Okay my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years we have had our ups and downs and he always said he did not look at porns and get off to them....well yesterday by accident i seen them and he got caught...he said he started looking at them when we were having problems like 1 and half ago...and i have been freaking out like crying non stop i feel like i am not good enough for him so he has to look at magazines..like he is college and says he get lonley...blah blah...like he ripped them up in front of me and said the does not need them...but am i crazy...like i feel that i am not good enough he knows i struggle with my weight and now i feel that he has broken the trust he hs hidden this from me for like 2 years alomst...so i guess my question is should I be this mad at him just because he has porno magazines?
Posts: 20 | From: America | Registered: Jan 2003
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I think that we often don't understand why men use porn, or how they do it. My boyfriend looks at porn, and with my permission--although I bug him about making sure that it wasn't made exploitatively. I don't think that there's any real comparaison being made between our bodies and those in the magazines. Fantasy doesn't have to relate that closely with reality.
Sex, especially when you've been together as long as you two have, is about more than body image. You love the whole person, right? In your boyfriend's defense, long-distance is tough. Talk to him about it. Try to not be hurt, I'm sure he didn't mean to cause you any pain. Be open about how you feel, and listen to what he has to say. This doesn't have to be the end of the world.
Looking at porn is actually completely normal, and as long as it's not becoming compulsive (interfering with someone's daily life) then it's totally okay. Porn is, as lotesseflower mentioned, fantasy. And there is a world of difference between fantasy and reality. (Keep in mind, too, that looking at/enjoying porn is not just a "guy thing" - it's something people of all genders do.)
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