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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Weird relationship dynamic

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Author Topic: Weird relationship dynamic
TechnoBone
Neophyte
Member # 21819

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I'm a bit confused in a situation I'm in. I don't feel at all bad about it, but simply don't understand exactly what's going on.

In short, I'm a third party involved with an established couple of two years.

What I'm really looking for is advice as to what expectations and motives are in those sorts of situations and exactly what goes through the minds of the couple. If more specific information of the situation is wanted to help demystify this, then I can deal with that. I just didn't want to make this post long with information that could be irrelevant.


Posts: 7 | From: USA | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DarkChild717
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 139

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I think some extra info would be good. Frankly, I'm unsure what you mean by "a third party involved...".

Go ahead and give us some particulars so we can help you best.


Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TechnoBone
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Member # 21819

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quote:
Originally posted by DarkChild717:
I think some extra info would be good. Frankly, I'm unsure what you mean by "a third party involved...".

Go ahead and give us some particulars so we can help you best.


Okay. For starters, we're all three guys. They're 25 and 26, I'm 19. They live together, and have been together two years (yesterday was their anniversary, actually).

My involvement isn't anything like theirs of course. I just hang out with them occassionally, and now and then am invited to share the same bed, in both literal and figurative terms.

I think part of the reason it's particularly me relates to how similar to one of the two I am (and the similarities are admittedly freaky, both physically and in personality quirks). When I first met them, they presented themselves as roommates, so I get the feeling they were seeking something of that sort in the beginning.

Anything else specifically that would help describe the situation?


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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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The backbone of any healthy relationship is communication, and that's exponentially so in polyamorous releationships.

What a couple wants in a relationship like this isn't something anyone outside it can explain, because it differs pretty widly from couple to couple and relationship to relationship. But this is something the three of you should absolutely be discussing together: that's the only way to manage this kind of relationship soundly.

So, ask them what they want, what the boundaries here are. That should be an easy given.

Are you saying they were initially dishonest with you per their own relationship? If so, I gotta say, that doesn't bode especially well.


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TechnoBone
Neophyte
Member # 21819

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They were only dishonest upon initially meeting, but were honest before anything that would be an obvious boundary otherwise was crossed. In other words, the manner of that seems more for the sake of not driving me away while I was getting to know them (and ditching them entirely to keep meeting single guys), as opposed to the extent of pulling me in with dishonesty.

Some of the boundaries had been mentioned before (a passing "Just don't hook up with him behind my back." when one was teasing me for finding the other more attractive), but the motives and such haven't been discussed thoroughly. I guess I have more incentive to do that now.


Posts: 7 | From: USA | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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