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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » being shy

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Author Topic: being shy
Member # 21385

Icon 1 posted      Profile for jakimboor     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
sometimes, when i approach girls(when hooking up), i feel self-conscious, kind of nervous and insecure. in spite of all this, i still go ahead and approach the girl, with or without success. do you think this is normal? i mean, would you say the limit between a normal shyness and an uhealthy one is approaching or not approaching the girl in spite of feelings of insecurity? or do you think that the shyness i feel, even though its kinda strong but doesnt really keep me from approaching the girl is something i should work to amend? your comments are as always, much needed. thanks
Posts: 55 | From: South America | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 6514

Icon 10 posted      Profile for BiLLaBaBy017     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think it's perfectly normal to be shy, sweetie. I'm a shy person, as well as many many other people. All you need to do is just relax. Being relaxed while approaching a girl is the best thing to do. Don't feel insecure, or self conscious, there's no reason to Just breathe, get your thoughts together (ie. think of what you will say to her) and everything will be fine.
Posts: 294 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 21385

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hey....yeah, i guess youre right. the thing is, theres this girl i like, but she makes me feel nervous, because shes kinda very reserved. for instance, the other day, she saw me but pretended not to and just walked past like to thinks shes just insecure, but its kinda hard to keep motivated on getting to know her and asking her out you see.....thing is, i dont know how to interpret her actions....i sometimes feel she might like me but sometimes i feel she just doesnt and hence i get real shy.....i dont know what to think!
Posts: 55 | From: South America | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27312

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Try being friends first. I'm hopelessly shy romantically, and every relationship I've ever been in has come out of friendship. You get to know someone, hang out with them, and it becomes a lot easier. At least, it always has for me.

Asking people out is hard, especially since so often both people are really scared and shy.

But seriously, start with something other than dating, especially if she's shy too. You'll hopefully come to trust one another a lot more.

Posts: 31 | From: Illinois | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
oOo Lea oOo
Member # 26647

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My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 WONDERFUL years. He was very shy in the beginning. We laugh about it now. He tells me stories of how I used to make him so nervous. It got easier though.

It will get easier for you, too. Get to know her by being freindly. Find things you are both interested in doing, and once you find these things, do them together. Once you figure more out about the person you like, converstation gets easier. Eventually you will know if there are any "sparks". Then, when you're both confortable with each other, and both willing, think about a relationship.

Good luck to you! I wish you the best!

Posts: 366 | From: West Virginia | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27196

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It can certianly be wonderful to approach and date new people, but I see no reason to make it hard on yourself.

It helps if you've had some sort of physical activity (a run usually does it for me) before you go for it. It often helps get rid of whatever it is that makes you second guess and doubt.

Sometimes trying a new scent or nice clothes helps improve my confidence around people I want to try romance with, but it's easy to overdo. The point is not to "shock and awe" them with a spectacular new outfit or odor, which is an excellent way to accentuate your insecurities, but to have a little badge of something that helps you feel more assured, if there's anything that does that for you.

Finally, if you're going to ask someone out, have a very clear idea of exactly what you want to do. "Do you wish to accompany me to a movie" sounds a lot more assured (and is!) than "Um... do you maybe want to do something with me sometime?". I don't know if girls ask guys a lot where you are, but I certainly know which is more sucessful.

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Member # 21385

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thanks for all your comments! i guess it all comes down to this; i like this girl a lot but she makes me feel shy too ( a lot). i am definetely going to aske her out even though ill know ill get extremely shy with her and clumsy too (at least when i ask her). do you think this is being insecure? what do you think is being insecure (and when is it a problem)? thanks
Posts: 55 | From: South America | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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