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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Ugh, parents...

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Author Topic: Ugh, parents...
Sedi Tlugvi
Member # 21797

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I'm insanely pissed right now. For the last couple of weekends my mother's gotten into this thing where she won't allow me to go out on weekends for some reason.

She won't even say why! At first it's "You do too much during the week." -cough- Um, not really.

Mon: Drama 2:30-4:30
Tue: Same as Monday
Wedn: Volunteer 2:30-5:30

That's -it-. On weekends I usually spend Sunday with either my friend or my boyfriend. But now it's "You have to stay home this weekend." Which is what it was this weekend. A -long- weekend. She said I could MAYBE doing something Monday, though. MAYBE.

Yesterday I had to practically -beg- my mother to death to let her allow me to go bowling with some friends last night. Her first excuse was "It's too windy," which it..well..wasn't. Second excuse being that I needed to help her and stepdad babysit my nephew and niece who -he- had volunteered us to watch. I didn't even know about this until I got home from school. Being stupid, my one arguement was, "I promse I'll stay home all this weekend."

So she let me go. But now I'm pissed. My boyfriend wants me to come over today and I'd like to go. And now I feel bad because
I feel like I'm disappointing him. Compared to everyone else my parent's are so strict. And I don't even know why I have to stay home. I asked her if I could go over to his house for a couple of hours and she got mad, reminded me what I promised. I said it'd just be a couple of hours, though. I asked her why I had to stay home. She started yelling, "I don't want to talk about it right now!"

So, I was mad, but started my wash. My stepdad already had his wash done, but some was still in the dryer. He said to give
him five minutes and he'd get it out..."It's not dinner yet" (a snide comment referring to the excuse I use on days I don't get my wash done in "time"). I got even angrier, but decided I'd be nice and do it for him. He completly freaked out on me. I couldn't take it anymore
so I stormed upstairs, shut my door, and screamed.

Now there's tension all around the house.
I just don't -get- it! Normally, 17-year-olds get grounded for doing something they shouldn't have. I get grounded just for the hell
of it. -_-

Posts: 75 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 18892

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Is it possible that your mother feels that you no longer spend enough time with her and is trying to come up with excuses for you to be around her? Maybe you should talk to her about it: remind her that you still love her and care about her, but that there are other people and activities in your life now that are important to you as well, and ask if the two of you can work out some kind of compromise, maybe where you promise to spend a certain amount of time or a certain day every week with her.

Posts: 106 | From: New York, NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sedi Tlugvi
Member # 21797

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I actually thought it might be that at first, but I don't see how grounding me for the entire weekend would make me spend time with her as I'm usually up in my room and not down in the living room with her.

So, apparently it was their 7 year anniversery yesterday. Who knew? Obviously not me. But that doesn't matter. We went out to eat and are all acting civil and such again.

But last night, I ask her, "Are you -ever- going to tell me why I'm grounded?"
"But, WHY?"
"You're not grounded."
"...o.O You jest. I'm -obviously- grounded. So why?"
"You aren't grounded. We're just not going anywhere this weekend."
"You do things everyweekend."
"Er, no. Well, fine. But next weekend I'm going all out then."
"And I'm SICK of you telling me what you're going to do, not asking!"

I don't believe once, ever, in my life have I just told her what I'm going to do and not asked, humbly for her permission. That's the problem! Ugh. I have in my mind just to throw caution to the wind this coming weekend. -___-

Posts: 75 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 17971

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Wow, she sounds a lot like my mother.

My "doing too much" includes studying at school, doing my homework, and back when I used to work, working. I'm 18 and in college and am allowed out twice a week (though it is usually reduced to once--this week for example), only on weekends, and I have to be home by 10pm.

When I was in high school, I was allowed "out" about twice a month--she cited school as a reason why I shouldn't go out. I studied my way into getting a fairly big scholarship and not much has changed since then--she said that it wasn't good enough. Still isn't. I never drink, never do drugs, have good grades, but it isn't "enough."

She also doesn't like letting me hang out with boys, or going to my friends' houses who have moved out and no longer live with their parents. When you're in college, that becomes a fairly big number of your friends.

I completely understand what you're saying about her giving you no reasons--my parents always freak out and start screaming and telling me that they don't have to justify their parenting. However, it has caused a fairly big rift in our relationship, and has resulted in me wanting to move out ASAP.

There isn't much you can do at this point but listen to them. She may just be worried about you growing up and slowly learning to use your own judgement. You're soon going to be at an age where you'll have to start making life decisions on your own, and that may be making her feel like she's going to "lose" you.

Try and talk to her, offer to call multiple times when you're out so she doesn't worry, etc. And whatever you do, don't just "throw caution to the wind" and sneak out and stay out all night. That'll make them distrust you for a very long time and will only prove that you aren't responsible after all.

Posts: 640 | From: The Valley of the Sun, AZ, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sedi Tlugvi
Member # 21797

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Thanks for the advice. It's good to know I'm not the only one

As for "throwing caution to the wind," that was definitly said out of anger. I wouldn't have the nerve nor heart to sneak out or anything along those lines.

I'm just now applying for a job and god only knows how that's going to add up to my "doing too much." I just wish for a weekend I could leave the house, stay with my boyfriend, and not have to worry about how busy I've been, if at all. (Sleeping over at my boyfriend's is another bing hurled I've been trying to overcome. She claims it's "improper" although she knows we've been sleeping together for over a year and is fine with it). Bleh. :P But, again, thanks for the advice!

Posts: 75 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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