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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Convincing...

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Author Topic: Convincing...
Kristin_0608
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Okay, I want to try and convince my mom into letting me stay with my boyfriend for a couple months. She said teh only reason she doesn't want me to is because if we get into a fight I'll be a few states away. But we have everything planned out If we got into a fight that'd we'd still stay in the same place we'd work through it, but she won't let me, and I really wanna stay with him.

I miss him a lot, and I can't bare being without him anymore. it would be only for 2 months. And I'm sure they would go by really fast. He has a great job, and a nice place to stay adn everything and he'd take care of me but there's something else that she won't say why she won't let me stay with him. So I was wondering if there were anyways I could try and convince her that it's alright? he's gonna talk to her too.

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[This message has been edited by Kristin_0608 (edited 01-30-2006).]


Posts: 49 | From: Colorado | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
watermongoose15
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quote:
Originally posted by Kristin_0608:
Okay, I want to try and convince my mom into letting me stay with my boyfriend for a couple months. She said teh only reason she doesn't want me to is because if we get into a fight I'll be a few states away. But we have everything planned out If we got into a fight that'd we'd still stay in the same place we'd work through it, but she won't let me, and I really wanna stay with him.


your mother does have the reason i kno you feel like you can be fine and work through it but living with someone is totally different, having to adjust to their "customs" and stuff they are anal about and doing all that the laundry and such but still i do think she should let you, im assuming ur like i dunno 18-25 ish? and say so its not some issue your mother has with you 2 having sex
quote:

I miss him a lot, and I can't bare being without him anymore. it would be only for 2 months. And I'm sure they would go by really fast. He has a great job, and a nice place to stay adn everything and he'd take care of me but there's something else that she won't say why she won't let me stay with him. So I was wondering if there were anyways I could try and convince her that it's alright? he's gonna talk to her too.



yah i think you should probably check about a job for yourself before you move over there so you can both have stable jobs

Posts: 60 | From: Bonita, California, United States | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kristin_0608
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I'm 16 years old, I don't go to school I dropped out to get my GED. So I don't have school to worry about, but I want her to know that I'll be okay and call her every day just so she knows I'm okay. She won't even listen to me for 3 seconds. It's like shes just mentally blocked it from her mind.

And i read somewhere that it's okay to have your parents permission and live with someone else for a period of time while your a minor.

[This message has been edited by Kristin_0608 (edited 01-30-2006).]


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oOo Lea oOo
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Your mother is just being what she is, a mom. Parents are concerned, especially when their young ones want to view the world on their own. There are many responsibilities on being on your own. Maybe she doesn't think you are ready. My mother had a hard time letting me go at 18, and we barely got along. Maybe she feels that you are 16, and you are still her "baby" for 2 more years, and she isn't ready to let go yet. Its a phase all parents go through. Try to meet her on equal terms and know where shes coming from. Keep talking to her. She may come around. Good luck with this! I hope I have helped.
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watermongoose15
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exactly like she said above. she is being a mother and you are only 16 i really dont know of 16 year olds who move out myself and if i was a parent i highly doubt i would let my daughter or son move out at such a young age. Especially parents dont trust their kids away from home, also parents often think in worse case scenarios and they worry too much sometimes.

In my opinion i wouldnt let you move out if i was her. I just wouldnt trust my 16 yr old, with her bf, living together. If you really want to live with him talk to your mom and explain to her why you want to leave and try giving a rational argument. Good Luck ^_^


Posts: 60 | From: Bonita, California, United States | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kristin_0608
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Yeah, i understand that, the reason why I wanna stay with him while he's down there is because I heard from his brother that he's been doing drugs. and I dont want him doing that, and I wanna have some say in that. I wanna be there just to make sure he doesn't get into really bad drugs. She understands this, and I think she's starting to come around. She's mostly worried that I'd get caught up in drugs, but I would never go near that stuff even if someone gave me all the money in the world. Is it a bad idea that I wanna be with him just to watch him to make sure he's doing okay?

I'm moving out next year when I turn 17. So it's only a year till I finally move out for good. Why not let me go now for just 2 months?

[This message has been edited by Kristin_0608 (edited 01-30-2006).]


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Gumdrop Girl
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Well, I know you have good intentions, but moving to a different state into the home of somebody who is doing a lot of drugs is NOT a safe environment. Your presence isnt going to guarantee that he'll quit. In fact, it might make you unhappy to see him suffering so badly. Drug addiction is difficult, and if you are hours and hours away from you support network (you family), it will take its toll on you, too. While you might not think it now, your mom is trying to protect you.

