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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » getting engaged too young?

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Author Topic: getting engaged too young?
Member # 24692

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hi...welll my boyfriend and i have been dating for about 5 months... and im in high school ( 16.yrs old) ... anyways... i cant believe how much i care about him and think about him ... but ive been playing the hard to get for a while... and im starting to show some of my feelings now that hes shown his.. anyways... i truely believe we are in love ...
so the point to this is... we have been talking about getting engaged... and he kinda let it slip that he is going to ask me between now and the end of the year ( but closer to the summer) ... he also said that he almost asked me the other day.. but he didnt have a ring.. and he chickend out
now i have always been the kinda person that doesnt like it when people ( boyfriends) get too in most cases i would be scared... but i am totally ok with this... like i want to be engaged to him
do you think this is ok?? ... like i realise i am only 16... and ive been told by my best friend that its a little crazy but she understands.... but thanx 4 ur time

Posts: 19 | From: orillia,ontario,canada | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

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i read an interview with the guy who started eHarmony a while back. he said he was very proud hat his website has had a higher rate of marriages than other similar websites, but generally discourages people from getting engaged till they have been dating for at least two years. i must say i agree -- there should be no hurry when it comes to marriage.

you're 16, and if you're asking us this question, then YOU have your own hesitations and reservations.

you can be engaged pretty indefinitely. there's no time limit here, and given that people can expect to live to almost 80, what's the rush? why not just keep it an option, and let your boyfriend save his pennies so you can get a really good ring (they ain't cheap, y'know).

one last thing to consider, you're 16 and i guarantee you will not be the same person three years from now, let alone 13 years from now, let alone 30 years from now. give him and give YOURSELF some time to grow. As you both mature and if you both are compatible, your relationship will mature, too. Of course, it doesn't always happen that way, and people figure out their values and goals don't mesh with those of their partners. eventually, they part ways.

so give it some thought and tell your guy to start a bank account so he can save money.

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20234

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Hey Dude, I definatly remember what it felt like to be in love when I was 16. My boyfriend and I at the time even had plans to move to Halifax together after high school, we never wanted to leave each other's sides. AT the time I thought we would be together forever. It's that first love that you give everyhthing to because you've never been hurt before. It's truely beautiful and sometimes it does work out.
Just keep in your mind, though, that things can and do change, especially when you are young. Who knows, you and your boyfriend could very well grow and change in ways that are compatible to each other but you could also grow apart

My room mate said something that I think was pretty wise last night. She told me "You can not give 110% to sombody else until you know who you are, where you are going, what you want, what you need and how you want to be treated." She said "you can not expect anybody else to know how to treat you if you do not know how to treat yourself or how you would like to be treated".

Being in a time of change myself this really hit home and I think It may also ring a little true for you.
I guarentee you will not be the same person you were by the end of high school and I think you should embrace that things change and that you have your whole life ahead of you.
I definatly agree that there is no rush. Take your time, take it easy and figure yourself out. Change can be beautiful.

best wishes
-Margarite Louisiana Saximontana.


Posts: 11 | From: Canada | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27312

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I met my boyfirend pretty young, and we've been together for a long time now. We've certainly talked about commitment, and here's how we've left it: we both know that, right now, we want to stay together. We also both know that things might change. We're going to seriously talk it over after I graduate from college, maybe make some decisions then. So I suppose we're sort of engaged, although there have been no rings involved.

Engagement seems like it can mean several things. For us, it's just an affirmation of our hopes that we'll be able to make things work out in the long run. but I would be wary of becoming engaged in the sense of a binding promise.

Posts: 31 | From: Illinois | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Shy Kitten
Member # 27368

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Im with GumDrop Girl on this one. If you are having to quistion it then just play it cool till you have no doubts. 5 months isnt that long really.

To be honest im only 17 and im engaged, but Ive known him all my life and we have been in a serios relationship for over a year. Plus he is older then me and has the means to suport me. Remember you cant buy happiness, but be sure you can buy food for two lol

[This message has been edited by Shy Kitten (edited 02-06-2006).]

Posts: 47 | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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Just a question ...

Don't you think it's a good idea that you be able to support yourself before committing yourself to one person in such a way? What happens if plans fall through and you don't end up with him? Who supports you then?

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Shy Kitten
Member # 27368

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Actully that comment went both ways. I was simply stating teh fact that they are so young at least one of them should be able to suport them till the other finishes high school. I entend on getting a job weaather I get married or not, but at the moment it isnt possible. So if my fiancee couldnt get a job eather then it would be hard to live on our own.

thats what i ment ^ ^

Posts: 47 | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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