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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » taking the next step - getting a friendship to the next level...

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Author Topic: taking the next step - getting a friendship to the next level...
witchdokta
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Hi guys,
First up, apologies if this Q has been posted before, I read through the forums but couldn't see anything along the same lines however...

Basically, I'm wondering what the best way to let someone know that I'd like to be more than friends with her is. I'm in my late 20s, by which point I suppose I'm meant to be fairly worldly wise, but I've never been very good at getting into relationships - the only ones I've ever been in have tended to be initiated by the other party, and for a change I'd quite like it to be the other way round.
I've been friends with this girl for quite a while now, a bit over a year, but most of our interaction has been in a social, group situation rather than one on one.
I've always found her attractive, but recently I've started to find she is in my thoughts a lot more often and I'm starting to develop feelings for her beyond a simple biological response.
I know she likes me as a person, but I have no clue if she considers me suitable partner material, or if she finds me sexually attractive. Ideally, I'd like to know the best way to let her know I am interested in her, but I'd hate for the dynamic of our friendship to be adversely affected if I do the wrong thing.
I don't know if it's best to send her an email, which I know is a bit impersonal, but I am very shy when it comes to talking about my feelings with others, especially when it comes to these matters,or to talk to her in person -- in which case, what do I say -- or to just kiss her during a quiet moment and risk being shot down in flames.
There is also a complicating factor insofar as I am also quite good friends with her ex-boyfriend with whom she had a quite messy breakup, although I have always been there for her as a shoulder to cry on whenever she's been upset about it.
I just don't want to fall into the 'friend trap' again, especially as I've already seen her make a few bad relationship choices since she broke up with the ex, which really depresses me, and I feel I would be so much better for her.

Any advice...?


Posts: 9 | From: London, UK | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
witchdokta
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so... nobody got any thoughts/advice/anecdotes...?


Posts: 9 | From: London, UK | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DarkChild717
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The best way to let someone you know you want a relationship is to tell them. Seriously.

In face is optimal, but if you're too shy, a letter would do.

Communication is going to be key in any relationship, platonic or otherwise.


Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
witchdokta
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Hmm, I guess so, I just worry that if she doesn't feel the same way, she'll start avoiding me... gaah... OK... I'll try to work out some way of communicating stuff, if it doesn't work though...?? :-s

I'll let y'all know innit...

TBH I was hoping to hear some reassuring stories from people that had been in the same boat as me but it had all worked out, in order to boost my confidence.... lol


Posts: 9 | From: London, UK | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PinkPenguin06
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Well obviously you have two choices:

1. You take a risk and go for it and see her response, and be prepared for the worst.

2. You remain just friends, and accept the fact that you'll never know what could be.

I say take the risk, but it depends on what is worse: not knowing, or knowing for the worse. I know it would drive me insane if nothing happened, and to always want something more. So I would say go for it, and if she's not interested then take it as it is, and move on. I mean there is the potential for awkwardness after that, but things usually work out in the end if they were meant to. (I'm sappy)


Posts: 22 | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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