Do oyu ven know if your boyfriend wants to quit drugs? Even with all the prying you can dish out, he won't quit unless HE feels motivated to do so. If he wants to quit, you can remotely help him get there by encouraging him to get into rehab and clean up. If he can take that step, he stands a chance of getting clean. Otherwise, if you move out there and he doesn't give a damn what you think about his drug use, you will go through a lot of hell. You can't save him unless he wants to be saved.

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Karybu
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quote:
Yeah, i understand that, the reason why I wanna stay with him while he's down there is because I heard from his brother that he's been doing drugs. and I dont want him doing that, and I wanna have some say in that. I wanna be there just to make sure he doesn't get into really bad drugs.

As tough as it is, though, it's not your choice. Sure, you can say that you'd really rather he not get into drugs, and you can encourage him to stop using drugs, but you can't actually stop him if that's the choice he's going to make for himself.

Honestly, too, were it my child wanting to go spend two months with a boyfriend to stop him getting into drugs, it just wouldn't happen. She's your mother, and while it may not seem like it sometimes she really does sound like she's got your best interests at heart.

(Just out of curiosity, is there some reason why it has to be two months, and not a couple of weeks, for instance? Two months is a fairly long stretch of time.)


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Heather
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Well, if she knows about that bit, that's likely the biggest detrrent. (Though if you two have not spent extended time together before and/or have a history of fights, or his history is spotty, that's not going to help, either.) I'm one of the most progressive, permissive people I know, and yanno, I wouldn't support you doing that, either.

For the record, crises like that -- addictions, forming addictions, etc. -- tend, statistically and practically NOT to be helped by a young, romantic or sexual partner. Generally, intervention from less biased, less intimate parties, with more objectivity and background in those issues -- and more real influence -- is what's effective. Generally, in these situations, things do NOT bode well for the partner at all. That's far more the case when only one partner is a legal adult. (FYI, your mother could also be legally liable for endangering you/negligence if your partner is, as it sounds, an adult and you're a minor, even if no big truma happens. And yes: legally you'd need her permission and that is part of why.)

So, do I think this is a bad idea? For the reasons you mentioned in wanting to go there, yeah, I really do. Mind you, I WAS primarily on my own at your age, often around troubled people and I managed it passably (mostly that was also to get out of an abusive household, however), so I'm fairly certain I'm not bringing personal biases to the table here and again, I'm nothing close to what anyone would call conservative. But this thing has warning signs all over it, and a 16-year-old girl as police or babysitter to a young man works well in exactly NO scenario there is. I know that sounds harsh, but it's the reality of these scenarios nearly every single time.

(FYI? You cannot legally move out of your parents house at 17, either, not unless you become an emancipated minor, and that status is not allowed for in MN state law. You can legally live on your own at 18, only earlier with parental consent and even then, won't be able to have legal adult status for leases and the like.)


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HumanTornado
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Also (and this is from personal experience) you do not want to be alone with a junkie, several states away from anyone you could go to for help. Because the truth is, while your boyfriend might be the sweetest person on earth when sober, he is going to be quite a different person on drugs. You will not be able to predict his beahviour and some of it might well make you uncomfortable or even frighten you.

Being with someone who's on drugs and trying to help them is fine if you've got people around you to come home to who will listen to you and who can support you. It's also fine if you have the opportunity to go home to begin with. Being far from your home and spending 24/7 with someone who abuses drugs is likely to be more than you'll want to handle.


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Ghosty
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When I read your post first, I thought that your mom was overprotective. I didn't write a reply, cause I wasn't sure about this subject.

But now when I see that drugs are involved into this. I can definetly say that If I was your mom, I wouldn't let you either.

Miz Scarlett wrote a nice response about the issue, and I believe she is right. You should Never Ever be involved in a relationship that involves drugs or addictions that are dangerous for others, or for your own health.

I don't think that you deserve to live in a such enviorment at all. When there are so many better alternatives around you.
I know it's hard to choose who you re going to fall in love with, but perhaps you can choose what's good for you and what's not.

My question to you is, why do you think you deserve to be with a possible drug addict ?
What's in it for you more than just "love".

It's very nice of you to care about others and want to help, but not even professionals are succesful when it comes to treating drug addictions.

I just think that you deserve a stabile, drug free, safe enviorment. It's not two months we re talking about, it's your own life and safety.


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