself should be the most important thing to you... but really, at least once in awhile I'd like to feel like I am of the greatest importance.
I just feel like there needs to be a greater balance, I guess... I don't know how to enforce this. Talking to him never gets me anywhere....
Oh yeah, and he said that he doesn't need me to be happy. Is that normal? I don't know... I mean, I shouldn't need a boyfriend to be happy, and I shouldn't need to be with him to be happy, but let's face it, if we broke up I wouldn't be happy.
I don't know... I just feel this huge strain on our relationship. Is it me? Is it him? Is it both? I'm feeling not so good about it, and I don't want to break up with him but I feel like it's coming down to that being the only option.
I just want to feel like I matter. I think that's what it comes down to.
Thanks for all your help.