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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Meeting a friend ?

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Author Topic: Meeting a friend ?
Ghosty
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Member # 17968

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I would like to have an opinion about a matter that has been concerning me for a while.

I'm wondering if it's okay to visit a friend, a girl that has been my friend for over 10 years now. We re both from the same country, and our parents are good friends.

Because she lives quite far away, I would have to sleep over at her apartment, for at least a night.

I've talked about this with my girlfriend, but she doesn't find this ok at all. And is not counting the fact that we re just friends not "girl" and "boy". She thinks that we re "too close", because our common roots, and our parents being such good friends.
She doesn't think it's okay to sleep over at another girls place, because I have a girlfriend. And she is worrying that "things" will happen.

If I had enough money I would pay for a hotel, or a hostel, but that's too expensive for me.

I feel that I know who I like, and why. And that I'm together with my girlfriend because I want her, and not someone else.
Sleeping over at a friends place and hanging out with a friend over a weekend, is something quite natrual for me, wether it's a girl or a guy. Nor would I be involved in cheating at my gf.
I wouldn't stop my girl from going visiting a male friend that lives far away, and that she has been knowing for many years.

I don't know, my friend has been inviting me several times now, and I've just been saying, "We'll" see.
Honestly what would be right in this situation ?
Should I do the trip, and let my gf take it or leave it, or should I let it go and not create a crack between us. Cause I've been trying to talk to her about it, but she doesn't get it.

For her it's just "Two people of opposite sex, in the same room, being together for day or two".

What should I do?


Posts: 79 | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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To me, a platonic friend visiting another platonic friend (regardless of gender) is totally all right. Not even worth questioning. I've visited and stayed overnight with male friends of mine and nothing happened (I've also experienced some instances when the tension was weird, but that depends on the situation.) And I also understand what it's like to meet up with friends from your home country when living abroad. (I can think of fellow "countrymen" who I enjoy hanging out with here abroad but have absolutely no interest in dating.

However, I'm not you and your girlfriend. Perhaps this is something that is just not done in her culture, or maybe she just feels insecure. Yeah, it'd be nice if you could go and she'd be cool with it, but it does seem that you have choose.

I would go visit the friend, giving your girlfriend the option of taking it or leaving it (ahead of time, of course.) I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't trust me to make sound decisions for myself or trust my own judgement/self-control. Because the question of having/hanging out with friends of the opposite sex (heck, I'm bi so for me this restriction would mean not visiting ANYONE!)

So, it may cause a crack, which would be too bad, but at least you'd know now versus being held back later. What do other people, especially those from her culture, think about such a situation?


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lotesseflower
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It sounds like a perfectly okay thing to me, but make sure that your girlfriend is cool with it before you do anything. Maybe she's not being entirely reasonable, but everyone has issues that they can't reason through. Reassure her. Maybe she could talk to your friend and clear it for herself that your friend doesn't have any romantic designs on you?
Posts: 31 | From: Illinois | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ghosty
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quote:

So, it may cause a crack, which would be too bad, but at least you'd know now versus being held back later. What do other people, especially those from her culture, think about such a situation?[/B]

I really doubt that it has with any culture to do, she is native, I'm from a diffrent country. Came here because of a war. I don't find our two cultures so diffrent when it comes to relationship values.

However I'm positive that it's a thing about insecurity.
But because so many people have diffrent opinions about this, I'm unsure what would be the right thing.

Reading what you wrote makes me believe that perhaps, take it or leave it situation would perhaps be the solution. Cause if put into larger perspective, in the future, I'm sure that in my job, or similar I'll end up sooner or later sharing room, with either opposite sex/same sex, or even both at the same time, without being able to affect the number of people, or being able to say no...
Also I've been in the scouts and there was no thing "girl tent" "boy tent", nor is it later when you get older, and there were people having both boyfriends and girlfriends.

But more opinions would be intresting.


Posts: 79 | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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